Below Zero

This morning it's freezing.

I stepped out of my front door this morning and the cold immediately bit me.

It's at times like this I wish I didn't shave my head bare blade!

My head is so cold the icy pain is penetrating my skull. Before work today I need to but a hat, pronto!

The cold this morning reflects the way I feel today.

For the longest time I've felt so spiritually hot.

But this morning I feel I am below freezing spiritually. Probably around minus 3 degrees centigrade.

About a year ago I wrote a blog called Wilderness, a blog post that shared from my heart that Dawn and I felt stranded and alone living in a small village in the North East of England miles away fro our friends, our families, and more than that, City life.

Since then we have worked tirelessly and fought ferociously to focus on kingdom building work despite our wilderness experience.

And we have come through this far.

But this morning the wilderness is back. It's never really left us but we have tried so hard to cope.

This morning though, I'm having one of those moments where I feel stuck and I can't see a way ahead for us. And I also know that we need to move back to a City soon.

I feel spiritually freezing this morning.

Below zero.

This week I traveled by train from Durham to London for a meeting.

As I stepped out onto the pavement outside Kings cross station in the centre of the City of London, I was hit by the thousands of people cramming the sidewalks, the gridlocked traffic with red buses, black taxis and filthy lorries dominating the queues. I was almost deafened by the noise of the City.

It took my breath away.

And I knew right then that this is where I flourish best, where I feel I operate to the maximum, where my heart really is.

But for now I am in a village, a village full of amazing people, at a church with such great people, who we love deeply, but my heart and my destiny lay in the City.

Every day is a fight just to fight off the loneliness and the feeling of isolation.

I don't think the trip to London helped me at all this week.

And this morning?

I feel freezing.

In the past, I have kind of resisted asking God to help us in this situation as I Know he places us where he needs us.

I know that!

But this morning I just cried out aloud to God to come and rescue us. I feel like we need rescuing.

I guess I'm not alone in feeling like this. We all get to this point I guess at various stages in our lives?

The problem is we know in theory these are the times we need to turn to God, but it seems difficult to do somehow?

With all my strength today I prayed that God would give me something to grasp a hold of.

A lifeline.

I opened the bible at Psalm 6.

Maybe Psalm 6 is a lifeline today?

This Psalm resonated totally with how I'm feeling this morning.

David seems to be spiritually freezing. He cries out to God, more than that he has right old moan to God! He says, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long? How long?”

That's my actual cry this morning!

He cries to the Lord to save and deliver him from the situation he finds himself in, he implores God to rescue him.

Sounds so much like me today!

In fact uncannily it's the same anguished cry from the heart that I have this morning.

“I am worn out from my groaning”, David cries pleadingly.

That's exactly how I feel. Internally and externally I have groaned for a long time as I have lived out this total wilderness experience.

But then, David's faith light switches on!

This is why I find the Psalms so helpful in difficult times, you can relate to the anguish but David seems to be able to switch on his faith light in almost every situation.

He says with stunning assurance, “The Lord has heard my cry for mercy, the Lord accepts my prayer.”

Among all the coldness of an anguished soul He recognizes that God not only hears our prayers but accepts our prayers.

This truth brings heat my freezing heart this day.

Deep in my being, I know that God is there, I know he hears my cries, and I understand he accepts my cries, takes them on board. He doesn't just absorb them and do nothing, he always does something.

Whatever you feel today, whatever situation you guys find yourselves in, then, maybe this truth will bring some warmth to your soul today.

God hears and accepts our prayers.

I don't want to hog my prayers today with my needs, so I pray for you today that this post will help you in some way.