Switch

Espresso.

Straight.

Black.

Extra hot.

An hour to myself.

My quest to read every James Bond novel begun.

Thunderball.

The first of many.

Pretty much bliss.

After about 45 minutes. I power my Nexus 6 down and look around Costa in Ealing Broadway.

Life is happening.

Over the last couple of years mine doesn't feel much like it has.

I allow my mind to examine that time.

Especially my relationship with God.

Its pretty much been running on the dregs of the passion that fuelled it a few years back.

I feel like I've arrived at a fork in the road.

And.

As I reflected.

Right there in Costa Ealing Broadway London.

I heard from God.

Clearly.

But what I heard maybe wasn't what I expected.

In my head and my heart I heard this.

"Your history will not be your future . "

At the fork in the road My head was telling me to carry on the left fork. My heart was telling me to switch.

Switch.

Now there is a word.

Switching means taking a road I maybe wouldn't choose.

I felt in my spirit the left fork was a comfortable road. One that housed familiarity. One that had road signs saying "same old, same old."

Bland Salvationism has helped me to feel comfortable on that road. And I had a bit of a realisation that for some reason primitive and hereditary Salvationism has been surfacing more and more. 

I've gotta say guys.

I think that is a big mistake.

Beware.

It may feel good.

But I think going backwards is a road to oblivion.

I've wrestled with that.

And.

In terms of the Salvation Army I am losing.

And suddenly things made sense.

Bland traditionalism. Not spiritual tradition but bland SA tradition I will never be able to do.

Never.

That's a road that has been leading to an eventual dead end.

And I realised what carrying on down the left fork would mean.

It would mean the adventurous spirit that God gave me would be sucked out of me. 

Its nearly gone now.

And.

I miss my adventurous spirit.

I really genuinely felt a bit of peace.

For all the months of feeling depressed and downtrodden I've not really been able to put my finger on why.

But.

I think I know why.

I think I lost my adventurous and my risky side.

To be honest.

I'm useless to the SA without that.

A switch is needed.

I have to head down the right fork.

A road where I'm not sure what's down there.

That?

Brings?

Adventure.

My history can't be my future.

So I take the first step on a new journey.

No idea where it will take me.

Yet i know I just can't go backwards.

That is such a relief.

And I thought about my denomination.

I don't think it can go back either.

I really don't think it's history can be it's future.

It needs a desperate switch.

But that's for others to work out and test.

And hey there will be those who think I am wrong.

Whatever.

But for me?

I'm switching roads.

Taking the right fork.

I fired up my phone.

Pressed the play books app.

Feeling more encouraged than I have been lately.

I soon lost myself again in the thrilling text Thunderball.