Decisions to make?

Power. 

The waves hit me hard. 

Sheer relentless power. Wave after wave after wave. 

Relentless. 

Brilliant white foam transforms the scene as the waves build their majestic crests on the run in to the crystal sand beach. 

I am standing alone in the Mediterranean Sea. 

A big sea.

A beautiful sea. 

35 degrees Celsius. Clear sky, burning sun. There was a breeze which had raised its ferocity over a short space of time. It caused the waves to increase in size and power. 

I stood alone. 

I let the waves hit me. 

Hard. 

I have decisions to make.  

Big decisions. 

My mind is alive with the options I have in terms of those decisions. The consequences, the benefits, the losses and the gains. The fruits and the stuff that will be cut away. 

Big decisions. 

So I'm standing in the sea. 

The waves hitting me hard. 

I cry out to God.

I need to hear from Him. 

I really do. 

Today I don't literally hear his voice. 

Even though I search for it. 

On the wind.

In the crashing of the sea. 

I struggle to hear him. To feel him. To know he is there. 

But my eyes focus on the vastness beyond. 

The vast open sea. Glistening, flashing its silver glints in every direction. A vast open endless ocean. 

I see his voice in that. 

I see. 

I see the vastness. There is more to life that this. There is more to ministry than this. I sense the infinite, the force of an endless God, endless in terms of time, endless in terms of Spirit, and endless in terms of grace and love. 

Even though on this occasion I am really clinging to him by the tips of my very life, his endlessness, his infinity grab me by the wrists and rescue me from the brink of letting go.  

I stand alone.

In the sea.

The waves hitting me hard. 

But beyond my present pitiful faith, I sense I'm not standing alone. 

No.

In the vastness of the seascape that lies before me I can see the dreams I have, the visions I've had, the opportunities that lay ahead, are all in the vastness of the love of God.

I have decisions to make. 

But I am somehow a little closer to resolve. 

Because whatever I decide about my future.

Whatever. 

The infinite love, mercy and grace of God, goes beyond everything I humanly hold. So whatever I do, which ever way I choose, Gods love will never change.

And.

He will always be there.    

Decisions to make?

Power. 

The waves hit me hard. 

Sheer relentless power. Wave after wave after wave. 

Relentless. 

Brilliant white foam transforms the scene as the waves build their majestic crests on the run in to the crystal sand beach. 

I am standing alone in the Mediterranean Sea. 

A big sea.

A beautiful sea. 

35 degrees Celsius. Clear sky, burning sun. There was a breeze which had raised its ferocity over a short space of time. It caused the waves to increase in size and power. 

I stood alone. 

I let the waves hit me. 

Hard. 

I have decisions to make.  

Big decisions. 

My mind is alive with the options I have in terms of those decisions. The consequences, the benefits, the losses and the gains. The fruits and the stuff that will be cut away. 

Big decisions. 

So I'm standing in the sea. 

The waves hitting me hard. 

I cry out to God.

I need to hear from Him. 

I really do. 

I don't literally hear his voice. 

Even though I search for it. 

On the wind.

In the crashing of the sea. 

I struggle to hear him. To feel him. To know he is there. 

But my eyes focus on the vastness beyond. 

The vast open sea. Glistening, flashing its silver glints in every direction. A vast open endless ocean. 

I see his voice in that. 

I see. 

I see the vastness. There is more to life that this. There is more to ministry than this. I sense the infinite, the force of an endless God, endless in terms of time, endless in terms of Spirit, and endless in terms of grace and love. 

Even though on this occasion I am really clinging to him by the tips of my very life, his endlessness, his infinity grab me by the wrists and rescue me from the brink of letting go.  

I stand alone.

In the sea.

The waves hitting me hard. 

But beyond my pitiful faith, I sense I'm not standing alone. 

No.

In the vast scope of the sea I can see the dreams I have, the visions I've had, the opportunities that lay ahead, are all in the vastness of the love of God.

I have decisions to make. 

Bit I am somehow a little closer to resolve. 

Because whatever I decide about my future.

Whatever. 

The infinite love, mercy and grace of God, goes beyond everything I humanly hold. So whatever I do, which ever way I choose, Gods love will never change.

And.

He will always be there.    

A word for someone who's struggling.

Living in London is truly fabulous. 

We've had people coming to see us almost every night since we got here.

Friends came round last night. Julie and Paul, Julie is a vicar at a London Church, Paul is a headmaster. 

We haven't seen them for eight years. 

It was amazing to see them and catch up with them.

They were an integral part of the work we did at Liverpool Boiler room. Paul has an incredible creative mind and can produce breathtaking art and designed and created all twelve prayer rooms at Liverpool Boiler Room. 

I had shared with them about how difficult it has been to heal up after a pretty tough year last year. 

I won't go into that now. 

But.

Julie, being the great minister that she is, reached immediately into her handbag and scooped out her phone. She pressed open the bible app and searched for a scripture. 

After she had read the scripture to me, everything seemed to click into place. Order returned to my mind. Everything I went through seemed to slot into a purpose. 

They prayed for healing for me. 

This morning I have a ferocious resolve. 

And.

God directed me unswervingly to share this scripture with you guys. There maybe someone out there, reading this, who is entrenched in the battles of life. You maybe can't see a reason for it, or like I was, you may be trapped down in the "why me" pit. You may even feel you are to blame. I was beginning to believe the lie that people just don't like me. Which of course isn't true (I hope not anyway!) you maybe locked in a difficult situation right now. One that seemingly has no end or know exit door. Your tired, stressed, weary from battling, and you want to give up, but even doing that is a tall order? 

Your Christian journey is just littered with miserable people, difficult situations and stress like you wouldn't believe? So much so that you actually don't know what is joyful anymore?

Yeah?

Is that you?

Well here's the scripture from the message bible that Julie gave me last night. 

And I understood.

I pray you will too. 

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom. "Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble. (Matthew 5:10-12 MSG)

I pray for you today that you will be truly blessed. And that this word would help make sense of where you are right now. I pray strength over your commitment to God that you would be able to hold fast when everything seems all but over. I pray light and life over you, and i pray healing over you. I pray that you have the strength of the Spirit to rise up today and say enough is enough, and walk into a clarity of the living God and his purpose for your life. 

Amen

 

Closer (getting close to God)

I sat with my grand daughter tonight.

 

She is so cute.

 

She's 4.

 

She does this thing that makes me feel so blessed.

 

Ever since she was a toddler wherever I sit? She has to sit right next to me. I mean right next to me, she gets so close she is almost glued to me. If I'm working in my office she is there. If I'm having my breakfast she pulls her chair right next to mine.

 

You can feel the love.

 

And.

 

It humbles me.

 

We haven't had the best of starts to our new appointment. I'm sure it will get better.

 

Watching Kaidance today sidling up to me at every opportunity, I felt God speak to me through it.

 

I haven't sidled up to God as often as I should these last few weeks. I've been pretty mad with him actually.  

 

And I kind of felt his pain a bit.

 

I'd be hurt If Kaidance didn't do her little following me around thing.

 

Somehow through a four year old girl, I was compelled to sidle up to God today. In fact I wanted to run to him.

 

Because although times were really tough last year, and we've had a torrid time in these last couple of weeks, I was reminded today that the be all and end all of my life is based on my relationship with Jesus.

 

And.

 

The be all and end all of what will enfold as we look to do touch other lives with the love of a saviour, will depend on me staying as close to God as I possibly can.

 

Sidle up to him.

 

Relentlessly.

 

Forever.

Back to the revolution

Today I visited Hayes Salvation Army in West London. 

A place that has seen better days. A hall that looks like it has been on the pathway of decay for a while. A place where the last congregation member said his or her last goodbye a few years back and probably looked back with more than a tinge of sadness. A place where the offering of the space to a number of different community groups is the main activity going on there now. We looked at the empty quarters (Ministers house) we looked at the new but hardly used porta-cabin at the back of the hall. We stood in the large worship hall that could cram a good few hundred people in easily. I stared at the cracked walls, the drab paint, I stared at the extremely bland carpet, my eyes swing upwards and settled on the speakers and the disconnected sound system. I saw the rat poison boxes and followed some flies from the fruit shop next door. 

And I loved it.

Straight away. 

Because. 

Outside, through the glass doors the pavement was heaving. A busyness that only major Cities like London can create. A heaving mass of different cultures, faiths, ages, a cacophony of noises and activity. A pace that is fast, hard and relentless. 

And.

Need. 

Hayes is just one of the places that Dawn and I have been asked to look at as we pray and look to develop the Salvation Army's work in West London, and of course more than that, in fact way more importantly, help the whole church to build his Kingdom in the area.  

That's our appointed task. 

So here we were in a hall that once housed a Salvation Army Corps. 

We met an amazing lady called Nicky who is employed by the SA to keep the place ticking over in the community. She is passionate and incredibly gifted in her task. We connected with her immediately. And I guess there have been others before her who haven't given up on the place. 

Thank God for them.

Because.

This is an area of the deepest need. I've only researched a little bit as of yet, but every social need and spiritual need you could probably even think of, and then add way more on top of that, reside amongst the compact streets of Hayes. 

These type of places?

I really and truly believe. 

Are calling out to the Salvation Army to return. 

"Come back guys."

"Please."

Way too often, decisions seem to have been made to pull out of the forgotten and the most needy places. 

But.

We have to go back. 

To be missionaries.

To be examples of love. 

To be witnesses to the power of the cross.

To help in any way we can.

To pray with and for, to engage with, and to battle for lost and broken souls.   

Do you here the call? 

And I believe God is calling people to engage in this work. Not just in West London of course, but across the globe. 

Is that you?

Come back to the revolution. 

I believe there are probably those who have stepped away from our mandate to the poor. I believe tonight as I write this that I am not being over bold when I say that there are those who have even left the Salvation Army because you weren't really satisfied by the, shall we say, mundane side of the Army? But your heart is yearning to come back and your whole being is running with passion to reach those with the most need? But the resistance is strong because of what you have experienced in the past? I believe this isn't just a Salvation Army thing, and there are those from all parts of the Christian church who have done and felt the same. 

Humanly, I feel reluctant to put this call out. 

But the prompting of God is way stronger. 

So here goes.

Guys, the Spirit of God is calling you back. 

Not to the former experience, but to the present and future mission. To help the poor. To sit around the banquet table with the lonely, the sick and the lost. To minister salvation to the broken. To touch the lives of the whosoever with Gods love. To seriously pray for a harvest of souls and for the needs of a nation. Lay down the past. Come back. Go to the places that God is calling you to reclaim or claim for Him. Head towards the ground that is soaked with hurt, pain and ravaged by the devastating outcomes of evil and dare to pray and minister blessing there. God is calling you back. Right now. Don't think or deliberate. Don't try to reason the past against your future decisions, head back. Come back with different eyes . Whatever we think of the Army or your experience of Church. look past that. Look towards the vision, the blessing, the joy of seeing lives transformed, healed, touched, restored. 

Yeah. 

Head back guys.

God needs you.

The mission field needs you.  

So we really loved Hayes today. 

I am praying that Dawn and I and Nicky can join God and begin a revolution there. I also pray for you. Yeah, those people who maybe are reading this and know this is timely for you? I pray for you that you will be able to step over whatever has caused you to retreat or temporarily give up and head toward the future with confidence and grace. 

Yeah.

We need you.

God needs you. 

Blessings. 

 

  

Introspection (Looking inside yourself)

Introspection.

A posh word. 

It means a view of the inside. 

Or.

The act or process of self examination. 

It can be both positive and negative. 

Introspection when it's really really negative is an immobiliser. 

It immobilises people. 

When we stop and stare at the inner life and wallow in the self pity of circumstance. When we look inside our life and feel the need to hold on to the past with all our energy. When we look inside our personal world and like it as its always been. When we look inside ourselves and resign ourselves to that's how it will always be for me. You know what I mean? A leopard can't change it's spots and all that?  

Is that how it is for you?

A really negative introspection?

Or.

Introspection when it's positive.

It can be a key to a new freedom. 

When we stop and stare at the inner life and recognise that something has to change. Something has to give or something has to be grasped. When we see that there is hope beyond what we see. When we tackle questions like, is this it for me? Or thoughts like, there must be more than this? Yeah, when we answer those questions with a positive response like, no this isn't it for me! Or yes of course there is more than this! When this response leads us to take positive action that leads to freedom and a new found confidence in life. 

This Sunday was our first in a church that is part of our appointment as West London development officers for the Salvation Army. An exciting role that involves looking to reclaim, plant and restore long devastated work that The Salvation Army used to be joining God in doing in that part of the City of London. 

The first Sunday didn't go well. 

I think we were a shock too much for the people there. 

We came home feeling deathly discouraged. 

We moaned about it to each other, me and Dawn, as you do, we wouldn't be proper Salvationists if we didn't moan a bit? Then we prayed. Then we hit the sack. 

This morning I got up and felt very light in my Spirit. 

I felt really joyful. 

Which was a bit unnerving for me, as I went to bed with a spirit of heaviness.

Dawn and I had our breakfast and then had our silence and prayer as we always do. 

In the silence. 

I took a look inside myself. 

Introspection. 

And I saw that something big had shifted. 

Lately my introspection has been negative. I've chose to look at the big bad unfair stuff of life, the stuff that gets in the way of hope, way too much. In fact if I'm honest I've been like that for ages.  The Gary people have seen in public has not been the same Gary behind closed doors. 

But.

This morning. 

I looked inside and quite frankly realised I'm sick of feeling like everything is a problem. 

I'm tired of being immobilised.

Where's the life in that?

And.

Somehow. 

I glimpsed the hope. 

And my Spirit, my inner life lifted to a level I've not experienced for a long time. 

I grasped.

Freedom. 

And it feels good. 

And even though we are faced with an ultra difficult task in our work. Amazing things will be spoken and enabled over that part of our work. I know it. Because God's already there. 

I really felt compelled to share this on my blog today. 

Introspection.

Is it time for you, if your reading this, to take a look inside yourself?

Are you tired of feeling heavy?

I pray a new freedom over you today. 

And pray that your introspection would be positive. 

Blessings. 

The Salvation Army. Mad on mission?

The vision is rising from my heart to my minds eye.

The more I spend on the street?

The more I'm convinced. 

That the Salvation Army has a place as part of the whole church. 

We've got some history of helping the less fortunate. 

We've got some experience.

We've got glimpses of the lengthening past that show heroic acts of compassion to the poor and the needy. Especially in Victorian England. Just to name a couple, William Booth, Catherine Booth, Booth-Tucker, the slum sisters, Fry and his mad band. and loads of other "mad for it" Salvationist missionaries. 

Someone said to me the other day "but the need was greater in Victorian times."

They obviously don't get out much. 

The need is right in your face!

Now!

Some needs are the same.

Some are different from those times. 

Some are social.

Some are physical.

All are spiritual. 

And. 

Here we are. 

The Salvation Army. 

With our past. With our experience. With our resources. With our forces. With our people.  

Still hovering over a sea of people in need of rescue. 

The past is, well, past.

The now and the future are all that is left. 

And fresh vision is still offered by God. A rock solid hope is still a reality, the chance to be a movement is always there as the Spirit of God breathes life into the church. But we're living in a time where I am sure God wants to raise up the "mad for it" missionaries once again. Those who would stop at nothing to rescue the perishing. Who would not be afraid to walk into the darkest corners of this world or the darkest recesses of people's lives to bring the life breath of God to them. Who would see everything we do as mission, live mission, breathe mission, and being ever on the look out for people in need. Those who would dare to be Spiritual people and talk up Jesus of Nazareth relentlessly. Those who would pray about everything, pray for everything, and listen out for the voice of God. Those would ruthlessly care for the less fortunate and those who live without knowing anything about hope. Those who would communicate joy to the miserable, dry the tears of the broken, listen to those who society closes its ears to, open their arms to the unloved, the lonely and those long suffering. Those who would operate on the opposite side of the bad side of the religion. Those who would be brave and courageous, who would step out of the mundane drudgery of going through the motions and step into the avenue of hope that God's mission inhabits.

Yeah.

I want to be a mad for it missionary. 

Do you?