Red Mist Rising!

Today hasn't got off to a good start.

The first thing I did when I rolled out of bed this morning and went down stairs was checked my email.

I wish I'd switched Sky Sports news on as I normally would do!

In my inbox was a message from the college I am taking my Masters degree with. It was from the finance department. It was one of those messages that you quickly kind of pick up that the tone is not good? The person writing it said that they were 'disappointed' that I hadn't paid a balance of £36.43 towards an accommodation fee from 2010!

I have to explain that this finance department have messed up my college fees throughout my course and I have had to work hard to get them sorted. Harder than I should have.

So when I read the email at 7.30am this morning.

The red mist descended.

A rush of anger spread from the base of my abdomen through my thoracic regions, squeezed through my neck and into my head!

And I reacted!

Typing out an email in response, I banged the computer keys with my index finger until it hurt!

It's amazing how when this happens you lose all inhibitions! Your common sense screams out at you to to pull back and refrain from a reaction.

But you just ignore it and unleash the reaction.

For a moment it even feels good!

It's amazing what happens in your mind at this point.

I pictured the person who has wrote the email, even though I have never seen her, sitting with a smug smile on her face, arms folded looking all proud because she has wrote this stinging rebuke.

I heard the voice of this person in my head saying "a ha! That will teach you, you bad boy!". Or words to that effect!

All this, even though Mr Common sense was telling me "That is is just stupid! It's just an email! If you react like this to an email what happens if something really serious happens!"

I just ignored Mr Common Sense again and pressed send with a great deal of self gratification!

Blessed are the peacemakers!

Now I'm sitting in the quiet and the anger has subsided I am so disappointed with myself!

Over the last couple of years I've worked so hard to be a peacemaker.

I've worked with God to make some radical changes in my life. I haven't reacted to any human conflict for a long time and have been doing so well. I am ultra calm most of the time.

But this morning this came from absolutely nowhere.

I'm not an easily angered person and my tolerance levels are pretty substantial.

But this morning anyone watching my sheer madness would have been able to dispute that quite easily!

In the quietness, now, as the nasty emotion of anger has subsided to reveal a restored calmness, I feel other emotions vying for an entry into my heart. Guilt, disappointment, regret, remorse.

I wish I hadn't reacted like that.

And in my mind the battle is raging on. Voices speak loudly into this quietness. "All the good work you've done has been undone," or the "The old Gary is back."

But Me and God are too far down the road with our relationship to listen to that rubbish.

It's the voice of the accuser of the brothers, it's one of his cunning techniques to twist up our lives.

Hear this truth today.

God is full of mercy and loaded with grace! And it's sure and everlasting!

And choosing to believe that brings back a spiritual equilibrium.

It restores my soul.

I don't know why God wants me to share this on my blog today but I feel he wants me to share the prayer I've just prayed with you guys.

Maybe there is someone in the same boat today, someone who is struggling with a reaction or a response that maybe was out of character or that you wish you hadn't made?

Or maybe are about to make!!!

Just take a moment.

Take a step back from the battle that's raging in your head.

just step away from the battle, just for a moment.

Reflect on the scriptural truth that blessed are the peacemakers. (Matthew 5: 9)

We have a responsibility to be peacemakers. It's part of our mission?

So how can we do that with that family member who's ticked us right off this morning? That boss who has infuriated our inner senses? That friend who has let us down?

Whoever and whatever?

How can we bring peace to that situation?

I've just sent a little email to the person who was nasty to me saying sorry about the other email. This person is going to think I'm mad but hey?

Maybe this prayer I've prayed this morning may help you as it's helped me?

Maybe you could pray it too?

Lord, I'm sorry for the reaction this morning. I feel rubbish. But I want to thank you for your amazing grace and mercy that is true and real. I receive it now. I believe it now. I forgive that person who wrote that email and ask you to bless them today. As I forgive them I ask you to forgive me and I receive it gratefully right now. Lord I refuse to believe the lie that all the good work you have accomplished in my life is undone. I reject the guilt and the shame right now and ask you to restore me to a right relationship with you. I thank you that I am immediately back on track this day. As I go into the day today give me more strength to be a peacemaker. Bring me blessing and make me a blessing too.

In the name of Jesus.

Amen.

Lost in prayer

Continuing on from the theme of my last post Soul Space, I am well on the way in my preparation for my dissertation on Silence.

This morning I decided to search the City of Durham for some silence.

My day started with my 'quiet' time in the coffee shop that doubles as my office! A gorgeous contemporary place fitted out with decor that makes it look positively space age!

I decided that this morning I would listen intently to what I could hear. I heard a constant drone of traffic outside rising and diminishing in a kind of symphonic swell of continuous noise. I noticed how surprisingly regular the clink of coffee cups hitting tables or saucers was. I heard the constant noise of the barristas as they went about their busy work constructing amazing coffees and loading plates with sweet culinary delights. There was the low din of conversation, the rustling of page turns from newspapers, the squeak of wet shoes on a laminate floor. There was the grating noise of wooden chairs being moved on the same laminate floor. I heard the flush of the toilets more than once. And finally that background music, piped in over the sound system. For some reason the owner had chosen a meatloaf album, Bat out of hell not really making for a peaceful ambience!

Noise, noise, noise!

Constant noise.

I'd never really noticed it that much before.

Spurred on by my findings, I ventured out into the street. The streets of the city were already thronged with people and it was only 9am. So the heady mixture of footsteps and chatter filled the air. The traffic was louder than in the coffee shop out here, buses and lorries, cars and vans and motorbikes too, one with that annoying thing they do by taking their silencers off and frighten people witless when they accelerate. More of that piped background music coming out of clothes shops. It started raining heavily while I was walking, and the heavy rain hitting the pavement made for a pretty loud noise that seemed to supersede everything else.

Relentless noise.

No silence.

I went directly to the Cathedral. Surely there was a silent space there?

As I entered the amazing building approximately 1000 years old normally I get an awe filled moment on entry to it, but today as I was on a specific quest to find some silence.

The first thing I noticed in the main space was the constant grind of chatter from the already increasing number of tourists who come to Durham daily. It sounded like a constant distant murmuring that blended into one doleful din. The constant clatter of various types of shoes including stilettos cracked of the hard stone floor. There was a guy working to fix something and was hammering away the sound from which reverberated around the massive space making it seem like people were hammering all over the building. I went outside to my favourite space in the whole ancient complex, the cloisters, the original cloisters from the community of Benedictine monks that once lived at the cathedral. The cloisters now more famed for it's use as a set in a few of the Harry Potter movies than the deeply spiritual thin place it has been for many people over the years. It was the most peaceful place I had been in so far this morning. The rain was coming down hard and fast. I sat and just listened. The first thing I noticed was that the rain made it's own noise, a very beautiful noise, but noise all the same. The footsteps of people walking around the cloister started fairly soon after I had sat down. The click of cameras, a mobile phone went off, a lady somehow turned her handbag over not realising she hadn't zipped it up causing everything, make up, keys, phone, to fall out on to the floor with an almighty clatter!

I decided to go to an area of the cathedral that has a sign asking people to be quiet. The shrine of St Cuthbert, the burial place of one of the great Celtic Saints that is the end point of pilgrims from all over the world who believe this dead guy still has some kind of anointing and can heal the sick alongside a wealth of other virtues. It is a very quiet space.

Or so I thought.

As I sat opposite his tomb, four tourists walked in. As true as I sit writing this blog, one of them started to sing, 'Give me the moonlight' and did a kind of tap dance thing right across the shrine. This caused her mates to start laughing. I have to admit it made me laugh too, I'm shocked at my irreverence sometimes! but the thing is there was no silence.

As I sat back in the main nave area of this great cathedral, I began to resign myself that wherever we go in this world even in the most quiet of places, you will never find absolute silence.

You can't get away from the noise. Even when we are asleep at the dead of night, or scale the most remote mountain, or sail out to the most deserted of islands, we still breathe!

Of course this type of silence The desert fathers and mothers would have seen as exterior silence.

They were more interested in finding interior silence.

Interior silence is that silent place we can come to inside our lives, the place that allows us to be at peace, where our Spirit connects with Gods Holy Spirit.

The peace which knows no understanding.

When you think about it, it is almost impossible to find total exterior peace in this world.

My mind zoomed in on a psalm.

Psalm 139

Especially verse 7: Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

You cannot get away from Gods presence.

How amazing is that thought.

He's in every single incident, adventure, mishap, trauma, tragedy, success, you name it? He's there!

And he's in the noise, and he's in the silence.

And because of that we can find interior silence.

Inner space.

I started to pray sitting in an empty pew towards the back of the huge God room.

Within a few moments I was lost in God, lost in the prayer, in the interior silence of my soul. A place that kind of blots out the world around you so you don't notice what's going on. I prayed about some stuff that I needed to pray about and when I had finished found that I was kneeling on the kneel rail attached to the back of the pew in front of me. As I looked up I became aware that a group of tourists were all staring at me as they walked slowly up the centre aisle.

For a second thoughts flooded in to my mind like, 'what do you look like kneeling there where everyone can see you, you look like a right fool!'

But I felt the Spirit of God gently speak into my heart that by demonstrating prayer I immediately had an impact on those looking.

Whatever they thought, it was a reminder that there is a God, that people believe in.

And I realised something else.

Interior silence is the place where we can be in the world but not of this world.

Where we allow God to use us in total connection to his will and purpose. It's probably how persecuted Christians throughout the ages have been able to stand up for Jesus in the face of the most terrifying situations. It's probably how the unsung and the sung heroes of the faith have been able to achieve devastating things for the kingdom in this dark world.

Because they have experienced interior silence in a world of exterior noise.

In the presence of God we can achieve astonishing things forever?

Too much noise in your life?

Seek the silent place, the thin place.

Not just the exterior silent place although the quieter the better I guess.

Seek it deep in your soul.

Soul Space

Noise hurts.

Even more so since I embarked on my quest to complete my dissertation for my MA in mission. The title being The missiological nature of silence.

I've studied, researched, had conversations about silence! Its a bit ironic really that in fact, it's really noisy doing all that.

One thing I have realised though, is that my life gets way too noisy and I am beginning more and more to find that the balance between fighting for the disadvantaged and the needy and taking care of what's going on inside my own life is so essential to my journey through this life.

And lately?

The need for silence and space has heightened.

I love writing, I love speaking, I love ministering to people, I love the work I've been called to do. But it's amazing how cluttered my life gets in the midst of all that.

Anyone out there relate to that?

I have worked hard to develop a lifestyle of prayer. And I have built prayer spaces into my every day life, and I love praying, and I definitely realise that without it I won't survive the Christian journey.

But I've noticed even in those precious times that my prayer times are getting cluttered, kind of overloaded with prayer!

That sounds mad I know, but I'm cluttering my prayer times with "God bless this!" "God I need this!" "God will you do such and such!" "God will you change the world please!"

Lots of shooting from the hip when it comes to prayer.

lots of talk.

And I totally understand how life-giving that is to me and to the world.

But I need, no, I'm craving for, silence.

Just to discover more of what lays in the silence, more of what God has in store in the quiet, in the solitude.

I need space.

I need solitude.

I need more time to take a soul check.

It's amazing how frightened we get of silence. Wherever we go we have piped music even in toilets in some places! People crave noise. The earphone revolution is still gathering pace, we have to do do do. We go on so called retreats, and find that really its a conference with teaching and activity that you could often well just do without. We fill our lives with noise.

It's hard to take responsibility for what's happening in our soul.

On holiday last week Dawn and I walked out on the east coast of the UK and found the most remote and quiet spot overlooking a gorgeous blue sea and all you could hear was the occasional gull and the gentle movement of the ocean. And we just sat and took it all in.

In one of those times, I had a deep spiritual encounter with God. I was lying on my back, resting my head on my backpack. I stared into an almost cloudless blue sky. A scripture that I don't recall preaching on or studying or had read about recently or indeed anything like that at all, just dropped into my head. Actually more like exploded into my mind with precision and clarity.

It was Luke 1: 46 And Mary said, "My soul does magnify the Lord."

Commonly known as Mary's song.

The Magnificat.

As I looked skywards I began to picture Mary, feeling really blessed because of the miracle of Jesus, saying with absolute assurance and with complete confidence, "my soul does magnify the Lord."

Then I heard the voice of God direct a question at me.

"Gary, can you say with absolute confidence that your soul magnifies the Lord?"

I reeled back into the grass a little bit and thought about that deeply.

My soul, my innermost unseen spiritual part. The word magnify I understand in this context means to honour and lift high the Lord, but it could equally mean to make God much bigger on my life.

Putting those things together you get something like this.

Does my soul, my innermost spiritual unseen part reflect the glory and honour of the Lord? Is God seen as big in my life?

Does my soul magnify the Lord?

Can I say that with confidence?

I was spiritually drawn in right at the moment to check out my soul.

How am I responding to God and the world right now? Am I in good spiritual health?

I had convinced myself I was? Because I was filling my life with lots of do do do.

So there in the silence, I looked.

And guess what?

I found some cracks in my soul.

Cracks that I need to take responsibility to repair them.

It was like a spiritual X-ray!

I was able in the silence in the space, to allow the Holy Spirit to show me around my spiritual inner life.

And I was able to take responsibility for the things that obviously need a Holy work.

And it makes a difference.

The monks and nuns throughout the ages have known the importance of making space for silence.

In the silence we have to face our demons, and take responsibility for our souls.

In my studies of silence spanning anything from the desert fathers to how do you find silence in the city, I have picked up an observation that people especially those wrapped up in alternative religious activity and self help think that silence leads us to a place of tranquility and calm.

I can say and I know many monastic people will say, silence doesn't always lead us to that place, it can also lead us to a place of battle and a place of struggle.

And we need it.

We need to face up to ourselves, to our inner battles, to the demons.

We can't just keep filling our lives with noise.

We need space to be quiet.

And I know God needs me to throw this challenge out there.

Well, a couple of challenges really.

So here goes.

When did you last make space for some solitude and silence?
Can you say with confidence my soul does magnify the Lord?

I know the excuses will flood in. They do with me. But you can make time. You need to make time.

God requires us to look into our souls.

He's already there looking.

Seeing.

Everything.

Maybe it's time to take responsibility for the inside of you?

The Army of the now

This morning I'm writing this in a quiet spot overlooking the sea.

It's glorious morning.

The blazing sun is making the flat, still, sea glisten with what seems like millions of fine cut diamonds sending their crystal beams every which way.

The sky is clear.

Where the clear bright blue sky meets the vastness of the sparking sea, as far as the eye can see, is a gorgeous and astonishing visible straight line.

Beyond the straight line is a place where maybe endless possibilities lay? A place where imagination has to take over from what is seen. A place where perhaps dreams and hopes can be transformed into truth and reality.

The straight line is the horizon.

Last night I was speaking to a large and vibrant gathering at the Salvation Army's Northern divisional summer school.

I want to tell you guys, it was one amazing night.

High octane worship.

Lots of laughter.

Some tears.

It was one of those events that it was so easy to speak into.

Young people hungry to hear from God.

And God just took over my heart and my mouth!

I couldn't even begin to tell you what I said last night.

As I was speaking, I was directly looking into a sea of young faces.

Expectant.

Ready.

Primed.

The SalvationArmy of the future?

I guess so?

But I think they deserve more respect than that.

They are the salvation Army of the now.
As I look over the sea today, I stare in awe of the perfect God created straight line that is the horizon.

I begin to picture in my minds eye the face of the Army of the now last night staring back at this crazy preacher.

These faces formed a straight line along the horizon I am looking at now.

And I am wondering what lays beyond this horizon for these amazing human beings?

And I also wonder what lays beyond the horizon for the Salvation Army?

I saw an Army of hungry, visionary people. The Army of the now marching into territory unknown, knowing the truth that God will give us every scrap of land it sets foot in. Marching to a land of hope, of possibility of undiscovered treasures, hidden for generations.

An Army poised to push on beyond the straight line, and discover what is beyond the pseudo-horizons of bland Salvationism and Spirit-numbing religion.

I saw in these young faces a determination, the determination of the saints who have fight the good fight for decades. A determination that brings heavenly possibility to the forefront of our mission that will not be suppressed by human failure or the injustice of control.

I saw beyond the horizon a fantastically gifted Army of the now, sharing their bright and infectious personalities as well as their obvious talents with the broken.

In the faces of these young people I saw the wide eyed freshness of a rejuvenated Salvation Army. Ready, willing and able to march from the throne of God beyond the horizon into the dark unknown to rescue those who are lost.

I saw an Army re-connecting with it's reason for being.

Yeah.

Sitting looking at this horizon I feel compelled to pray and maybe there are those who read this who will join me?

I feel compelled to pray beyond the horizon.

To take my prayers into the unknown.

To claim unchartered land for the kingdom of God.

To pray that we will not be afraid to go beyond our normal scope of thinking, beyond what we see now?

To pray beyond the horizon with passionate belief and hope that all of us have an incredible and significant part to play in the transformation of this planet.

Victory is secure beyond the horizon so come on guys, march with confidence and boldness.

It's the time of the Army of the now.

Pray Peace

The streets of some of our cities here in the UK are experiencing rioting on a scale not seen for a long time.

Thousands of young men adorned in the prerequisite hoodie and scarf around the face are wreaking havoc as they spread violence, destruction and mayhem. Then the next morning are boasting of their triumphs on the social networking sites.

People are frightened as homes and businesses are targeted.

It's chaos.

More and more unrest is lacing the UK with a bitterness that is spreading.

And worst of all there doesn't seem to be a reason for it? There doesn't seem to be a cause or an end game.

Hey Church!

What are we doing about it?

Peacemakers!

That's what we need to be. That's what we need to make sure we are.

Peacemakers.

And we will be blessed because of that.

I would say God is calling all of us who have an ounce of the Spirit of God within us to arise and stand up and be counted.

We need to begin a revolution of peace right now.

And it starts like all great movements of God with us crying out to God in prayer.

We need to see these events as a major opportunity for peace to be let loose. Peace to invade the country and peace to win the hearts of those who are carrying out these mindless actions.

The problem with peace making a comeback in society is that the government have stripped it from our schools, our media, our society in general through political correctness and other futile gestures and orders.

Mention Jesus in a school and people look at you as if you have got two heads.

Mention Jesus in some churches and the same happens.

The very prince of peace has been shut out by the weakness of power mad ladder climbers who will say anything and do anything and be anything to become a bit of a name in the world.

And we are suffering.

Humanity is Suffering badly.

So we have to be peacemakers..

It's up to us to unlock doors that society has erected to keep the prince of peace out. It's up to us to radically demonstrate peace. To come in the opposite Spirit.

Where there is violence bring a loving touch.

Where there is destruction bring restoration.

Where hope has gone bring massive hope.

Where there is mayhem bring a sense of calm.

Where the prince of darkness has been let loose, set the Spirit of God loose.

Where there is war bring peace.

And it starts with prayer

Pray madly.

Pray unconditionally.

Don't look at the TV screens or at the violence direct and condemn it and judge it and shake our heads at it.

Pray.

Pray that the Prince of peace will flood our nation. Pray for calm, pray for the people who are being affected by this and having their lives ruined and their livelihoods threatened. Pray for the sad lost souls who are carrying these actions out, pray they will have there whole lives turned around by an encounter with Jesus Christ. Pray for the decision makers and the law bringers that they will carry out justice with confidence and clarity. Pray for our streets. Pray for the generations coming up that they will not be caught up in the build up of unrest. Pray for peace.

Peace to our streets.

Peace to our hearts.

Peace to our nation.

Peace to our world.

The peace of the one who loves unconditionally and craves peace.

Be what the bible calls us to be.

Peacemakers.

Seek peace in our own lives. If you don't feel at peace with yourself today. Get into the presence of God right now. Ask him to flood your life with the peace that knows no understanding.

We have to do it.

Let's drop those battles that really on the face of it aren't worth a fight over. We know what they are.

There a world out there that needs us. The church.

Let's overwhelm this nation with a demonstration of unconditional love and prayer and engagement.

Lord we pray for peace in this nation and beyond. Pour out your spiritual water on this dry thirsty nation. Bring order to the violent streets of our cities. Put you mighty hand over the unrest. Bless us your church Lord to carry out the mission of peacemaking in this world. Give us an authority through your Spirit, give us a kind of diplomatic status that allows us to go spiritually into the darkest of places and the most volatile of situations. Unleash the power of your Spirit on this world in a torrent of peace, peace unprecedented in the history of humankind.

Thank you in the name Jesus Christ.

Flatliners

I guess you guys are aware that a ‘flatline’ in hospital speak refers to a trace on a heart monitor that indicates a very serious situation?

It means the heart has stopped working.

And if left untreated?

Death happens.

This week I decided to read our visitors book at sanctuary 21. It’s a nice little leather bound book that people usually write nice things about their stay at S21, whether they have come to pray, eat, chat or whatever else they come to do.

I say mostly nice comments because nearly all of them are.

All except one!

Tucked away at the bottom of the page I was reading was this.

NO FLAG, NO CREST? WHAT A SHAME.

And written directly underneath that statement?

DITTO.

So in a place where literally hundreds of people pray and worship day and night, where many more find a family and a community, including the homeless, the lonely and a good smattering of genuine societal outcasts. In a place where many Christians are working together to reach out to the lost on the streets of the City and beyond, there is no flag or crest?

So it will make all the difference to the kingdom if we had these sacred icons?

I have to say that it’s not even because we don’t want them, or don’t believe we should have them or anything remotely like that. It’s just we are a fairly new project and haven’t got round to it yet.

I don’t really think Gods that worried about it really.

I would take an informed guess that he is much more concerned about lives going to waste, or people truly and desperately needing Jesus Christ to turn their lives around.

There is a good indication in the bible for this.

1 Do you not know, brothers and sisters—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulterous. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulterous if she marries another man.
4 So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. 5 For when we were in the realm of the flesh,[a] the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code. (Romans 7: 1-4)

Here is the thing.

Sinful passions can be awakened by the law and when that happens we can easily focus on the nonsensical stuff that really doesn’t produce anything.

In fact, as this scripture says, it produces death.

But when we die to the law?

We will belong to Christ and keep focused on him.

And that produces fruit.

It produces life.

Focussing on stuff we humanly shape into the stuff of importance but in truth is useless unless we are serious about God above all else produces one thing.

A flatline.

A kind of spiritual flatline.

And flatliners are not really of use to anything or anyone because it means we are, well, dead.

But, when we focus our sights solely on Jesus Christ of Nazareth?

Well the power of the Holy Spirit can instantly bring the flatliner back into the normal rhythm. A bit like a spiritual defibrillation. A blast of 220 volts direct to the heart.

And for those of us who focus on things that really aren’t that important? Jesus can without doubt restart our hearts.

NO FLAG, NO CREST?

That is dead talk from dead men walking.

There is no life in that comment.

We have to be careful we don’t become an army of flatliners.

Because we really will be dead.

I’m definitely not saying the whole of the Salvation Army is one big flatline. I see so much life in it. There are so many people who do not try to focus on the law that brings death, but choose to focus on the one true God who brings life.

But according to the S21 visitor book there are those who maybe focus on the not so important things?

Don’t be a flatliner.

Why be a flatliner when we can make sure we are alive?

Today I truly want to bring those who maybe lost in the law before God. (And for myself when I flatline sometimes)

I want to pray this.

Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you? (Psalm 85:6)

Lots of amazing favour on your lives today guys.

Genesis

My wife loves telling me about a trip she made with her Dad about fifteen years ago. They were traveling on a motorway, the M1 I think. Dawn fell asleep, as she often does in the car. She is not a great long car journey companion! You end up on your own for most of it! And on this occasion she fell asleep. (She wasn't driving I might add). Her dad had been chewing a piece of chewing gum on the journey, and decided that he had had enough of it so took it out of his mouth. Now being a very environmentally conscious person, Dawn's dad Ron, wouldn't just discard of it by rolling the window down and throwing it out. He definitely wouldn't place it in his car anywhere as he is fastidious in his car cleanliness! So he decided to keep it in his hand until they next made a stop!

You can guess can't you?

As Dawn woke up somewhere along the M1, she wondered what on earth her dad was doing. He was driving but was desperately trying to disentangle himself from long strings of chewing gum that had got on to the dashboard, the steering wheel, the seat, and on Ron himself!

He was in a complete mess and they had to pull over to disentangle him from the mess he had got himself in.

In the course of our ministry particularly at Liverpool Boiler Room and here in Sanctuary 21 Dawn and I deal with people entangled in the most amazingly complex messes. Lives tangled in Internet porn, witchcraft, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, consumer debt, bad relationship choices, dead end jobs that they hate, you name it we see it all the time.

Tangled messes that have just ensnared people and trapped people, and we see them struggling to disentangle themselves.

I myself was in a complete tangled mess at one stage of my life and I'd like to share a glimpse of that now.

Before I became a minister I worked in a hospital operating theatre, as a part of the team that scrubbed for open heart procedures. I lived and worked in a high velocity environment of fast paced City hospital life, and as a consequence of that I tended to live life on the edge. I was single, had a sports car, spent all my money and beyond what I earned on women, football, night clubbing and cars. I got myself into a series of long relationships that were not right for me. Living on the edge of oblivion meant that I got myself into some scary situations and mixed with some really scary people.

But on the surface, to the world outside my life? I looked like I had everything. I looked like I was sorted, like I was accepted and significant. I was even going to the Salvation Army, in fact was fully involved, but not because of God. Everyone in the church thought I was a great asset, a laugh, a good bloke.

But here's the thing.

Inside my life? I was dying.

Dying of the pain of insecurity and the mad scramble to be secure.

Dying of the shame of only thinking of me and never others.

I was constantly tired of acting the role of the Gary that everyone wanted and knew.

I lost my identity.

I lost the real Gary, lost him in the entangled mess that built up in my life.

I don't want to get into my dramatic conversion story here, it's way too long! But I do want to say this. I remember clearly one afternoon where I was simply walking along the road. Nothing more, nothing less. Just walking. I suddenly became aware of the mess I was in, acutely aware.

And I became even more aware that I wanted desperately to experience a different life, a good life, where others came first, where I had a purpose and a reason for existing.

At this point I can honestly say that this is the moment I prayed my first ever genuine prayer.

This was it.

Will someone get me out of here? Jesus get me out of this mess please!

I cried this prayer out in my heart.

And he did. But that's another part of this story that I'll tell another time.

The point is this. My personal mess, my tangled and entrapped life was pretty bad. But I've seen much worse.

But I want to say that there is an awesome way out.

It's to do with new beginnings.

It's to do with new creation.

It's to do with fresh life.

It's to do with Genesis.

I want to share this from the message bible with you.

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. (Psalm 51:10 MSG)

Shape a Genesis week out of the chaos of my life!

That was really the essence of my simple prayer back then.

I know when I am asked by God to share any part of my personal story, then God wants to speak to someone through that. So I am confident that someone reading this today is feeling tangled up, feeling you are in a mess that you can't seem to free yourself from or worse have resigned yourself to feeling there is no way out.

You maybe feel trapped, restricted, belittled, undermined, frustrated, maybe even worthless and hopeless.

Listen. As hard as it is to pray that scripture as a prayer, pray it, even right now.

God make a fresh start in me. Shape a genesis week out of the chaos of my life.

Take a step out of your mess today.

Enough is enough.

However impossible your chaos seems?

Remember God is massive.

He saves the hardest of people, he can soften the hardest of hearts.

He can do the impossible so don't even think your impossible situation is insurmountable.

Don't try and untangle the mess on your own like my father in law trying to work is way out of the chewing gum situation. Choose God to bring you out now.

Step into a deeper relationship with him now.

Go on decide to do it.

Let him shape a Genesis week out of the chaos of your life.

And a scripture that I want to leave with you again from the message.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:30 MSG)

Massive blessings on your life today.