Catching Salmon

Sat in my church, sanctuary 21 in Durham this morning. We have been packed with homeless guys lately who converge on S21 to get soup and tea and some banter and some love. This morning I sat having breakfast with seven of them. They were telling me that they had spent the afternoon yesterday by the river Wear trying to catch salmon with their bare hands because they were so hungry. Everyday they come with their stories of survival, some are heartfelt others you can tell are massively embellished! But one story really struck me today. One guy called Shorty was kind of answering a question I had asked about how he had ended up in the position he is in. He said that he had been born into a gypsy family. His father was abusive towards his mother and his brother as well as to him.

He looked at me with sad, almost vacant eyes and told me of one thing he can remember that he says sticks with him always. He said that he loved horses as a kid, and he always dreamed of a horse. When he was eight he dared to ask his dad for a horse. His dad said he would buy him one for christmas. When Christmas day came he noticed there was a box, a large box under the tree. He excitedly went towards it and opened it up.

Inside it was full of horse manure (that wasn't the word he used) and his dad said "that is the only horse you'll be getting."

Extreme mental cruelty.

And it has left it's damage on Shorty.

So much so today his life is difficult to say the least.

He has never experienced fatherly love of an earthly kind.

How many? How many people are so bereft of love? Of compassion? Of acceptance? Of significance? Of a feeling of worth?

Sitting with these guys I as reminded that I could be entertaining angels. I was awash with a sense of Gods heartbeat as I sat eating my cheese toastie with them.

And God really does love them.

There is so much work to do guys.

Blessings.

2010

I'm writing this from the leather sofas in Sanctuary 21 Durham. It's about 10.20 am and we are about to start work on the last saturday that we will be open in 2010.

It's the end of a year that we have seen sanctuary 21 spring up, a year of hard and dedicated work to get the project off the ground. It's been quite an amazing journey. 

Durham can be such a difficult place to work. Large slices of the city can be Weighed down by traditionalism and academia. Stuck in an age of reasoning and proving. In certain quarters it is full of massive egos and selfish ambition. There are Lots of so called intelligent people who's minds are so full of the know everything attitude That they just can't get a real grip on everyday life. It can be a city so full of elitism and self importance. I also have to say though that there are many amazing and incredibly caring people who live and work in the city too of course.

Reaching out into the academia and traditionalism is so difficult. 

Some People are so lost in the city of Durham who on the outside seem to have it all together. 

At Sanctuary 21 we have tried to counter the traditionalism and academia at every level. It comes in a kind of opposite spirit and attempts to  fly in the face of the academic spirit so starkly that very often it actually disorientates people.

Open arms, love, acceptance, forgiveness, simplicity, hospitality, comfort, friendliness, compassion, community, family, less of a deliberate focus on theology and doctrine and much more of a focus on a relationship with Jesus. These are the things that we try to live by as a community of Christians in a very difficult place.

We have stopped trying to chase relevance, you just can't keep up with that, and just try and meet everyday needs as they crop up. Someone always needs a loving chat, a prayer, a bowl of soup, a cup of coffee, a bit of guidance or advice, a slice of perspective. They need to hear our stories of hope from the heart not theological discourses from the brain. Our prayer walls which is mostly made of prayer requests straight from the streets of the city, is a mosaic of the deepest needs anyone could imagine, literally hundreds of them, and is a factual reminder to us (the church) that life is to short to spend time reasoning things out, its best to act and just roll our sleeves up and step into the need.

I sat the other day with a guy who traveled two hours to just have a chat with someone. He shared with me how he had never had any friends, never had a girlfriend. He shared how his father had locked him up and prevented him from having any friends when he was growing up. He told me how his family had called him useless and lazy and now in his sixties he still believed that he actually is lazy and useless. A whole lifetime of loneliness has developed as a result. I asked him what he had planned for Christmas and he said that no one ever invited him anywhere and he would just be on his own.

No amount of technical Christian jargon or a three year course on whether the Noah story or the parting of the red sea really happened could have helped this guy yesterday.

But Jesus helped him.

Because he was in the middle of that conversation, and in the coffee mug he had in his hand, and in the prayer I prayed for him, and in the arm I put around this lonely mans shoulder, and Jesus meets immediate needs.

His arms are open.

Are ours?

Isolation

You would never believe it but it is snowing again! I feel like I am living in the Antarctica or something! We have already had to dig ourselves out of the house a few times in November and here we are again. The North East of England is officially been taken over by the government of the Arctic, if there is a government in that area!

And it all adds to the feeling of isolation that Dawn and I have had up here since the day we drove over the hill into the village of Sacriston to take up our new appointment in Durham.

It's a strange feeling. There are such lovely people up here, and we have seen some amazing things in our time here,  but Dawn and I just don't feel it is home for us. 

And we long to get back to metropolitan life, we love city life, we operate better there, we always are able to feel at home there. 

So why are we here?

Well I guess we are here to do work for God and the kingdom. 

We know that but it is so hard. So soul destroying, so draining spiritually, in fact I feel like the spiritual fire that was inside me when I first came is disappearing  rapidly and all that is left are very slightly glowing embers as I hold on to the Rock of my Salvation with my fingertips. 

This place has been a spiritual dessert for me. And the harsh realities of the way that the Salvation Army has been ravaged by years of inward actions is right in your face.

Yet in those embers that are just about glowing, in the glowy bits, lies a deep passion, first of all for God and the Kingdom, and secondly for the Salvation Army and it's mission. One thing I really do believe is that there is massive work for the Salvation Army to do. Kingdom work, loving the poor and the broken, the dying, the sick and the needy. 

The Salvation Army may have been ravaged by inward actions, and it's High time we were really honest about that, but there is hope, because Jesus is in the midst of it and wants it to succeed in it's mission and there are so many amazing people in it's ranks who have gifts beyond their understanding and passions deep in our souls that are just bursting to explode onto the mission field. 

There is massive hope in amongst the wilderness.

People close to me say that this wilderness experience will he essential for the future that Dawn and I have, but do you know what? It really doesn't feel like it at the moment, and day after day I struggle to get through this experience. I'm not a village person, I hate tractors, I get sick of looking at fields, and I have no particular feelings towards sheep! 

Yet I have to keep focused that God has a purpose for us being here. I have to keep focused on the fact that we won't be here for ever, and the day is coming soon where I am sure we will back to city life. 

But even though at times I am just clinging to God, holding on to my spiritual life with all my might, I do know that God understands and is around me.

The God of Justice, the God of peace, the God of transformation.

back to the blog

Its been a while since I wrote on my previous blog Night Vision Planet.

For various reasons I haven't been entering posts.

But after loads of people have asked when am I writing my blog again, I have decided the time is right to do that now. So I have created this new blog where I will be writing regularly and sharing my feelings, observations etc on everyday living.

Thanks so much for the encouragement I have received to write, I am so glad you all have done that because I just love to write.

So please check in and stay tuned to www.garylacey.blogspot.com for much much more from this moment on.

Thanks so much

Gaz