A word: Don't delay do the work.

So Richard comes up to me and says, "Can I have a private word?"

He had come up to me in the final hour of our ministry in Sanctuary 21. The place was awash with people wanting to say goodbye. A nice little table of food had been laid out by some of the best volunteers I have ever seen. It was busy, noisy and laden with emotion. 

But I was coping well.

Until.

Richard asked me for the private word!

I took him to one of the prayer rooms. 

We sat next to each other on the worn black leather sofa. 

Richard, my blog readers will know was homeless when we first met him on the streets of Durham. That first time he was drunk, cold and generally in dreadful condition in every way you could think of. He came back to our Church and came back every day since. I have been on an incredible journey with this guy. He has taught me so much. So many stories I could share with you I could probably write a book.

As our time at S21 came closer to concluding, thoughts began to surface in my head about how successful or not we had been missionally. 

How do you measure that? 

So I'm sitting on an old sofa in a prayer room with an alcoholic former homeless guy wanting to speak with me.

This is what he said. 

"I wanted to write this down, but for one reason or another didn't get chance."

Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. 

"I'm going to miss you and Dawn. This place has saved my life. Thanks Gaz. Thanks mate for caring about me. No one ever helped me like this place has."

We shook hands. We went back into the buzz of the crowd upstairs. 

Those thoughts, those doubts in my head about what measures the success of mission all but faded. 

How do you measure the success of mission?

I think Richard said it all. 

You can't really measure it by text books on mission, conferences on mission, mission development plans, degrees in mission, DVDs on mission etc etc etc.

The only way?

Is?

The Kingdom. 

The values that only the Kingdom of God can bring which are hallmarked by love, compassion and acceptance of the whatever and whosoever. 

"This place saved my life."

I knew what Richard meant. Ultimately God is saving Richard. But the place in which he found God was teaming with people who placed way more value on Love, compassion and acceptance and then got on with the work than complex mission plans or endless conferences and meetings about mission. 

I completed my Masters degree in mission a few years back. I could have saved myself some effort and just sat with Richard! He taught me more than any eminent lecturer ever did. 

When we were seeking God whether to plant S21 in Durham or not God gave Dawn and I a scripture. 

Consider now for The Lord has chosen you to build a house as the Sanctuary. Be strong and do the work. (1 Chronicles 28: 10)

Reflecting on my time planting S21 I can see what God means.

We need to get on with the work. 

So many millions around the globe need a Sanctuary. 

Not just a building.

But the sanctuary that is the open hearts of those who would serve the poor and the marginalized, the rejected, the despised, those who don't fit in, or rather aren't allowed to fit in, the sick, the homeless, the broken hearted, those who are so lost it is almost unbelievable. 

The Spirit of God says right now stop setting up your endless meetings, plans and all those other procrastinations. Be strong and do the work. Yeah, do the work! Open your Citadels and your Church doors, yeah, but way more than that? Open up your whole being and lavish the ingredients of the kingdom, love acceptance and compassion on those who need a saviour. Turn your full attention to the deep needs of the society we live in. Don't put it off any longer. Listen to the heart of God on this one. There are lives that literally can be saved. There are voices long silenced that can be unsilenced. There are hearts of stone that can be turned soft. There are people with nothing who through open arms can gain everything. There is a world that can be changed through the most powerful love of a saviour. Put aside those pointless things that you do and step on to the highway of the saints and march into the lives of the poor needy souls that are strewn across this planet. 

Consider now for The Lord has chosen you to build a house as the Sanctuary. Be strong and do the work. (1 Chronicles 28: 10)

That?

Maybe says it all. 

Cry from the street

Saying goodbye has a zillion emotions attached to it.

And.

Goodbye?

Brings closure.

Goodbye?

Brings futuristic opportunity.

This week I have to say goodbye to lots of people.  

I'm not good at goodbyes!

The very last week of our five year adventure in the North East of England is about to begin. 

Next Sunday, a big door closes.

A week or so after that,  another big door opens. 

A door which opens as we start with a 287 mile drive to our new home in London.

To a new chapter

To a new slice of vision. 

On the same mission.

I sat in Church this morning, just watching.

Albert's there.

20 years sleeping on the streets of Durham. Ragged, dirty, hungry. He gives me the thumbs up. A nicotine stained, dirt-caked thumb. The fact that he's even at church sends a current of emotion straight through my body. 

Richard stands while some songs are being sung. He has a pile of toast that one of our volunteers has lovingly made for him. He never sings a word. But comes without fail every day, even Sundays.  

There are loads of others. 

I thank God for giving me the honour of sitting at the banquet table with the deeply needy. 

It's changed me.

Forever. 

Because I've encountered Jesus truly.

Steven gets up and says he wants to say a few words.

Steven is a deeply troubled homeless alcoholic. He has been dabbling in dark stuff that has seen his life spiral away from him. He walks the precipice of death daily. He's 30.  He comes to S21 every day. I've sat for hours with him over the last few years reasoning with him, sometimes holding him upright. Sometimes sitting while his tears have spilt relentlessly onto our carpet. Abandoned by his family, abandoned in many ways by society.  Desperate to be free of his addiction. We've fed him, clothed him, prayed with him, prayed for him, befriended him. Loved him with the love of a saviour. 

He doesn't say much.

But this morning he took the microphone.

This is what he said.

"I'm going to miss Dawn and Gary so much. I just want to say thank you to them. They are my family now. This place has saved my life. People like me would have nowhere. Thank you."

He set the mic down on the table. 

He sat back down and looked downwards towards the floor. 

I had to speak.

Needless to say it was a struggle for me to get the words out. 

"My family."

Those two words leapt into my spirit.

My family. 

There are so many people who could do with a family. 

And that's us. 

Church. 

The Salvation Army are doing a vital piece of research and are taking a serious look at ourselves in the UK under the title of Fit for mission. 

A good thing. I think it will be blessed. 

Are we fit for mission?

Depends I guess on many things.

I guess there maybe a deeper question, it may even being dealt with I'm not sure. 

It is this. 

Are we fit for acceptance?

Are we totally ready to be accepting of everyone?

Yeah.

Everyone?

Are we ready in our mission to welcome the marginalized, the dirty, the disheveled, the desperately lost?

Are we willing to lay everything down to allow everyone to sit at the banqueting table with us who claim to follow Jesus. 

Can we give up our criteria for who fits in or not?

Are we ready to step into the dark worlds of people far from justice and rescue them with a courage that will sustain us in our daring attempts to save people from unholiness?

That's what I would do to save my wife and daughters if they were in trouble. 

That's what God is doing in the forever.  

That's what families should be about. 

Bravery

Acceptance. 

Love. 

Compassion.

Are we fit for acceptance?

We'd better be.

Because the lost are coming. 

They are coming our way. 

They will be coming to us in search of a family. 

In search of open arms. 

In search of help. 

In desperate hope of rescue. 

Steven has shared with me he has been turned away from some churches. I won't go into details. 

Lord bless those people with a change of heart please. 

Steven needs a family. A community. A Saviour. 

Millions are in the same boat. I've been in the same boat. 

They are coming to a church near you.

Right now. 

Are we fit for acceptance?

I pray we forever will be. 

 

Unimaginable love

It's my wedding anniversary today. 

I temporarily forgot.

But I managed to redeem myself quickly!

But today I've been married for fifteen years.

It's been the most earth shatteringly brilliant fifteen years.  

Life changing in fact. 

Dawn and I have journeyed through a whole range of life events from the darkest moments to the richest of moments. 

Ups and downs.

Mostly ups. 

Dawns been there for me in my darkest hours. 

I don't think I could love her any more than I do.

She is simply astonishing. 

I know I've drove her mad sometimes! I know she's probably wanted to scream at me occasionally! But she loves me no matter what. She tells me that every day. 

Thinking about it this morning, love has won the day in our marriage. It's sustained us through thick and thin. The day we got married, we overheard someone at the reception saying to a friend, "I give them six months." 

Well, here we are fifteen years later. 

Stronger.

More in love.

Inseparable.

I relate it today to my relationship with God. 

Through the highs and lows of our life-trek, whatever happens, wherever we are, however we live, whatever we do, God loves us anyway. He sticks with us. We cannot get away from his love. 

His love is life. 

His love is a certainty.

We can choose not to recognize His love if we want, but that will never change how God feels about us. 

Never. 

Both Dawn and I have invested everything into our friendship and our marriage. The key has been love. Intense love. 

I can't wait for the next fifteen years.  

Yet.

Gods love is stronger than even that. 

His love is of an intensity that we will never fathom until we see him face to face. 

And I believe today there is someone reading this who simply needs to be reminded that God totally and utterly loves you. No matter what you've done, whatever you feel right now.   

And.

Whatever anyone else thinks.

The truth is. 

God loves you. 

You cannot escape from that. 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)

Fifteen years of being married to the most amazing woman I've known has taught me about love. 

And.

Because of that I've glimpsed the unimaginable love that God has for every single person that ever lived. 

That unimaginable love will sustain us through the whatever's of life both on Earth and in Heaven. 

Blessings. 

Prayer for a better me

I want to be better than I am now.

In every way.

I've come so far in the last fifteen years. 

I'm hardly the man I was.  

But.

I want to be better.

Lord. 

Continue your work of transformation in my life. 

Thank you for bringing me from the ashes of a destructive life. Thank you I'm not where I used to be.

But.

I want more. 

I want to be as loving as is possible. 

To you.

My family.

My friends.

I want to learn how to not slip backwards so much even though the slips are getting less dramatic nowadays. 

I want to be more open.

I long to be even less religious if you know what I mean, and more in love with you Jesus.

I want to reach out to even more people. I want to touch lives with your majesty and your humility all at the same time. I want to be different, even more different than I've become. I want to speak up for you in even more amazing places than you have sent me so far. Not just the event stage or in front of a congregation, but on the sofa, in the back city street, in the broken home, in the hospital, in the prison, in the night, in the day. 

I want to spend even less time worrying and talking about the Salvation Army, the church and all that jazz and just enjoy my relationship with you God. The Army is something I can't control.  

Talking of control, I want to control nothing because you're in control.

I want to be better than I am now. 

So.

Make a better me. 

I leave my life in your hands.

Amen.

Post Script

I prayed this prayer while lying on my sofa tonight just watching TV. I felt an overwhelming impulse to share it on my blog. I don't know why. It's hardly groundbreaking stuff. It even probably appears a bit random. But when I feel those strong convictions, I just do it. So for whoever or whatever  it is here for, I pray you'll be blessed. 

Gaz

The Rattling

Bono once said this in an interview. 

"Stop asking God to bless what we do and instead find out what God is doing because that is already blessed."

That's the language of the Missio Dei.

It's a kind of clue to where Jesus really is working in the world today. 

Last week I sat down for a chat with one of our former homeless people who we managed to get housed, and is doing really well now. At one stage he was so desperate for a home, but praise God he now has one. He was so desperate for a family, he now has one. He was was so desperate for a saviour, he always had one. He just didn't know it. As we were talking, he was a bit fretful because Dawn and I are leaving to move to London. I put his mind at rest by talking up the new guys coming to take over from Dawn and I and reassuring him that he would be well looked after. We got around to reminiscing about a little procedure that we put in place a long time ago, especially relating to some debt he had on a service charge at the place we have managed to get him into. I was so tempted to just pay it for him, but I felt in my spirit that he needed to do it. Someone had given him one of those ultra cheesy WWJD bracelets and he never took it off. He was seriously worried about this money he owed and knew if he built up any more debt he would be kicked out of the room he lives in.  His trouble was that alcohol, and paying the service charge, were constantly battling, and the alcohol was winning every time. So, as we were talking this particular time, and just as I was about to give in to my soft side and sort it for him, my eye caught a glimpse of his WWJD bracelet. So I asked him to look at it. I asked him what it meant. He replied, "What would Jesus do? So I asked him what do you think Jesus would do in is situation Mate? He relied, "Do the right thing."

And.

Miraculously. 

In the simplicity of that moment.

Something shifted. 

He managed to pay off his service charge. 

Somehow. 

It took a while, but every time I met him, I began to ask him what would Jesus do? He would always reply, "Do the right thing."

To this day this little spiritual mechanism has helped this guy to move forward in many areas of his life. 

When thinking about this?

I guess the relationship I built with this guy connected with the work Jesus was doing and still is doing in this guys life. Just as he is working in my own life. And every body else's life for that matter. 

Bono's words seemed wise. 

"Stop asking God to bless what we do, and instead find out what God is doing because that is already blessed."

My heart led me to Ezekiel 37.

The valley of the dry bones. 

And I have been reflecting on our five years here in Durham.

I guess I'm bound to seeing as I'm leaving. 

I pictured the almost derelict hall in Saddler Street Durham. I gazed into the first week at Sacriston, a Corps that had been told it was about to close but had won a reprieve. I pictured the hall that looked like a lavish memorial to Salvationism. A memorial that was unwelcoming and had absolutely no chance of connecting with the world. I saw the small group of bedraggled people sitting in the hall that first Sunday. They'd been whittled down to just a few through years of decline. I could feel the vibes coming off them thinking "Who are these officers? They must have done something wrong to be sent here? I pictured the plants growing out of the gutters on the outside shouting out to people on the street "There's no one at home!" Dawn and I both cried when we saw it.

But.

What we saw was the valley of dry bones. 

We knew from attempting to plant a church in Liverpool that there were some facts that we had to understand.

Fact 1: The hard sell evangelistic approach to spreading the word, is dead.

Fact 2: You can't put new wine in an old skin. (Oh and that's biblical!)

Fact 3: Deep change, not incremental change, has to happen for the Salvation Army to move forward and I'm talking spiritually. 

Fact 4: love, and loving people is the main thing. 

Fact 5: Seriously building relationships with the whosoever is essential.

Fact 5: Acceptance, love and compassion are needed.

Fact 5: Jesus is already working in the lives of ourselves and others. 

So, here we were in our first days in Durham faced with a demoralised tiny congregation at Sacriston. A rapidly deteriorating hall complete with damp and mice. At Durham we were asked to look at a derelict hall in a seriously austere city dominated by a thousand years of  traditionalism regarding the church, oh and a bit of damp and not mice but rats!

It was a valley of dry bones. 

A dead place. 

We were a bit overwhelmed and even though we were armed with a serious vision to build a house of prayer? A brand new Salvation Army Corps on one hand and revive a dying Corps on the other? The strange little voices screamed in our heads, "No chance guys." 

But. 

The one thing that we understood was that Jesus was already at work. 

So whatever death was knocking about. 

He is the life giver. 

So the first thing we did is pray. 

The second thing we did from the bedrock of prayer, was set about trying to find out where Jesus was. And of course he was busy knocking on the door of people's lives. So we followed suit. 

And eventually we heard a rattling sound. 

The homeless guy, asking himself the little question, "What would Jesus do?" And then responding to himself, "Do the right thing!" That's the rattling sound of life being breathed into the spiritually dead. 

I guess Jesus doesn't care too much for maintaining a tradition. 

He really doesn't. (He spends half the New Testament trying to smash them!)

He doesn't care for strategies and structures.

He really doesn't. 

He doesn't care which version of the bible we prefer.

He really doesn't.

There is so much he must get frustrated with. 

But that's us sometimes, we like to create the perfect church don't we? 

But. 

I believe he cares about us. 

He cares about using us to reach others.

I believe he cares about every life.  

I believe he is working in the human race.

To save it. 

From sin, from itself, and from missing out on the wonder of his friendship. 

To breathe life into this world. 

And I've glimpsed that life.

As we draw to a close of our ministry at Sanctuary 21, a place where Dawn and I have been involved in from scratch. We would want to give God all the glory. 

All we've done is work hard to try to find out and be where God is and try to be his open arms to the whosoever. 

And there is life now in Sacriston and Durham. Many people at Durham have been drawn to that life. Sacriston has a completely new congregation that is growing and spiritually vibrant. 

An Army has risen from the ashes of decline. 

And I can safely say we've found him in the lives of the lost and the broken. In the streets, in the dark doorways, in the broken down Salvation Army Corps, in the derelict building, in the demoralised group of Salvationists, sitting with the Alcoholics and the drug addicts, the homeless, the lonely, in the lifelessness of the lost. 

Anyone who doubts that God can bring hope from lifelessness, well I can testify he is on the worlds case, he's on your case too! He's on mine!

Open your ears, open your heart. 

You will hear the rattling.

The life that will give rise to a mighty Army. 

So.

In the words of Bono.

""Stop asking God to bless what we do and instead find out what God is doing because that is already blessed."

Blessings guys. 

Dangerous

So I heard this group of guys singing in the City Square this morning an old sounding song that seemed to be called  "My Lord what a morning."

And that just about sums up how I feel about my morning at work today.

Sanctuary 21 was full of homeless guys and gang members this morning, one of those mornings where virtually the whole criminal community of Durham seemed to be gathered all at once!

At the same time some police came for a break.

Also at the same time our team of city homeless workers gathered for a quick meeting. 

The air was thick with tension. 

Welcome to the Salvation Army. 

A far cry from the pomp and ceremony. A million miles away from pristine uniforms and shiny shoes. Not a tambourine in sight, not a flag waving anywhere. 

Not literally anyway. 

This morning? 

All of that Salvationism stuff seemed quite appealing to me. You can get lost in it. 

But.

Then?

I looked over the scene in our building this morning.

One guy was so far gone on drugs his face ended up in his soup. Another guy had already been asked to leave the City today but was defiantly sitting on our sofa. Another girl was slugging wine from a bottle wrapped in a Tesco bag. I had to tell her that wasn't allowed in our building. She was not pleased. Another guy looked intimidating and dangerous and had been released from prison just this morning. Another girl had just had to say goodbye to her baby as she went into care and was in tears. It was all a but overwhelming really. There was tension in the air. You could feel it.

Then a guy who ill call J wanted a word with me.

I spoke with him. 

J has recently been released from prison too. I know because I had to be a witness in his trial. I felt a bit uneasy as we went to a quiet spot in the building. He looked at me and I could see in his eyes the desperate cry that I see everyday behind the hardness and bravado that these guys so often wear. He said "Gaz, I want to say sorry for doing what I did. Am I still allowed in here?" Then some tears appeared, but wouldn't roll down his face, I thought to myself how even his tears find it hard to come out. Then he said how prison had helped him come off alcohol for now. The homeless team had found him accommodation, I had got him a full set of clothes, and a food voucher to get him started. So after I had reassured him that of course I forgive him for the stuff he did outside our prayer centre and that of course he was welcome here, I spent the remainder of the conversation trying to reiterate to him that this was a chance. A chance to rebuild a shattered life. J is a former gangster who has fell from that scene due to his persistent alcoholism and drug addiction, he has a record as long as your arm, he has nobody who loves him or nobody he can love. He probably wouldn't know how anyway. He has a shocking listlessness about him that shouts out at anyone who cares to look or listen, "I have no hope." 

And then?

In those struggling eyes that so wanted to cry, I saw hope. I saw a human. I saw Jesus.

And.

For all the danger of mission, for all the tension, for all the spiritual fighting that can wear you down to almost nothing, for all the critical situations including life and death that we find ourselves in when mixing with people like this? For all the criticism our project and Dawn and I personally get so often from some people within our own denomination? I'm reminded that this is the Salvation Army.

This is it.

What i think we are called to.

Who I guess we are. 

Sometimes operating on the dangerous side of mission. 

Someone said to me the other day, "I've hidden in the regal side of Salvationism way too much in my lifetime." I didn't know what he really meant. I think I do today. I think I did that for a large part of my life in the Salvation Army, not that there is anything wrong with the regal side, the glitz and the glamour of the congresses and the brilliant artistry showcased so often by our gifted people. The relentless trudge to the meeting on a Sunday. No there's nothing wrong with that, thank God we have such things and people. But praise God he's also calling people to the dangerous side of mission, to the mission field where the battle is sometimes so intense. Where the hurting and the dying stare at you with longing eyes, where their outstretched arms reach up to us and ask us to rescue them. Where there is blood spilt, where there is filth lurking, where there is the most need. 

I told J God loves him.  

We wrapped up our little talk. 

He went back and sat with his mates, they had been waiting for him and had decided to go down to the river for a drink. J went with them, no doubt he will be drunk later on. 

That's the frustrating side of mission too. 

Nevertheless. 

For the Js of this world? For the brokenness of this world? We are the Salvation Army, we are the Church. 

And God says my Salvation is for everybody. 

And he means everybody, every living, breathing person ever. 

So don't get caught up in the ever burning fight to find out who the Salvation Army are.

Be the Salvation Army.

Be the Church. 

Be the amazing person God created you to be. 

Blessings. 

Get up and get dressed!

Another Sunday. 

The sixth to last sunday at Sanctuary 21 before Dawn and I move to London. 

A Sunday where I was down to preach three times in the day. 

After a fantastic early breakfast in a city cafe, I walked up to Sanctuary 21. While walking through the city my mind was reflecting own our move to London.  We have seen God do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine in the last five years. We have had a brilliant time and we are leaving the most incredible people behind. 

I began to feel a bit of a strange flutter deep in my abdomen. 

The flutter was a panicky kind of feeling. 

Then the "what if" brigade marched into my head from nowhere.  

"What if we never experience the kind of growth we have seen ever again? What if the new division don't take to us? What if the people don't like us? What if we don't get the incredible favour we have had heaped upon our ministry in the North East?"

What if?

What if?

What if?

As We got to the door of Sanctuary 21 and scooped my bunch of keys out of my pocket, I was feeling a bit scared, a bit uncertain and a bit fragile to be honest. 

As We opened the door, Dawn picked up a piece of paper that had been posted through our letter box and had landed on the floor. She took it upstairs. 

Funnily enough, God had kind of given me a word to communicate to three different congregations that day. 

It sorted the "what if" brigade right out. 

It was the call of Jeremiah. Jeremiah 1: 4-19

I was taken by verse 17.

"But you, up on your feet and get dressed for work! Stand up and say your piece. Say exactly what I tell you to say. Don't pull any punches or I will pull you out of the line up." (Message)

Jeremiah had been called as a prophet to the nations, he was a bit reluctant, a bit scared and a bit fragile. In response to the call, Jeremiah had said this to God. "Alas sovereign Lord, I do not know how to speak; I am too young."

Sounds like the what if brigade had marched into Jeremiah's head too. So he brings out the excuses to why he shouldn't be a prophet to the nations. 

God tells him to get up on his feet and get to work!

In our journey as Salvation Army officers, Dawn and I have had to plant two prayer centres from scratch. We've seen God build both places in Liverpool and now Durham in breathtaking fashion. 

But. 

Here we are faced with being appointed West London development officers.

Development?

That may mean starting from scratch again. 

As I got my coffee before the meeting at S21 started on Sunday, the "what if" brigade had me convinced for a second or two that Dawn and I were inadequate for this new task, we couldn't possibly build or develop anything new for a third time. 

Until.

As I quickly read the scripture in my office as I prepared myself to speak that morning, the words in verse 17 hit me like an Exocet. 

"Get up and get dressed for work!"

I pictured the need that we have ministered into and tried to picture the gigantic need that will be in a city as massive as London. And I had a sense that I knew God was speaking to me. 

"Get up and get dressed for work. Despite how you feel, I will put my words in your mouth and I will rescue you. Go to them and say whatever I command you to say."

A new level of courage swept into my body. 

Then as I emerged into the main worship hall at S21 Dawn passed me the piece of paper that she had picked up earlier. 

It was a picture of someone's brain scan. 

We get prayer requests posted through our doors all the time, and this one was a heart cry from a mother for her daughter. 

Written on it was a simple sentence. 

"Please pray for my daughter, this is her brain scan, she has a large tumour and they can't remove it. Please pray. Please."

We prayed hard that morning for this situation.

But. 

There was another reason that the request was important.

For me. 

I was so touched by it. 

It was the fact that I think God was reminding me why he laid the vision he has given to Dawn and I and the reason he was telling me to get up and get dressed for work. And an overwhelming sense of something even more incredible than we have seen so far was going to materialise in London. 

It reminded me of the desperate need that is in our world. And we are the response to that need. 

All of us. 

Whatever God calls us to or envisions us to carry out, do not let the "what if" brigade, a renegade band of hapless thoughts, penetrate your mind and ultimately your soul because there is so much Work to do. So many bleeding hearts to touch, so many tortured souls to set free. 

And we are it.

We are The ones called to join Jesus Christ in his saving work in this world. 

So if you are doubting who you are in Christ, or doubting your calling or questioning your visions and dreams? 

Here's the word.

"But you, get up and get dressed for work!"

Massive blessings. 

Stepping into the unknown

The rain dropped heavily from the green-grey sky over Durham City this morning. It was bouncing off the slick pavements with considerable force. 

No wonder the city is almost deserted this morning.

Looking over the unusually quiet streets has had me reminiscing about the last five years here in Durham.  

Our time here in this city is almost done. Just six or so more weeks. Then we head to London to a new appointment that we are quite nervous about, although the nervousness is laced with anticipation. 

We have had a delightful battle here in the North East. 

It's been a life shaping time for both Dawn and I.

I've learned what it really means to sit with people who are marginalised, broken, seeking, and in some cases purely and squarely outcast. 

I'm about to find out what it will feel like to have to leave those closely formed relationships behind. 

We don't know what the new appointment holds for us yet. We will meet with the new bosses in London next week to find out more. 

The last two appointments we have had, we knew exactly what the task was and we had to convince decision makers that the vision we have was right for the time and for them too. 

So far the vision to create specific centres of prayer and justice in Cities has unfolded in ways we couldn't have foreseen. 

Because really it's God's vision.

But we for the first time in our ministry are stepping into the unknown as far as the vision God has laid on our hearts is concerned. Does God want us to take it further? Is it time for a fresh vision to be spoke into us? 

I'm not sure.

Yet. 

One thing I do know is that I'm ready and listening. 

And the big questions I have this certainty tagged on to them, that I know they will be answered in due course. 

I think of the vision God gave us. 

I've stood up for it, spoke about it, breathed it and lived it. Been battered over it, almost lost the will to live with it and sometimes had my doubts about it. 

Without thinking. 

Because if I'd thought about it too much I'd have probably let go of it. Way too easily. 

I've had to defend it in people's offices, even when you look at some people squarely in the eye and you just know they don't get it. But somehow God has got me over brick walls. 

Which leads me to share a story with you. 

I was speaking at a conference in Wales about ten years ago. I delivered the talk, then when the session was coming to a close, the host announced that at the end of the session a prayer team would be positioned up at the front for people who wanted to be prayed with could head for. There was probably sixty or so people in the prayer team, and the host went on to say and I guess Gary could join them and I'm sure if anyone wants prayer from him then he will be available. I was a bit peeved to be honest because I was tired and just wanted to head home. But I went and stood with this team as people stared to stream forward. I saw an old man being helped on to raised platform where I was standing. He looked at least a hundred years old. His skin was deeply tanned but weathered lie leather. He walked slowly and gingerly towards me. He squared up to me eyeball to eyeball. But his eyes were piercing blue, kindly but full of life and confidence. He only spoke briefly. He had been saved at a revival meeting years ago when revival was sweeping Wales. He was seriously anointed. He said these words. "I have a word for you from God." Now I have loads of people giving me words in the everyday of my ministry, and i've learned to really be careful with what people say to me. I remember a woman saying to me once, "Does the word plant-pot mean anything to you?" It took me all my strength not say, "yeah I'm looking at one!" So I've learned to really test and discern words given to me. But this guy, he was one that I knew before he spoke that I had to listen to him and had to receive from God through him. He said this simple word. "God wants you to know you are going to come against some substantial brick walls in your ministry. Mostly the brick walls of religion, but the Spirit of God says that he will get you over every one of them if you keep you gaze on him." I felt very unsteady on my feet as the Spirit of God flowed from him. In fact I had to get Dawn to drive me home (which is sometimes a dangerous thing!) because I was so touched by the power of God. 

And ten years on.

Yeah.

A true word borne out. 

As Dawn and I look to the future, we know brick walls await. 

But we also trust in the word of God that he can do the impossible. 

And so we prepare to step into the abyss of the unknown. 

But I want to share with you a scripture, this scripture has been right in my face for the whole of my ministry especially when I have faced up to the brick walls that this guy was referring to. Walls that sometimes seemed like there was no chance for us to get over them. This scripture always surface like an electric current from my heart to my head. 

This is it. 

This is what The Lord says to His anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I take hold of to subdue nations before him and to strip kings of their armour, to open doors before him so that gates will not shut. I will go before you and will level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am The Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isaiah 45: 1-3)

And that is exactly why and how God gets you through, over, around or whatever the massive brick walls that suddenly loom up on us during the course of our journey through life. 

So today, just hold that truth close to your heart. 

God is going before you. 

He is obliterating whatever stands in the way of his salvation. 

So keep going. 

Keep your gaze on him. 

You will navigate through anything even the biggest of brick walls. 

The church: A Post Mortem?

In my pre-Christian life I worked in a hospital, mostly in the harsh and frantic arena of the operating theatre.

I can remember years ago in my training watching a couple of post-mortem procedures. 

I remember watching the pathologist at work and thinking that it wasn't a very happy type of job really.

The purpose of a PM is to ascertain and verify what caused a person to die. 

The pathologists I saw at work were pure genius. They were exceptionally brilliant people who knew exactly what they were doing. 

It was fascinating to see them at work. 

Why am I bringing this morbid subject up?

The other day someone spoke to me at length about the state of their Church. For a whole hour I just listened to a very passionate dissection of the problems this particular Church had and the reasons that it was dying. 

In fact the emotional discourse ended with that very statement, "We are already dead!"

I think the person telling me all this was a bit unnerved by the fact I didn't say a thing. 

I never spoke once. 

Why?

Because I really am fed up with that kind of statement. 

I hear it loads of times. "The church is dying, the church is dead, the post Christendom church is this, the post modern church is that." Tradition is killing the church, contemporary church is the way forward, we need a new leader, they should never have appointed so and so, and so on and so on. 

Anyone else sick and tired of all that tripe?

Or is it just me?

And frankly?

I'd rather focus on the life of the church than its death. 

The church seems to have some seriously passionate ecclesiastical pathologists. 

Except. 

Those who do this aren't experts like real pathologists. So when they perform their churchy post mortems they so often come to the wrong conclusions, they so often get the anatomy wrong. They continually use the wrong instruments, they all to often determine the wrong cause of death. 

Worse?

They verify the death and sign the death certificate. When its still alive!

A few weeks ago, at one of the Corps Dawn and I lead, Sacriston to be precise, at the end of a Sunday service after the last prayer, the people decided to just surround Dawn and I and just pray for us. The meeting had finished, the stage lights were out, the big screen turned off, the place was intimately lit, someone got up and called the church to surround Dawn and I and they prayed over us. They could see we were in need of some encouragement that night.  I don't want to dramatize it but the power that filled Dawn and I was much needed and felt incredibly uplifting. A few years ago, just before Dawn and I came to the North East, people were saying Sacriston Salvation Army was a dying place. The ecclesiastical pathologists were out in force performing their Post mortems. Maybe it was, but the fact is it wasn't dead. We just needed to lift our eyes up to God. That Might not sound very groundbreaking to some I understand that, but the spontaneity of the people that night was a demonstration of the life the Spirit of God has breathed into us.

So I've seen God revive a struggling Salvation Army Corps. 

Give it life in an instant. 

The same power is available in full to all.  

So I would prefer to talk about life in the church rather than its death.

I think concentrating on death robs us of life. 

If we spent as much time concentrating on what the possibilities are to reach a hard world as we do concentrating on dissecting the seemingly dead Church then I believe we would see greater victories than ever before. 

So what does the Spirit of God say today.

Test this. 

The Spirit of God says that I meant it when I set before you life or death and urged you to choose life. There is way to much work to do to be held back by trying to find the reasons why the church seems to be dying. Now is the time to look to the panorama, the vision, and the vision is me. Look to the horizon and shift your eyes to that place where the possible lies. That place where the fire is. That place where the ability to change is. Take your hands off the death. I have envisioned you to seek life not death. Direct your knowledge, your skills, your passions to the bringing of life. Are you tired child of being part of the death talk? Then follow me, put all you have into the life I have given you. The world needs a church that's alive. And it is alive because I am alive. My heart beats within it and yes there will always be those who choose death but you child, you would be far better choosing life. Speak words of life over everything you are. I will be with you all the way. I love you. Your father. 

I for one will leave the ecclesiastical pathology to God. The beyond expert God. I want to be part of a church that is full of life. And I want to hear statements like "the church will be alive until Jesus comes back!" 

The only way is to turn all our attention in him. 

He is life. 

Hanging in!

Richard had all his worldly belongings with him. 

A back pack, a bag of DVDs, and a digital set top box. 

"I'm not going back to that place!" He declared with certainty. "I homeless again now."

I got him to come to the cafe in S21 with me. I got us each a cup off coffee. I asked Richard to tell me what was going on with him. 

I've spoke about Richard a few times on my blog, so many of you will know that I have had a roller coaster of a ride since the day I first met him. A catalogue of ups and downs as I've tried to hang in with him on a part of his journey. 

"The person who lives below me in the shelter is annoying me. I can't stand the noise." This was his reasoning behind leaving. 

I talked to him for two hours. I rang the shelter where he lives, got them to talk to him. After  a real battle I managed to persuade Richard not leave the accommodation. 

And he's still there a week later so I'm relieved. 

This describes the kind of occurrence in a typical day at Sanctuary 21.

This week I've also been to Crown Court as a witness in a case. I unfortunately had no choice as I witnessed something and filled a statement out so I literally had to go. It was the most horrible experience ever. One of the other witnesses was a young girl who comes into Sanctuary 21 who is really struggling with addictions and some mental illness. When the court dismissed me, she was still waiting to go on the stand. She looked at me with pleading eyes to stay and support her in the witness room where we were waiting with a witness care officer. She was a mess on the inside and on the outside. All I wanted to do was to get out of there. But her pleading eyes sent their strong signal straight to my all too soft heart. The legal team thought it would be a good idea if I stayed. So when she gave her witness, I went into the public gallery so she would see someone she knew. Then when it was over I had a cup of tea with her in the witness room before she went. 

I decided to walk back to Sanctuary 21 from the court. I needed some fresh air. It was raining heavily, but I didn't care. As I walked back I wondered why I do this? This last six months has seemed to me to be one humongous battle. 

But I've hung in. 

I don't know how. 

But I have.  

As I walked through the rain drenched streets of Durham, the rain somehow enhancing the beauty of the old English University City, my mind kept on seeing these two occurrences I've just told you about, Richard and the young girl. And as I thought about the fact that I've hung in, I began to see the simple answer that God was showing me to my question of why do I do this? All the flack I get in ministry. All the toughness of the last six months in particular. Why? Why do this? There must be a thousand better things I could be doing? Then I saw Richards pleading face and the young girl in the courts pleading eyes, and I suddenly had an answer to that.

The answer was that "You do it Gary because I need you to hang in with the lost and the broken." And I began to see that actually there is nothing on this earth I would rather be doing than being there for people who are living with no hope in their hearts. As hard as ministry is sometimes. And I understood that "hanging in" is an essential part of mission. In other words not giving up on anybody. Not giving up on yourself even. 

I said earlier in this post that I don't know how I've survived ministry in the last six months? Well, that's not quite right. 

I do know. 

It's the strength that the Spirit of God supplies the human mind, body and soul. 

And as I prepare to leave Durham, and Sanctuary 21, a place we planted from scratch, and head for West London, I feel strong. I feel somehow God has allowed this intense battle I've been through to prepare me for something special there in that famous City. And I really know that there will be a lot of hanging in with people when I get there. A lot of victories waiting to be won, and God is sending us to show us his power like never before. 

I'm ready to go, as hard as it will be to leave Durham and let go of S21.

Ready for London. 

Talking of hanging in.

As I write this post a guy has just banged on the coffee shop window and give me the thumbs up. It's another one of the people we have hung in with, we've seen very little shift in his life, his life of drugs and crime, but he loves to come to Sanctuary 21, he had a big toothless smile on his face and shouted so the whole coffee shop heard, "I hope the soup's better than yesterday!" 

As I gave him the thumbs up back, my spirits raised up a notch further. And the Spirit of God whispered, "Who will go for me Gary?" And I had to reply in my Spirit, yeah that'll be me Lord." 

Just a reminder today that it is so vital to hang in with ourselves and other people, even when there is slow or even seemingly no progress, there is a world out there that desperately needs us too. 

It may be the way they will meet a saviour?

It may be the way we will meet the saviour?

Blessings today

Prayer. A shift in attitude

Christian prayer so often gets a bad press.

Both outside and sadly sometimes within the church.

I meet so many people who say that they have little or no prayer life.

I've had people coming to me in the past asking for help with their prayer life, and one common problem they might express is why is prayer necessary?

People can find it hard to get their heads around the concept of talking and listening to God as expressed through prayer because they wonder why if God knows what we need before we speak then why bother?

I remember my own prayer life struggled for so long.

My own struggles included things like wondering if it was making any difference to my life? Is anyone listening? It seems like I am making the same old requests over and over again. Prayer is such a bind, I have to do it because I'm told its what Christians do.

In my early days after my initial euphoria, my life as a Christian started to settle down, and prayer was easily left in the background because it felt heavy and tiresome and too much like hard work. Frankly the demonstrations of prayer I seemed to see around me added to the gloomy view I had of this frankly boring discipline.

For example sitting in a circle with a group of equally bored people waiting my turn to pray in a prayer meeting, or an excuse of one, because someone thought it would be best to have a prayer meeting because that's what we do.

No wonder that I almost lost the will to live in some of them.

My own journey with prayer took a turn for the better about ten years back.

I realised that the bad press, the negativity surrounding prayer, the bleakness that surrounded it was down to one thing.

Attitude.

So I flipped my attitude over.

My attitude was rubbish!

The way I looked at prayer was being fuelled by the negative spirit which sadly prevents large parts of today's church from understanding that prayer is vital to its actual survival.

I began to see prayer differently.

I started with my personal prayer life. And it's that on which I want to reflect on in this post.

The first thing I began to see was actually a revelation to me, it was a very simple thought in my head. The thought consisted of this, that prayer is not a method but an attitude.

This changed the way I pray straight away.

Before this revelation my personal prayer was methodical and mechanical. It usually consisted of me asking God for something, then setting the answer to that request myself. Then anything less than that answer ended in me being disappointed in God and edging ever further away from him as far as my relationship was concerned.

That was my attitude.

It needed changing.

So I flipped it over.

Then I thought what if I just trust God to be God. What if my prayer life actually had a helping of faith attached to it. Maybe I could just leave the answer to God and stop telling him what the answer should be.

The second part of my attitude bypass was that I needed to drop the dread. Drop the attitude that I had to do it, and drop the striving to do it out of duty.

So I looked at a different way.

I began to look at it as the vital lifeblood of my relationship with God. So I began to practice developing a lifestyle of prayer not a method. I know liturgy, rhythm, prayer meetings, quiet times are all necessary for some people and do have a successful history throughout Christendom, and are open to development and creativity, and can be brilliant ways of keeping the flame of prayer burning, but they also have a dangerous side. Namely that they can become dry, repetitive and can frankly put God into a little compartment that we open up to see him for half an hour in the day.

So I thought.

Why not try to speak and listen to God in everything I do. That includes set rhythms of prayer, but means I have to keep the flame of prayer burning outside them times too.

As I did that I began to see my hope grow and my faith grow as I started to see things that I'd never seen before. I began to see Gods answers in every day life. The walls came down on my conscience and on my compassion, as I began to see God in the every day.

I rid myself, as I developed (and continue to develop), of the chains of complicated prayer and began to just speak to God in my own way and in the realms of my own character. It's daft how many people try to be like someone else in prayer. All that does is make us feel inadequate and the voices in our heads say, "You can never pray as eloquently as that person" and in fact creates an arena where "superstar" people of prayer develop their high status images, and we end up thinking we are best leaving the prayer to them.

That's not the point of prayer.

The point is that God is desperate to communicate with us whoever we are. He's not bothered about eloquence or status, he just wants to share everything, namely the whole of our lives with him.

So it makes sense that we should just be us when we are entwined with him in prayer.

There are no levels of prayer.

Some people would have us think that there are.

But all I can see is that we all have equal access to God.

And God wants us to be, well, us.

We just need to be sharing everything with him as we talk to him and listen back to what he has to say to us.

So we are required to pray.

Because God seriously desires our company and wants us to seriously desire his.

The second thing I think I had to understand apart from changing my attitude was this.

That I needed to have total trust in His Spirit that lives in us, and to be receptive to that Spirit.

Three verses can help me explain what I mean.

If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus up from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Jesus Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through His Spirit that lives in you. (Romans 8: 11)

For those who are led by the Spirit are the children of God, the Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again, rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry Abba Father! The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. (Romans 8: 14-16)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8: 26-27)

These scriptures talk of the Holy Spirit living in us. Instead of thinking after reading this, "Well if the Spirit is praying for us anyway, well why pray?" I began to see that I needed to through his grace develop my receptivity to towards the work of the Spirit in my life.

Faith that the Spirit of God even when I'm struggling to pray still communicates the prayers I need to pray. Hey, even when I'm not struggling the Holy Spirit is still in me, still working all the time.

In prayer you can't lose.

The Spirit of God prays in accordance with the will of God.

Obviously there is multi-aspects to prayer, personal prayer being one. It is the basis of a relationship with God. It shouldn't be a chore. It should be a necessity. If you are struggling with prayer and you feel like your prayer life is not going well then it may be time to shift your attitude. There is so much to discover just waiting on the other side of your attitude change. A new level of relationship, a release of revelations and a depth of spiritual life that you maybe couldn't seem to grasp a hold of before.

So get praying!

It will change everything for us.