Tonight I was almost at the end of another blog-post.
I had an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t post it yet.
I kept seeing this old blog-post in my mind’s eye.
And I had a strong spiritual urge to publish it again.
I guess for some reason God wants me to re-publish it.
I wrote this nearly five years ago on a cold night in an old SA hall in the North east of England.
I was feeling homesick, and a little lost. I felt that the direction of my ministry was drastically off course.
God spoke to me.
So here goes, I pray it helps someone tonight.
Recently there have been times when I have really felt like I make no difference in the world whatsoever.
I have struggled for one or two days with the question why am in here in Sacriston?
Why this appointment Lord? The people here are fantastic and I love them so much already but I have felt so isolated lately, as if I have been ripped up from a City and a ministry where there were lots of people all around me. I had my places to go in Liverpool, especially Anfield. I had my family near, and I had all my friends nearby. Liverpool is a gateway City so you can fly, get the train or drive anywhere in the world quite easily. Liverpool is a bit warmer when compared to where we live now, and I really hate the cold! The North East is really beautiful and the people are amazing but it seems so far away from anything I am used to, especially City Living.
So why here Lord?
A few weeks ago I went into our little dilapidated Church Building here in Sacriston.
There was no-one around, it was so silent, it was so still.
I began to pray, and I was struggling to even speak to God. (I guess I was puzzled and more than a bit angry with him) But I struggled on. I was walking around our hall shouting, “Come on Lord please answer me!” For about half an hour I kept saying this over and over again. As I was in the middle of my frenzied ramblings to God, a little thought zoomed from seemingly nowhere directly into my head. And I tried to dismiss it. It was the line of an old song, an amazing song really, but just one line kept coming to me, and boy it began to get strong. It stopped me in my tracks completely. “All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to his blood.” Suddenly tears began to lace my face as something in my deepest parts just broke. I found myself kneeling on the ground just crying out to God.
A simple yet profound realization came to me as the Holy Spirit began to make me seriously aware of a very serious fact.
When I became a Salvation Army Officer God required me to make some massive sacrifices and I have to admit I had kind of lost sight of that.
I had somehow got into my head that my destiny was in my hands and I can manufacture what type of ministry I do or where I do that ministry.
I’d lost sight of the sacrifice.
If anyone is out there struggling with where you are right now? Don’t lose sight of the sacrifice!
All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to his blood.
I wrote this prayer, I share it with you guys now.
Lord I came to understand why right now I am here, it’s because it’s not about me it’s all about you. All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to your blood. I realize that I have given my life to you as a sacrifice. So Lord I have to sacrifice the city, my home, my family, my friends, my thoughts, my ambitions. I realize Lord I can’t have it my way, only your way. I need to sacrifice all the vain things that charm me most because you want to use me right here right now. Lord I have to live with these feelings of isolation. I have to live with the fact that the things I see in my mind like, travelling, tackling cities for you, will only happen when you place me there. Right now you want me here for such a time as this. I have to live with the fact that I desperately miss my daughters and my family, my friends, my comforts and some of my pursuits. I have to live with these things because you have called me and I agreed to accept that call and I really realized today Lord that my life is not my own and I need to dedicate my all to follow you. Please forgive me Lord for taking some time to realize this. But I thank you so much for being so patient with me, so understanding and so merciful. Lord I will go anywhere for you, because I know you go before me. Lord use me in this place you have me in right now.
So nearly five years on from the night I wrote that prayer, I have seen God do some remarkable things. I understand more about Him, about myself and about leadership.
The urge to go back to work in a major city is still there, in fact ten times stronger than that night!
And I know more than ever that is where I have to go. But I understand now that I needed more shaping, more experiences, good and bad, preparation for more ministry in new places, and I can now see why the Lord has placed us here.
So tonight I don’t know why God has asked me to re-hash this five year old blog-post, but I just know I have to publish it.
And I believe I have to say these two words for someone.
Hold on!
So I pray this re-hashed post will help someone today?
I had an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t post it yet.
I kept seeing this old blog-post in my mind’s eye.
And I had a strong spiritual urge to publish it again.
I guess for some reason God wants me to re-publish it.
I wrote this nearly five years ago on a cold night in an old SA hall in the North east of England.
I was feeling homesick, and a little lost. I felt that the direction of my ministry was drastically off course.
God spoke to me.
So here goes, I pray it helps someone tonight.
Recently there have been times when I have really felt like I make no difference in the world whatsoever.
I have struggled for one or two days with the question why am in here in Sacriston?
Why this appointment Lord? The people here are fantastic and I love them so much already but I have felt so isolated lately, as if I have been ripped up from a City and a ministry where there were lots of people all around me. I had my places to go in Liverpool, especially Anfield. I had my family near, and I had all my friends nearby. Liverpool is a gateway City so you can fly, get the train or drive anywhere in the world quite easily. Liverpool is a bit warmer when compared to where we live now, and I really hate the cold! The North East is really beautiful and the people are amazing but it seems so far away from anything I am used to, especially City Living.
So why here Lord?
A few weeks ago I went into our little dilapidated Church Building here in Sacriston.
There was no-one around, it was so silent, it was so still.
I began to pray, and I was struggling to even speak to God. (I guess I was puzzled and more than a bit angry with him) But I struggled on. I was walking around our hall shouting, “Come on Lord please answer me!” For about half an hour I kept saying this over and over again. As I was in the middle of my frenzied ramblings to God, a little thought zoomed from seemingly nowhere directly into my head. And I tried to dismiss it. It was the line of an old song, an amazing song really, but just one line kept coming to me, and boy it began to get strong. It stopped me in my tracks completely. “All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to his blood.” Suddenly tears began to lace my face as something in my deepest parts just broke. I found myself kneeling on the ground just crying out to God.
A simple yet profound realization came to me as the Holy Spirit began to make me seriously aware of a very serious fact.
When I became a Salvation Army Officer God required me to make some massive sacrifices and I have to admit I had kind of lost sight of that.
I had somehow got into my head that my destiny was in my hands and I can manufacture what type of ministry I do or where I do that ministry.
I’d lost sight of the sacrifice.
If anyone is out there struggling with where you are right now? Don’t lose sight of the sacrifice!
All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to his blood.
I wrote this prayer, I share it with you guys now.
Lord I came to understand why right now I am here, it’s because it’s not about me it’s all about you. All the vain things that charm me most I sacrifice them to your blood. I realize that I have given my life to you as a sacrifice. So Lord I have to sacrifice the city, my home, my family, my friends, my thoughts, my ambitions. I realize Lord I can’t have it my way, only your way. I need to sacrifice all the vain things that charm me most because you want to use me right here right now. Lord I have to live with these feelings of isolation. I have to live with the fact that the things I see in my mind like, travelling, tackling cities for you, will only happen when you place me there. Right now you want me here for such a time as this. I have to live with the fact that I desperately miss my daughters and my family, my friends, my comforts and some of my pursuits. I have to live with these things because you have called me and I agreed to accept that call and I really realized today Lord that my life is not my own and I need to dedicate my all to follow you. Please forgive me Lord for taking some time to realize this. But I thank you so much for being so patient with me, so understanding and so merciful. Lord I will go anywhere for you, because I know you go before me. Lord use me in this place you have me in right now.
So nearly five years on from the night I wrote that prayer, I have seen God do some remarkable things. I understand more about Him, about myself and about leadership.
The urge to go back to work in a major city is still there, in fact ten times stronger than that night!
And I know more than ever that is where I have to go. But I understand now that I needed more shaping, more experiences, good and bad, preparation for more ministry in new places, and I can now see why the Lord has placed us here.
So tonight I don’t know why God has asked me to re-hash this five year old blog-post, but I just know I have to publish it.
And I believe I have to say these two words for someone.
Hold on!
So I pray this re-hashed post will help someone today?
