Refill

This morning.

Saturday morning.

After a lie in I head up to the church.

Sanctuary.

The house of prayer Dawn and I planted and brought from vision to reality.

Its feels a bit strange for me now I'm not the minister here.

But I see this morning the very reason God brought Dawn and I here to London and enabled us to build this sanctuary here in West Ealing.

I watch a homeless man come in for a warm and some food and drink.

I watch as Dawn sits with him.

I watch as he asks for some help.

I catch his words.

He starts to cry.

Real big tears.

His words reflect how lost and hopeless he is.

I watch as Dawn lovingly comforts him with her kind words and openness.

I watch as she takes decisive action to help him.

I see hope flood into his hopeless eyes.

Pure.

Simple.

Devastatingly effective action.

O man.

My heart leaps at the simple yet majestic love of Jesus flowing through the heart of a human to a desperately needy heart of a man with literally nowhere or no one to turn to.

I am touched.

Deeply.

Refilled.

It's as if God is reminding of my own calling and purpose while I am on this earth.

There are so many.

Who need love.

There are so many who need simple action.

There are so many who need a saviour.

I needed this so badly this morning.

My passion comes flooding back.

So

I don't know where God will take me from this precious moment this morning.

But.

I'm ready.

Are you?

The now

Mornings have always been my favourite time of the day.

This morning is one of those golden mornings.

Temperature below zero.

Completely clear London sky.

A gorgeous red gold sun beaming its spectacular glow on the waking world.

I’ve come into work early today. 6.30 to be precise. It is quiet in the office. The world is stirring outside. Traffic is building, people are stepping out into the day, all with their earphones in and backpacks on, all treading their well-worn paths to school, college, work, wherever.

I have a couple of hours until my work day officially begins at 8.30.

So

I am reflecting on where I am now.

For those who don’t know in the after-shock of my ministry being put on hold I took a job with a funeral company.

It’s been fantastic.

As mad as that sounds.

Obviously as a minister I have conducted many funeral services all over the country. The other thing is in my previous career as a nurse obviously I have dealt with death before. So here I am in the midst of people’s grief and despair every day.

Yesterday I sat with a lady in this very office who just wanted to talk about her mother who had died recently and our company had taken care of the funeral. She was struggling badly with bereavement and kept saying “I wish I could just talk to my mum right now”. I made her a cup of tea and just sat and listened. I was able to encourage her to speak out her grief to open up her emotions and let the tears flow. She shared with me that she had not been able to bring her emotion and grief to the surface in front of her family because she felt she needed to stay strong. I was able to help her to break down that stronghold yesterday.

And

I understood why I am in this job right now.

I am carrying a wealth of pastoral experience into the heart of people’s despair.

And

Although I miss some aspects of looking after the spiritual needs of a church. Even though for now I’ve put speaking on platforms and stages aside for a short period, I understand that this job is the best possible place for me to be right now.

Being in the midst of the darkness of bereavement is truly reigniting my passion to help people, to minister, to be there as a light in this dark world.

People have said to me isn’t it a bit depressing working in funerals.

Listen

It’s far from depressing.

It’s actually an honour.

It’s an opportunity to touch the lives of people who in desperate need.

I know that soon my speaking and writing will return, I am healed now of all the wounds that were inflicted spiritually and emotionally over the last few years. I feel strong, and I feel I am in totally the place where I need to be right now.

So.

I thought I would let you know exactly what I am up to right now.

And.

I want to say thank you to my readers all over the world for your tremendous encouragement to me and I leave this simple message today.

Whatever your circumstance is right now. However deep the trouble seems. However, locked in to a spiritual, mental or physical prisons you are, it can be turned round.

It doesn’t have to be forever.

Blessings on you today guys.

Life Saver

Sitting in the midst of this new world that I am experiencing I feel something that I haven’t felt for a long time.

Calm.

True calm.

In many ways I am sad I had to leave my ministry in the Salvation Army.

But.

I really did have have to.

It definitely didn't feel great at the time, making the decision, planning an exit strategy and then taking the action required for me to leave.

But I had to.

I may have gone mad if I hadn't.

Church politics and extreme unhealthy hierarchical systems have the capacity to kill you.

Spiritually.

Mentally.

And.

Literally.

And.

It almost did in my case.

So.

Here I am. nearly a year since I quit. Feeling calm, feeling rested, feeling good again.

I haven't been to church for around seven months.

It has been blissful to rediscover who I am. Not to mention my relationship with God has risen to new levels without the interference of the church.

It has been an essential part of God's plan for me to take a break from everything church.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says, are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? Come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything ill fitting on you. keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

And.

Through really listening to this word.

I took the action that is required.

I was burned out on religion. Especially the often unhealthy religion that the church can serve up. religion that controls people, damages people and stifles dreams.

So I felt in my case that when God says, "Come to me, get away with me and you will recover your life, that I had to step away from the church altogether for the unforeseen future.

And here I am heading up to a year on that Journey.

I am recovering my life.

I know one day sooner or later that I will step back into the church but things will be different for me.

I will come back sharper, wiser, stronger and way more effective that I have been in the past.

During the time I haven't been to church, i've stepped into a new job that has taken me into the world, the world we as Christians are called to operate in.

I've been able to watch first hand how lost people are but also how near they are to the life changing encounter with Jesus that change everything for anyone. Ive been able to minister day in day out to my work colleagues and many others and I have seen the power of God at work in a new way. Ive walked with God and watched how he does things. Ive been able to connect with God on a new plain, free of the shackles of bland sad religion. Ive seen how there is a hungry world out there. Hungry for a Saviour. I have took a step back and watched how the world needs something way different than what the traditional Church is right now. It needs way more than services. It needs way more that ceremonies. It needs way more than great music or eloquent words. 

I would say it needs love.

And.

In love, I think the world desperately needs the church to stand down from its holier than thou perch and seep its vast resources into a world that needs an embrace. 

Yeah.

Ive learned just how near the kingdom is.

But.

Most of all I have been able to experience the free and light christian life that God promises. Ive been able to engage with God free of boundaries and interference.  I have got up everyday just being able to think about my relationship with God and the world. 

Its been a lifesaver for me.

What I would like to do here is relay this.

If there is anyone out out there burning out on religion. 

Then take a break from Church. 

For a day, a week a month a year whatever. Thats up to you and God.

I really believe that you will recover your life.

Maybe the church needs to recover it's life?

Then.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says, are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? Come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything ill fitting on you. keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

Mice

It's a brave step to take to turn away from something that has been part of your life since birth.

In fact for four generations.

Something that has been your ministry and your life.

But in the Salvation Army for me the restrictions of its system were suffocating.

That's just me.

I know for some the religious restriction put upon officers is comforting and reassuring and gives them security.

Whether you think I am right or wrong, I personally found it impossible to be all that God wants me to be while caught up in the system.

It felt like I had got myself entangled in a roll of barbed wire and was constantly fighting to get loose.

I believe God will break through that system one day.

But for me?

The plane has left the runway and is heading for the open skies.

It's funny how following years of restrictive and misused authority being heaped on you that when you break free it takes time to heal and rebuild.

You keep expecting someone to tell you what to wear or not to mention demons, or not to be a bit weird in your worship!

Or.

Worse.

Much.

Much.

Worse.

But.

I'm heading for the skies.

So.

None of those things will happen again.

Ever.

Praise God.

And the healing is taking place. I'm being fixed so to speak. The broken bits are being welded back in place. A sense of peace is settling nicely. Doors are opening before me to carry my ministry into a new sphere in a new atmosphere, in a new stratosphere even!

And here is the thing.

I once heard a preacher who had taken over three struggling churches and these congregations had been put together to form a new church, two about the moment he heard God speaking about a way forward.

He said these three congregations had never liked each other. They had battled for years. When they were put together a new intensity invade the battles.

The preacher had been abroad at a conference. He had a vision and a dream for his new church but they just wouldn't get on board with the vision he was sharing. He had been praying to God to show him a way to move forward.

While he was in the airport waiting to fly back to the UK, an announcement was given that his flight had been cancelled. He found out later that the plane that was to take them home had been infested with mice in the old. They had been chewing wiring and lots of other things.

He was despatched to a hotel and told his flight would leave the next day.

In the morning when he arrived at the airport he discovered that they had tried to fumigate the hold of the plane, but the mice persisted. So the only way they could destroy the mice was to take the plane up into skies where at a certain altitude the mice would die off.

And.

As he thought about that he felt the Lord speaking.

He knew that in terms of his vision he had tried fumigating the people by trying to resolve matters pastorally but the mice wouldn't go away! So he knew there and then that God was encouraging him to take his vision down the runway. In other words just do it. When the vision would reach a certain altitude spiritually the mice would either be changed or die off!

In two years his congregation grew from right people to two thousand.

And.

That is exactly how I have done things.

The mice are still chewing away as I take the visions and dreams God has laid on my life down the runway but they are getting fewer by the day.

Don't be held back by a sence of duty or any of those crazy concepts they will be mice. Don't stay entangled in that painful barbed wire that your life might be tangled up in, take your dreams down the runway and head for the skies.

The only one who can make that decision is you.

But.

Here is the truth that some people and the enemy will not want you to believe.

God will be with you whatever you decide, he will not abandon you.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery! (Galations 5:1)

Stand up and claim your freedom.

One life to live.

Three swallows

6.30 am
The peacefulness of the garden is so awesome it is almost indescribable.
My eyes catch a threesome of swallows darting about in the clear blue morning sky, a sky illuminated by the brilliance of the freshly risen sun.
The depth of the silence only enhances the beauty of the bird songs that resonate all around me.
The swallows.
Flying free.
I suddenly crave that kind of freedom.
To fly free. To have the space to fly in, to have the freedom to fly where the Spirit leads, to move unhindered.
And.
I hear a voice saying this is the first moment of the rest of your life.
Over the last four years of my ministry as a Salvation Army Officer I've known nothing but chaos.
The kind of chaos only the sad side of religion creates.
Created by people who want to further their careers usually at the expense of the kingdom.
I've lived in a world of control beyond belief. That's my view of Salvation Army officership. And I stress that is my view only.
And.
I woke up one morning and thought enough is enough.
Living in world controlled by others is not what I believe God wants for anyone never mind just me.
I could say so much about this control but I know there are lots of people who know what I am talking about here.
Control stifles the creativeness that could create a very different Army for today.
And.
That's where I found it impossible to flourish as an officer.
And for those who will write to me and say "But you knew what you were getting into?" Yes I did, but I had no idea how bad the control was.
I found myself spiralling downwards a bit like Jonah towards rock bottom.
But.
Just like the whale took Jonah in for a few days, so the Spirit of God has taken me in.
And.
I feel he is ready to spit me out into a new life, a new mission and a new vision of building his kingdom.
So.
Here I am watching three swallows fly free.
And with a glory dropped right from Heaven, I  sense t:his is the first day of the rest of my life.
I'm reminded of that great verse in the message bible that says, "Create a genesis day out of the chaos of my life.
And.
This morning?
I choose to fly free.
The world is my oyster.
I am ready for what God is leading me to.
Whatever that is.
And that freedom to create a fresh church that will advance the kingdom in mind blowing fashion will only come when God is spiritually in control.
Not man.
Blessings.

Rise and Fall (An update)

I seem to be in a season of rise and fall.

My hopes rise then fall just as quickly.

I am job hunting.

Looking for work to back up my teaching ministry which is really developing nicely with a number of speaking engagements in the diary from September onwards.

You think you are in with a chance of a job then bang it's a no.

But overall I am making the transition out of officership really well.

I feel a bit liberated really. I don't mean that in a contentious way, but It feels nice to be free of religious politics right now.

I'm becoming more myself again.

Not before time.

I am also starting to write a book that's been on my heart for a while.

So watch this space.

In this season of rise and fall I need not panic. And I'm not for once.

I feel that God is kind of in the midst of all that just walking me through it. And I feel confident he will lead me to the right job.

I know he is leading me towards my home City of Liverpool and the Wirral in particular, so that's where my search for work is concentrated just now.

So for anyone in a similar situation right now I urge you to trust God fully.

And.

This morning I was reminded through this scripture that God is in advance of us so we needn't fear going forward.

Ephesians 2 :10

For we are God's handiwork. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works., which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Blessings and spare a prayer for me to get a job!!!!

Thanks

Life beyond what you are stuck in

It is a cool summers evening.

I am sitting on my raised patio in my back garden in London. Jake my puppy is stretched out beside me asleep.

Man it is quiet.

All I can hear is a feint breeze and the constant drone of city traffic in the distance.

I sit here tonight on the other side of my lifetime in the Salvation Army.

For the first time in years I feel peaceful.
I left because I was treated badly one too many times. I couldn’t really see any change ahead for the SA either, although remember that is just my opinion.

So I just decided.

To leave all that behind.

And.

Its peaceful.

Before me lies a new panorama.

Yes I have speaking engagements in the diary but I am going to have to find work. Some people may be scared by that. But I am just peaceful.

There lies a lot of hard work ahead.

And I haven’t felt that excited for a long time.

A whole new world awaits ahead of me.

This really is a step of faith.

And I realise that this is where you find out about your faith.

Thankfully my faith in God somehow feels much stronger.

I know he is going on ahead of me.

There was a time when somehow I had got myself so entrenched in the Salvation Army that I sometimes forgot about God and I also began to believe there wasn’t a life beyond the SA.

But.

There is.

There really is.

And.

My eyes are back on God.

I am loving the fact that I just know he will take care of me.

I’m thinking tonight of a few verses from Isaiah that talk about God going before you clearing massive obstacles out of the (Isaiah 45:1-3)

And I want to encourage anyone who needs to make a change in their lives.

Don’t be afraid.

There is a life outside whatever your stuck in.

Keep the faith.

Resignation Statement

Today I resigned as a Salvation Army Officer.

I resign to take up a new direction as a freelance speaker/writer.

I wish to thank the Salvation Army for all it has given me and meant to me over the years. I pray blessing on its future ministry.

I wish to thank the many people who have encouraged me and helped to shape me as a human being.

Dawn remains as an officer and we will remain based in London.

I am now available for bookings for prayer seminars/teaching and would welcome enquiries on

Email: gaz.lacey@gmail.com
Phone: 07462544414 (Business mobile)

Thank you.

Red

Red.

It's my absolute favourite colour.

My football team plays in it.

The wallpapers on my personal and workphones are both red.

I really used to like to paint the town red back in the day!

I'd have my house painted red if I could!

Hey I would dye my head red if I was braver.

Seems like this is a bit random.

But.

I am sitting at my office desk trying to look busy while really I don't feel any motivation to work. On my white glass desk at work I am staring at two items.

A red stapler.

And.

A  pair of bright red office scissors.

The colour grabs me.

And my mind flashes back to Liverpool Boiler Room at Strawberry Fields. My friend and amazingly gifted, anointed and blessed artist supreme Mr Paul Fleming and I were discussing what colour we should paint the main space at Strawbs. I wanted just plain white. Paul was leaning towards red. He said it would represent the blood of Jesus. I left him to it. I was Hoping he would just white wash it completely. I got back the next day and one wall is red! I kindly used my face to voice my displeasure. Even though I like red. White was cooler to me in that room. So Paul being the fabulous human being he really is decided to cover the red up with strips of white wallpaper. The room then looked. Well. White. A week later an amazing lady called Debra Green was speaking at a gathering at the Boiler Room organised by a group of amazing praying people called CWM led by another amazing lady called Sue Sinclair based in Liverpool. During an incredible wave of the Spirit, people were up prophesying. One lady. Got up and spoke of her worry that the church were watering down the Gospel in some places. She said we should never hide the blood of Jesus. The red blood of Jesus. She then went as far (Not knowing the whole decorating fiasco) to say, 'the Church was in danger of whitewashing over his blood!'

I.

Dropped.

My.

Head.

I thought about how I had even without thinking just put my own decorating preferences before Paul's idea of a wall symbolising the blood that was shed for me and you. The very minute the meeting finished. I ripped off every scrap of the white wallpaper to expose the beautiful red wall. I had been zapped with a very special message from God that day that I have tried to carry into my ministry.

Never hide the blood of Christ.

Never smooth it over.

Never cover it.

There is power in the blood.

The red blood of Christ is the standard of victory. 

Blood that changed everything for mankind.

The blood that speaks a very real hope to this world.

The blood that flowed from the centrepoint of the gospel.

The cross.

This truth needs to be spoken over the generations.

So.

We need to keep the truth out there.

Hey.

Lets not whitewash it.

Or paper it over.

But speak it, live it, carry it, pass it on to the next generation.

indecision

The countryside is flashing by the semi panoramic window of the trans Pennine express train to Edinburgh.
And.
I am easily drawn into a clarity of thought.
Times are changing for me.
A new season dawns.
I have fresh optimism.
Fresh forward vision.
Fresh hope.
It feels like I am standing on the precipice of something approaching destiny proportions.
It feels liberating.
As the amazingness of the countryside that adorns the lake district through the train window plays out its breathtaking scenes I wallow in the freedom that decision making brings.
It feels like I have been on a roundabout of indecision for such a long time.
But recently I have made a serious life decision that will be revealed in the coming month or so.
Indecision is a bad thing.
It has battered me, worn me down, worn me out, frustrated me, fed me false convictions, convinced me I am useless, poured guilt into my mind like scalding oil, left me ruing missed opportunities, and virtually immobilised my life.
Indecision is a bad thing as far as I can see.
Making a decision is like turning a key to freedom.
So
Why do I write this today?
I want to encourage anyone who is on that same cycle of indecision today.
Get off the roundabout.
Choose freedom.
Choose a new life.
Don't let indecision mess with your head any longer.
Make the change.
Take the plunge.
Pack up your old life.
Leave behind those things that you need to get rid of.
Walk forward.
And don't look back

Switch

Espresso.

Straight.

Black.

Extra hot.

An hour to myself.

My quest to read every James Bond novel begun.

Thunderball.

The first of many.

Pretty much bliss.

After about 45 minutes. I power my Nexus 6 down and look around Costa in Ealing Broadway.

Life is happening.

Over the last couple of years mine doesn't feel much like it has.

I allow my mind to examine that time.

Especially my relationship with God.

Its pretty much been running on the dregs of the passion that fuelled it a few years back.

I feel like I've arrived at a fork in the road.

And.

As I reflected.

Right there in Costa Ealing Broadway London.

I heard from God.

Clearly.

But what I heard maybe wasn't what I expected.

In my head and my heart I heard this.

"Your history will not be your future . "

At the fork in the road My head was telling me to carry on the left fork. My heart was telling me to switch.

Switch.

Now there is a word.

Switching means taking a road I maybe wouldn't choose.

I felt in my spirit the left fork was a comfortable road. One that housed familiarity. One that had road signs saying "same old, same old."

Bland Salvationism has helped me to feel comfortable on that road. And I had a bit of a realisation that for some reason primitive and hereditary Salvationism has been surfacing more and more. 

I've gotta say guys.

I think that is a big mistake.

Beware.

It may feel good.

But I think going backwards is a road to oblivion.

I've wrestled with that.

And.

In terms of the Salvation Army I am losing.

And suddenly things made sense.

Bland traditionalism. Not spiritual tradition but bland SA tradition I will never be able to do.

Never.

That's a road that has been leading to an eventual dead end.

And I realised what carrying on down the left fork would mean.

It would mean the adventurous spirit that God gave me would be sucked out of me. 

Its nearly gone now.

And.

I miss my adventurous spirit.

I really genuinely felt a bit of peace.

For all the months of feeling depressed and downtrodden I've not really been able to put my finger on why.

But.

I think I know why.

I think I lost my adventurous and my risky side.

To be honest.

I'm useless to the SA without that.

A switch is needed.

I have to head down the right fork.

A road where I'm not sure what's down there.

That?

Brings?

Adventure.

My history can't be my future.

So I take the first step on a new journey.

No idea where it will take me.

Yet i know I just can't go backwards.

That is such a relief.

And I thought about my denomination.

I don't think it can go back either.

I really don't think it's history can be it's future.

It needs a desperate switch.

But that's for others to work out and test.

And hey there will be those who think I am wrong.

Whatever.

But for me?

I'm switching roads.

Taking the right fork.

I fired up my phone.

Pressed the play books app.

Feeling more encouraged than I have been lately.

I soon lost myself again in the thrilling text Thunderball.