Cell

Inside the room the cold bit hard. 

In the simplicity of this room, the ultra minimalistic space spoke volumes about the past, the present and the future.

I was standing alone in the centre of a long-abandoned intact monastic cell set amongst the ruins of a ninth century monastery set in astonishing landscape deep in the heart of the UK.

It was a room where many moons ago monks would have lived out their lives in this space.

The room was square. Set into the wall opposite the doorway was a large fireplace. There was no window. It was dark, lonely and deadly quiet. You could not hear a sound.

That was it.

I had come to this place to think.

I was struggling with some things that hung around my life that needed sorting out sooner rather than later. So, I had travelled to this place so I could face up to myself, and connect with God more intimately.

As I stood in this icy cold, dark space my mind began to relate to the cell, the space that monks spent hours alone with themselves.

This was the place where they would have faced their demons. Where the inner struggle that lay deep within their life would be at it's peak. This is the place where intense inner battles would have been fought, won, and lost. 

Armed with hours of liturgical prayer, deep Lectio Divina, back breaking work either in the scriptorium or in garden, maybe endless chapter meetings that were a bit tedious after a while, would keep a monk busy and engaged. 

But here in the cell?

It was just you and God.

My battle started as I began bring before God my dilemmas and my issue.

Inside the cell I wrestled and I fought. I knew I needed to let go of some stuff but wanted desperately to hold on to it. It was plainly obvious that to carry on my journey, going from glory to glory, and stepping up to the next level in my relationship with God, I had to sort it. The demons that were holding on to me were fighting for my life. And I was happy to try and hold on to them, but needed to get rid of them.

In the middle of that battle. I realised I was facing my issues head on.

They had come out in the room and faced me.

And in the quietness of that cell I felt the strength flow into my body and my heart. 

I was ready to face them.

In those moments God gently enabled me to let go of them, to expel them from my life and the room.

I thanked God and then the space just fell silent.

The silence of the room closed in on me, in a good way. Gods arms cut through the silence and wrapped around me. 

Battle won.

This got me thinking recently. We so need a cell.

All of us.

We need that space where we can face up to our demons.

A place we can be alone with God.

The early Monastics knew this well.

Just lately, I have been busy doing all kinds of stuff. As you do! The thing about busyness is that you are able to cover up your inner struggles. As long as we are busy we can just put things that need to be dealt with aside. As long as we are working really hard or playing really hard then we convince ourselves we will be OK.

Where is our cell?

Where is our space to be alone with God?

It's not always a peaceful space.

If it is a place where we confront our demons then it won't always be peaceful.

Maybe that's what keeps us out of our own space with God sometimes?

But the cell leads us to prayer. To that intimate engagement with God. It leads us to contemplate, to think, to decipher our inner stuff.

It's a place where there is silence. The atmosphere is silent. And silence is sometimes necessary to think straight and to listen.

It's a place of retreat, of relationship, it's a spiritual battle ground.

It's also a place to grow, to reenergise, to re-shape your life.

Where is your cell?

There are no distractions. God can deal with us in the cell.

We can examine our inner being in the silence, in the solitude.

Maybe lately you have been way to busy. Maybe there are things that need to be sorted in your life? Maybe you have innocently thought that you need to keep busy to keep your mind off things?

Ask yourself today is that really the best thing to do?

God is always available. So I guess the time to deal with things is now?

But maybe solitude is the best destination for that?

I pray that you will find your cell.

Your own space where self examination can take place, and from there allow God to heal, transform, re-shape and renew you.