The now

Mornings have always been my favourite time of the day.

This morning is one of those golden mornings.

Temperature below zero.

Completely clear London sky.

A gorgeous red gold sun beaming its spectacular glow on the waking world.

I’ve come into work early today. 6.30 to be precise. It is quiet in the office. The world is stirring outside. Traffic is building, people are stepping out into the day, all with their earphones in and backpacks on, all treading their well-worn paths to school, college, work, wherever.

I have a couple of hours until my work day officially begins at 8.30.

So

I am reflecting on where I am now.

For those who don’t know in the after-shock of my ministry being put on hold I took a job with a funeral company.

It’s been fantastic.

As mad as that sounds.

Obviously as a minister I have conducted many funeral services all over the country. The other thing is in my previous career as a nurse obviously I have dealt with death before. So here I am in the midst of people’s grief and despair every day.

Yesterday I sat with a lady in this very office who just wanted to talk about her mother who had died recently and our company had taken care of the funeral. She was struggling badly with bereavement and kept saying “I wish I could just talk to my mum right now”. I made her a cup of tea and just sat and listened. I was able to encourage her to speak out her grief to open up her emotions and let the tears flow. She shared with me that she had not been able to bring her emotion and grief to the surface in front of her family because she felt she needed to stay strong. I was able to help her to break down that stronghold yesterday.

And

I understood why I am in this job right now.

I am carrying a wealth of pastoral experience into the heart of people’s despair.

And

Although I miss some aspects of looking after the spiritual needs of a church. Even though for now I’ve put speaking on platforms and stages aside for a short period, I understand that this job is the best possible place for me to be right now.

Being in the midst of the darkness of bereavement is truly reigniting my passion to help people, to minister, to be there as a light in this dark world.

People have said to me isn’t it a bit depressing working in funerals.

Listen

It’s far from depressing.

It’s actually an honour.

It’s an opportunity to touch the lives of people who in desperate need.

I know that soon my speaking and writing will return, I am healed now of all the wounds that were inflicted spiritually and emotionally over the last few years. I feel strong, and I feel I am in totally the place where I need to be right now.

So.

I thought I would let you know exactly what I am up to right now.

And.

I want to say thank you to my readers all over the world for your tremendous encouragement to me and I leave this simple message today.

Whatever your circumstance is right now. However deep the trouble seems. However, locked in to a spiritual, mental or physical prisons you are, it can be turned round.

It doesn’t have to be forever.

Blessings on you today guys.

Life Saver

Sitting in the midst of this new world that I am experiencing I feel something that I haven’t felt for a long time.

Calm.

True calm.

In many ways I am sad I had to leave my ministry in the Salvation Army.

But.

I really did have have to.

It definitely didn't feel great at the time, making the decision, planning an exit strategy and then taking the action required for me to leave.

But I had to.

I may have gone mad if I hadn't.

Church politics and extreme unhealthy hierarchical systems have the capacity to kill you.

Spiritually.

Mentally.

And.

Literally.

And.

It almost did in my case.

So.

Here I am. nearly a year since I quit. Feeling calm, feeling rested, feeling good again.

I haven't been to church for around seven months.

It has been blissful to rediscover who I am. Not to mention my relationship with God has risen to new levels without the interference of the church.

It has been an essential part of God's plan for me to take a break from everything church.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says, are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? Come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything ill fitting on you. keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

And.

Through really listening to this word.

I took the action that is required.

I was burned out on religion. Especially the often unhealthy religion that the church can serve up. religion that controls people, damages people and stifles dreams.

So I felt in my case that when God says, "Come to me, get away with me and you will recover your life, that I had to step away from the church altogether for the unforeseen future.

And here I am heading up to a year on that Journey.

I am recovering my life.

I know one day sooner or later that I will step back into the church but things will be different for me.

I will come back sharper, wiser, stronger and way more effective that I have been in the past.

During the time I haven't been to church, i've stepped into a new job that has taken me into the world, the world we as Christians are called to operate in.

I've been able to watch first hand how lost people are but also how near they are to the life changing encounter with Jesus that change everything for anyone. Ive been able to minister day in day out to my work colleagues and many others and I have seen the power of God at work in a new way. Ive walked with God and watched how he does things. Ive been able to connect with God on a new plain, free of the shackles of bland sad religion. Ive seen how there is a hungry world out there. Hungry for a Saviour. I have took a step back and watched how the world needs something way different than what the traditional Church is right now. It needs way more than services. It needs way more that ceremonies. It needs way more than great music or eloquent words. 

I would say it needs love.

And.

In love, I think the world desperately needs the church to stand down from its holier than thou perch and seep its vast resources into a world that needs an embrace. 

Yeah.

Ive learned just how near the kingdom is.

But.

Most of all I have been able to experience the free and light christian life that God promises. Ive been able to engage with God free of boundaries and interference.  I have got up everyday just being able to think about my relationship with God and the world. 

Its been a lifesaver for me.

What I would like to do here is relay this.

If there is anyone out out there burning out on religion. 

Then take a break from Church. 

For a day, a week a month a year whatever. Thats up to you and God.

I really believe that you will recover your life.

Maybe the church needs to recover it's life?

Then.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says, are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? Come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything ill fitting on you. keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.