Introspection.
A posh word.
It means a view of the inside.
Or.
The act or process of self examination.
It can be both positive and negative.
Introspection when it's really really negative is an immobiliser.
It immobilises people.
When we stop and stare at the inner life and wallow in the self pity of circumstance. When we look inside our life and feel the need to hold on to the past with all our energy. When we look inside our personal world and like it as its always been. When we look inside ourselves and resign ourselves to that's how it will always be for me. You know what I mean? A leopard can't change it's spots and all that?
Is that how it is for you?
A really negative introspection?
Or.
Introspection when it's positive.
It can be a key to a new freedom.
When we stop and stare at the inner life and recognise that something has to change. Something has to give or something has to be grasped. When we see that there is hope beyond what we see. When we tackle questions like, is this it for me? Or thoughts like, there must be more than this? Yeah, when we answer those questions with a positive response like, no this isn't it for me! Or yes of course there is more than this! When this response leads us to take positive action that leads to freedom and a new found confidence in life.
This Sunday was our first in a church that is part of our appointment as West London development officers for the Salvation Army. An exciting role that involves looking to reclaim, plant and restore long devastated work that The Salvation Army used to be joining God in doing in that part of the City of London.
The first Sunday didn't go well.
I think we were a shock too much for the people there.
We came home feeling deathly discouraged.
We moaned about it to each other, me and Dawn, as you do, we wouldn't be proper Salvationists if we didn't moan a bit? Then we prayed. Then we hit the sack.
This morning I got up and felt very light in my Spirit.
I felt really joyful.
Which was a bit unnerving for me, as I went to bed with a spirit of heaviness.
Dawn and I had our breakfast and then had our silence and prayer as we always do.
In the silence.
I took a look inside myself.
Introspection.
And I saw that something big had shifted.
Lately my introspection has been negative. I've chose to look at the big bad unfair stuff of life, the stuff that gets in the way of hope, way too much. In fact if I'm honest I've been like that for ages. The Gary people have seen in public has not been the same Gary behind closed doors.
But.
This morning.
I looked inside and quite frankly realised I'm sick of feeling like everything is a problem.
I'm tired of being immobilised.
Where's the life in that?
And.
Somehow.
I glimpsed the hope.
And my Spirit, my inner life lifted to a level I've not experienced for a long time.
I grasped.
Freedom.
And it feels good.
And even though we are faced with an ultra difficult task in our work. Amazing things will be spoken and enabled over that part of our work. I know it. Because God's already there.
I really felt compelled to share this on my blog today.
Introspection.
Is it time for you, if your reading this, to take a look inside yourself?
Are you tired of feeling heavy?
I pray a new freedom over you today.
And pray that your introspection would be positive.
Blessings.
