Follow the cloud

One thing that has been so clear this week is that God has spoken into my life.

Everywhere I have turned God has spoke through something or someone.

I had a word from an old gentleman who attends the Salvation Army Church that my wife leads on Sunday morning. This gentleman has been struggling with illness and has been in hospital until recently. One of the effects of the illness he has is that he can sometimes get confused. He is a former Pentecostal Minister who is full of fire and brimstone and is not slow at pouring that fire on whoever happens to be there at the time.

On Sunday morning, just as the morning service was about to begin, his wife approached me as I settled into a back row corner seat and informed me that Mike had a word to share with me. I said thank you and I promised her I would come and see him after the service.

I wasn't expecting much as he has sadly been really confused recently.

But

As soon as Dawn said the last Amen that morning, I headed up to see Mike. He invited me to sit on his seated walker as there was no other seat available. I shook his trembling hand and noted how pale and unwell he looked.

Yet

He had a steely look in his grey eyes.

A look I've seen before in the eyes of people with a serious prophetic gift.

I was expecting a long word.

But

in a moment of intense clarity, he spoke just three.

"Follow the cloud."

And

I almost dismissed the word from immediately, thinking it didn't really make any sense.

But

I could not for the life of me shake it off.

It would not let me go all of Sunday. Even as I watched the football on Sunday afternoon I kept seeing those steely grey eyes and hearing the words, "Follow the cloud."

It was still with me Monday as I sat at my desk scoffing a croissant and drinking my first black coffee of the day.

So I just googled "follow the cloud."

I was immediately alerted to a scripture.

Exodus 13: 20-22

This scripture is part of the account of the Israelite's journey out of Egypt, just before they would eventually cross the Red Sea, the big parting of the waves and all that.

"After leaving Sukkoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert. By the day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or by night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people."

Wow!

It struck me straight away that these guys recently released from captivity were on the edge of a journey into the wilderness. Up until this point they knew the roads, but soon they would enter uncharted territory. Their only hope? to be guided by God who manifested as a pillar of cloud for them to follow.

Me?

Recently I have been released from a kind of captivity.

The captivity of hurt, self pity, self doubt and a little ego thrown in for good measure.

I've been through four years of intense refinement.

And now free, I find myself camped on the edge of an exciting wilderness.

A wilderness that holds much opportunity as I walk towards the things God has promised me. The promised land if you like.

And

I have to follow the cloud.

I require intense guidance.

And I have fix my eyes on Jesus, the ultimate pillar of cloud, who will lead me to what God wants for me, not what I want.

Because what is the alternative?

An alternative I know way too well.

And that is to follow your own way.

I've tried that and I got a bit a lost.

Which leads me to two other things that have happened that God has spoken to me through.

One was a piece of writing from Oswald Chambers, a passage that my boss shared with me at work. This text says that the call of God is implicit and can never be stated explicitly. In other words the call of God on your life is not to an organisation or a person but the call is into comradeship with God.

And

I have been really focusing lately on what the call of God is on my life.

Is it to minister, to go back into officership, to do what?

I am desperate to pick up my ministry again,and believe that is where the Lord is leading me.

But

I have to remember that All I have to do is focus on following the cloud, keep in total relationship with God and follow him wherever he goes.

The second thing hit me like a rocket.

I binge watched the new Netflix documentary on the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

I have followed this case since the day it happened and have set it as one of my prayer projects to pray for her and her family and the situation.

I was floored by the police chief who is the former head of the Child exploitation and online protection service.

He shared how he was head of the anti terrorism unit and knew it was an immensely important role. He was asked to head up the then new Child exploitation and online protection centre. He shared how he felt he was stepping down the ladder as it were and it was almost a demotion from his prominent post. He then was asked to speak at a conference in Cambodia. While there he was taken to a tip and watched as the child trafficking rings operated openly exploiting children who had gone to this dump to search for food. This impacted him deeply. As he was on the flight home to the UK he was so touched by what he saw that a passion rose within him to do something about it.

Then

He said something that impacted me.

He said He decided that he had to "Pack way his ego," He had to put away any feelings of being demoted or sent to a task he had initially thought was a lesser offer, and take the job he was being offered.

This was for me that night.

I have to put any feelings of what in my eyes would be best for my future and follow the cloud.

Pack away my ego.

Follow Jesus into what he has called me to, and make a massive difference to the lives of those who are in desperate need of the love, grace and mercy of a saviour.

So hey

Are you on the edge of the wilderness?

Are you feeling lost or wayward?

Then

As you walk into the uncharted territory of the future?

Pack away the ego, answer the call.

And

Follow the cloud

Walls

I'm going to Church in about an hour.

My morning has started in the less than salubrious surroundings of a McDonalds.

I love their coffee, although that doesn't justify the double sausage and egg Mcmuffin that I shouldnt be eating!

But

I love the breakfast, and I love the time I have just to think.

Hence the fact I've got my tablet out and have started tapping the keyboard and putting my thinking down on electronic paper.

It has taken four years.

But

I find myself in the unusual position of being totally healed and free.

It's a weird feeling but a fantastic one all the same.

It's taken much prayer, a little counselling, a few happy pills and a mega helping of pain, struggle and battles to finally reach the point I am at right now.

I've taken a significant rest from speaking, from ministering, from the dangers of Church going. I've battled hard to recover my life from wounds so deep they almost obliterated me.

But

Freedom has arrived like a liberator I thought would never come.

I have taught about freedom for many years on many stages and platforms across europe, yet looking back I was not taking any notice of the stuff God was asking me to impart others. I was so busy helping others I forgot about my own life.

And

I let the bad side of religion almost steal my very life.

As many of you know, I resigned from Salvation Army Officership four years ago now.

I had to.

I needed the space to really deepen my relationship with God and take it to a whole new level, and, really accept and recieve the healing he can and does lavish upon those who are desperate for it.

And

I hate to admit it, but I was desperately in need of saving.

It is easy for me to blame others for my wounds and I would be right because that was true.

But

It wasn't until I accepted that there was also an element of myself placing obstacles in my own way, that I gave God the chance to begin a restorative work in me.

I built myself a nice wall that became so formidable that I couldn't get past it.

I built it brick by brick with bricks such as, self pity, insecurity, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, regret, shame, doubt, self loathing, you know stuff like that.

The wall got so high in front of me I became trapped behind it.

And I was glad because that wall seemed to protect me from ever getting hurt again, and I wouldn't have cared if I hid behind it for the rest of my days.

But

Deep down, as I held on desperately to the hand of Jesus, I knew that I had to find the pathway God had laid out before me.

And

I remembered the time, about fifteen years ago, that I had just finished speaking at a conference in Wales, when an old guy who had been saved during the Welsh revival in the twentieth century approached me at the end of the service. He had a word from God for me. He said this.

"You are going to hit a brick wall. It will come but God wants you to know he will get you past this wall and y.ou will find a glorious path once again."

Now, at the time I was in the midst of a really fantastic time in my ministry, we had planted Liverpool Boiler Room and I was fulfilled and happy seeing God touch lives and bring about transformation of an epic kind before my very eyes.

So I kind of filed the word away and forgot about it.

Until now.

I always thought that the wall would be built by others who hurt me and got in the way.

But

Hey

I never thought for one minute it would be me who built the wall myself.

But it was.

Once I understood that, through clinging to God, hitting the prayers like never before, and, keeping right on praying and reading scripture, even when I thought it was getting me nowhere, I began to see the obstacles that I had placed in my own way.

And

On new years day this year, I heard the voice of God.

He spoke a sentence so loud and clear I grasped it straightaway.

He said this.

"Get out of your own way."

I understood immediately.

And

I began to deconstruct the wall.

Brick by brick.

I took away the self pity and saw hope, I decided to stay so close to God that insecurity dissolved away, I forgave, I turned from a doubter to a believer, and many other things.

Eventually I have caught sight of the pathway that stretches out before me.

And

I have taken my first steps on to it.

And

Freedom had come.

So

I encourage this day anyone who is finding a resonance in this post.

I encourage you firstly to not run away from prayer but hit it harder. Secondly to take your focus of what others have done or are doing to you right now,  and look at what obstacles you may be setting down before yourself.

While you are building that wall, I guarantee you that it will not protect you, it will maybe give you a false sense of security, but it will also prevent you from finding the clear pathway God has planned for you, and all the joy that is waiting to be discovered there.

You may not feel free now.

But

I can testify to the fact that there is freedom for you.

Though the grace and mercy of a God who loves you no matter what through his son Jesus Christ.