Friday, April 29, 2016

Mr Likeable


I was desperate to be liked.

Growing up.

That was it.

The unknown goal.

The unseen dream.

It drove me on.

To do?

Many outstandingly stupid things.

What was behind it?

Well that took a year of prayer and psychological counselling to begin to understand and unravel.

That’s a story for another day.

Being desperate to be liked is only part of a much wider desperation.

That being.

To be accepted.

I somehow from birth felt an outsider, in church, in school, in work, in my family everywhere.

Yes, the root of that has been uncovered.

Thankfully.

Again that is a story for another day.

Being desperate to be liked is has its side effects.

One massive one being blaming everyone else for making you feel like an outsider and completely shirking any responsibility for oneself, one’s actions, one’s reactions, one’s lifestyle.

Being desperate to be liked makes you do stuff, like buy stuff you can’t afford, be someone you are not meant to be, be untruthful to get where you think you should be, make relationship choices that are not right for you. Be led by other people even though you don’t like what they are doing.

All this can lead to debt, false self, disastrous relationships, unsettling work relationships and ultimately gross unhappiness.

Yet.

In my case?

The world thought I was Mr likeable.

The world thought he has got it sorted.

I’ve come to realise I was an expert in creating and wearing various disguises.

I could invent and be whoever I needed to be for any given situation.

In that life of ultra-falseness?

I lost me.

The genuine me.

The person I am destined to be.

But.

Wait.

This isn’t a sad eulogy to my former life.

No.

I have to tell you the truth.

The truth is.

You can change.

Especially with Jesus help.

I know there will be people reading this blog who are thinking deep down oh my! That sounds like me!

I know that because I have sat in the course of my ministry with hundreds of people who have been devastated by their false self. And indeed are continuing to be devastated right now.

But.

You can purge that false self out of your life and rediscover who you are.

The simple key to do this for me was this.

To firstly stop looking at how others or circumstances were treating me and blaming them for my gross unhappiness. Secondly, look at my own part in the unhappiness, what have I contributed to it. Thirdly, to take responsibility for the inside and outside of me.

I remember the day I got so excited that I could actually let go of being a false me. It came with such clarity that I couldn’t understand how I had actually spent most of my life trying to be Mr likeable, trying to please others, trying to impress, trying to be the top dog, the number one. That is so tiring to keep up that no wonder we end up exhausted, unhappy and unfulfilled in life. I remember I was deeply upset by the fact I had not got a certain job that I really wanted and was wallowing in self-pity and rejection. I began to think seriously that no one actually liked me, no one thought I was of any worth and I began to really get depressed by the way I was living and that things didn’t seem to go my way as much as I truly wanted. On the back of a book in my office was a bible verse that was backing up the title of a book I can’t even remember. It was Psalm 10 :5 the first few words hit me and struck me as if having been hit with a stun gun. ‘His ways prosper at all times.’ I don’t know why but I realised that my own ways weren’t prospering at all.  My own ways were a problem. I saw it. The life I had been leading for years in the false self was all about me. And as simplistic as this sounds I knew I had to discover more about God’s ways. I was sick of a none prosperous life. Now so as we are not confused here I am not talking about financial stuff. I’m talking about every aspect of my being.

             I knew I had to change.

             I’ve now stopped blaming others for my circumstances. Even when people are not nice with me. I’ve practiced and learned to look at my own self, to take responsibility for what I do and say, for my own responses and actions.

Once I did that I discovered some amazing things about the real Gary.

I found I was humble.

I found that happiness was sourced in loving and caring for others.

I found that other people actually only hurt me if I let them.

I found that I have more energy because I’ve stopped the tiring drag of trying to be something I’m really not.

I found that I can’t control what others think or say about me.

I found that because of that I didn’t have to invent a Mr likeable anymore.

I found I like the real Gary and hated the inventions of the past.

In all of this?

I am recovering my life.

The reason I write this today is probably slightly prophetic as I started it by just practicing my typing on a new piece of software.

Then.

This came out!

So.

I’m sure this will help someone.

I pray it really does.

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