Make your world bigger (Moving forward from depression)

The pain of feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my life was sharp and heavy. My heart was in pain, my mind was in pain even my body was in pain. The heaviness was oppressive and depressive all at the same time. My world seemed like a prison. A prison with walls that slowly but relentlessly close in. I couldn’t for the life of me see the good in much. I felt at times like I wasn't sure I could take much more.

I wasn't enjoying my ministry.

I wasn't enjoying life.

I spent most of my time wishing I could just walk away from everything.

Every insignificant thing seemed massive.

Every negative comment sent me to a dark, lonely place, a place where I hate to go.

I now know where this started and set in.

Without going into details that would probably make you feel sick, the control and pure stupidness of different people, people who really should have known better, yet people who let power go to their heads, had inflicted serious damage to my spirit and my soul which in turn took its toll on my body. I had almost allowed them to do it by giving them too much power by going down the submissive route which is a dangerous thing to do if you are in the presence of people who do not understand the spiritual concept of submission. Spiritual submission is massively different to submission abuse.

I hit rock bottom after the last blow inflicted by sad, dangerous, misguided people.

This particular time the wound was deep and opened up a lot of other wounds I had collected in my officership.

Depression saw its chance.

It crept up on me and seeped through those wounds and settled in to my life.

Before I  became a Salvation Army officer I still had a sense of fun, of life and a sense of worth.

As great as my ministry seems to many people, I give all the glory  to God because he has had to work through my massive weaknesses.

But underneath the inevitable acting and the false self appearances that brings, I have been dying inside and I longed to be free.

Depression.

How do you get free from depression?

I’m not going to attempt to answer that right now for sure.

But.

I’ve learned some stuff.

It took a long time for me to admit that depression had set in. I just didn't want it. I convinced myself that it definitely couldn’t happen to me.

But one day.

One dark day.

I just walked into the doctors and asked for help.

I had already started counselling.

God was there.

Even though at times I wondered if he was even real.

He is amongst all of the help and healing.

And.

I am beginning to heal now.

If you read my last blog post titled “I’m back” then you will see I have at least stepped on the road to recovery.

It feels like I have been to hell and I’m on the road back to heaven.

A hell inflicted by people who in some cases were revered leaders.

If you’re still reading this and haven’t lost the will to live then I will tell you the reason that I write this short version of a big deal for me. I write it because I guess there are others who even now are reading between the lines of what I have written and your own situations are surfacing right now.

Especially depression.

I am no expert on getting free of depression but know that I have learned a few things that help with recovery and felt for some reason I need to share them today.

1. Prayer is massively important. even when you feel you are speaking to thin air and getting nothing back. Get into the lifestyle of doing it anyway. Trust God he will bring you through.
2. A verse of scripture a day helps.
3. Admit you are struggling.
4. Do not battle it. Go to the GP.
5. If counselling is possible go for it. A good counsellor can help you get stuff tucked away deep inside you out. There will be forgiveness issues and letting go issues that you could do with being sure about. Counsellors or Spiritual mentors etc are a great help in this.
6. If there is someone who is causing you distress, deal with it. If it is your boss don’t leave it, tackle them. if you feel you can’t speak to your boss, consider speaking to their boss.
7. Speak to a friend you trust. share how you are feeling.
8. Don’t be frightened to take time off sick if needed.
9. Don’t be afraid to take medication if prescribed.

My biggest problem was having years of not doing anything but get worse.

Just making a decision to deal with it by walking into the GP gave me a reassuring lift.

Keeping my prayer life strong even when it felt dry kept hope of healing alive.

I have briefly shared this and it is hard to do believe me. I am not the type of person who would like to read this blog post or share like this. I would rather keep it private. But I felt God wanted me to do this if only to help someone in deep need today.

So.

My final word on this is.

Don't leave it any longer.

Seek help.

There is a road to recovery.

There is time to discover you again.

There is hope.

If anyone wants to share with me there experience please email me on gaz.lacey@gmail.com and I will pray for you.

Finally

A word from God.

Make your world bigger. The world that surrounds your problem or issue is surprisingly small although you see it as insurmountable. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the most high dwells (Psalm 46:6). Listen sons and daughters I  Know about your past, present and future, head for the river that will lead you to the holy city. make your world bigger. Do not reside in the small world of your present circumstances. Seek the wider air of my omnipotence. There is a bigger world waiting for you. wide your ground, seek new things. the discoveries are there but you must find the river. I point the way. look to Jesus. Sons and daughters I know you are tired of the small world. seek the holy place. The City of God.

Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.

Blessings.

Sanctuary update 7

Quite few of you guys have asked me to do an update on Sanctuary in Ealing.

So here goes.

We have been operational for nearly a year now. As you can imagine it is an enormous task to set something new up from scratch, get it off the ground and eventually make it solid while at the same time guard against maintenance mode and keep it fluid. Dawn and I are the people who have a record of getting projects up and running while attempting to build in some solid foundations that future generations can build on. then someone else will come in and build on those foundations. That is what we have been busy doing this year. The prayer rhythm is solid. The hospitality has developed at a fantastic rate, with many needy people being drawn to the sanctuary including the homeless, the sick, the addicted and the alcoholic. Our practical assistance records are hard to keep up with and range from food to sleeping bags. We have compartmentalised and sharpened our need based hospitality down to afternoons where soup and other food is available to those who need it. We are so grateful that God has sent many volunteers to the Sanctuary who give their time and effort to serving the broken and the lost and they have contributed to making the soup and other food and serving the needy. But we are about to take that to another level we have signed a deal that little cash outlay with the chef at Sunbury Court who will cook the soup and we are setting up a collection and refrigeration service to constantly supply quality soup to the people. We serve an ever increasing Polish community of which some are desperately in need of help, as well as a multi national community that makes up the Ealing wider community. We have some guys working with us who have been released from prison and we are mobilising them to try to build up some self respect and confidence in themselves. We serve the wider praying community providing space for them to pray and make use of the prayer centre as well as hosting both local and national prayer events. I have recently launched and am developing a weekly prayer/pastoral surgery where people make appointments and come to pour out troubles, just chat, or be prayed with. Sanctuary kids is growing nicely and the team we have developed to look after that do an amazing job cooking tea on a Friday and then doing Christian based activities with the kids. Thursdays at the sanctuary are always very busy, we have developed a community meal at lunchtime which now attracts a capacity weekly patronage. The team who do thursdays work so hard to show love and respect to mainly elderly set of people. Thursday evening is a developing discipleship evening. Currently we are looking at what monasticism has to teach the church of today. This is mostly video/discussion based approach. We brought back from the old SA Corps here the mothers and tots session we do this on a Monday, We brought a different approach led by an amazing girl called sue (Who also does the Kids stuff) We are constantly up to capacity on this. Every day is a vibrant day we open every day of the week now apart from Sundays. The charity shop is doing very well and we are currently discussing ways in which we can improve this.

We have seen some great missional successes and victories.

For example a guy called Sam released from an 8 year stretch in prison, then straight back in to the deathly grip of drugs and alcohol. He came to the Sanctuary in a completely sorry state, heading for oblivion basically. Ive watched as the team have lavished patience and love and showed respect to this young guy who had no self respect, he had lost his family, he was blighted by alcoholism and drug addiction, and he had absolutely no chance of a job. Fast forward to today. After being disorientated by the love of Jesus through a Christian community, he has been clean for a number of months and was so excited to tell us he has just been taken on by a drug and alcohol outreach agency to help other addicts. That has taken people showing love, Dawn and I speaking with him telling him about Jesus, praying with him, and the people who work at the Sanctuary especially Nicky who has really taken care of Sam. he is now heading in a very different direction. He has an awful long way to go but the turn around has been only that kind of miracle that Jesus can provide.

There are a thousand stories like that, that I guess every team member could share with you.

We have a long way to go to bring about the solidity of the project in West London.

And there will be others after us who take this project forwards.

But.

Ealing Salvation Army Corps has turned a massive corner.

It was heading absolutely, and make no mistake about this, nowhere.

It is now beginning to make an impact in kingdom terms.

Many exciting days lay ahead.

And I want to add a bit of a prophetic word to this today.

Its all about being totally open to the whatsoever and the whosoever.

In other words dealing missionally and lovingly with whoever comes in our path and whatever situation occurs.

It's about what God says in Isaiah 56, "My Salvation is for everyone." The key is total inclusion.

Every morning I walk to work about three miles there three back. On my way I pass a row of low rent shops that have seen better days. In amongst them is a coffee shop. Outside they place an A frame sign every day. On the sign they write something like this, "If you are wearing a blue jacket and your name begins with the letter S come in and claim your free coffee." The sign transported my mind back to about four years back Christmas in a Northern UK City. I had been asked to speak in the cathedral at Christmas service. Richard , a local homeless guy had asked could he come and hear me speak, I said yeah and I'll take you for coffee and some chips afterwards. There was around 2500 people at the service and it was obvious I was going to have difficulty locating Richard. I couldn't see him so presumed he had forgotten or something. The next day I saw him in a doorway in the city. I asked him where he had been.

 He told me a churchy horror story that sadly I here way too often. he told me he had got to the door of the cathedral and explained to a person that he had come to hear his mate speak. This person said sorry we can't let people like you in here tonight.

That is people picking and choosing who salvation is for.

That is a scandal of christianity.

What did that say about Jesus to a man in great need.

I guess if he was wearing a blue Jacket and his name started with S he may have got a free coffee.

In other words he needed to be a certain type of person to be allowed int a church.

Let me say this.

Our hope is built on nothing less than jesus and his righteousness.

And.

Jesus does not close his arms to anyone.

Yeah.

Anyone.

And I think that open arm strategy is building the sanctuary here in Ealing. Not some great church planting strategy drawn up a missional development plan that really no one is remotely bothered about.

The spirit of God says today.

Open your arms.

Because they are my arms.

Open your eyes because they are my eyes.

Open your heart because it is my heart.

Sam has been grabbed by those open arms.

And he is being saved from total destruction.

So.

I pray the church will open it's arms to this world.

It just might be saved.

Living in the Opposite

Crisp, sunny and cold.

That was the weather report as I stepped out of the tube station onto the pavement.

I looked left and yes, it was still there.

Fixed to the side of Hounslow West Tube Station with blackened Victorian London brick.

Probably the dingiest cafe you could ever experience.

It's a place I have become acclimatized to over recent weeks.

The floor is a worn down linoleum sheet. Filthy, with holes ever widening. The walls are painted a dirty cream which I suspect were once brilliant white, probably darkened by a million fried English breakfasts. The tables and chairs are rickety and unstable adorned with plastic checked table cloths which at least can be wiped clean. This cafe sits right next door to Hounslow West tube station London.

And.

I love it.

Its got an atmosphere you just don't get in the posh coffee shop culture.

I got my coffee, black, straight and steaming hot in an off white mug with a picture of a mouse on it.

Nice.

It cost me £1.00.

Even nicer!

I was waiting for two guys who I have been working with on a project with the Salvation Army to investigate the possibility of planting a fresh SA in the area. These two guys are fantastic to work with. Both work for the Salvation Army but are not Salvationists. They both have fantastic gifts in looking at problems at working hard to solve them.

Chris walked into the cafe to meet me.

I could see his brain having a thought download. Probably with something like, "What on earth is he doing in here!"

We met Olly outside the Tube Station main doors.

Then we headed up to an area we have been looking at called the Beavers Farm estate.

Beavers is a vast 60s housing project built to  relieve overcrowding in post war London.

It has it's problems.

I'm not actually going to plant this new venture if it goes ahead, I've just been invited on to the steering group to add some more experience to the already great team of people. My role in the investigation and research stage is to carry out spiritual reconnaissance in the area. In other words I spend time on the streets using my prophetic gifting to try to sense and see what God is sensing and seeing directly on the street. I look for signs of the enemies work such as witchcraft, drug abuse, sexual activity, things like that. Its easy for me to spot these things after years of prayer training and street prayer, and travelling teaching people how to do it. I love it, its a bit like being a crime scene investigator collecting evidence to convict a criminal. Exciting stuff. The purpose of this is to try to find out from God what he actually wants in an are. So many people plant stuff without spiritual reconnaissance and wonder why the venture does not flourish.

So what I do is do a series of street trawls then right a report with a prophets eye view of what God is saying so that others can test it and add it to the hard research that is also so essential.

So.

Yesterday.

With Chris and Olly we walked the streets of the Beavers in London and my job was to share what I feel God is saying. Olly works for research and Development at the SAs Headquarters and Chris is the Community Director of the Central South Division. We had a really fruitful time.

One of the many things God has showed me in my observations was that there were certain Spirits camped out in these streets. Things like isolation, resignation, bitterness, mistrust, anti authority, poverty, and quite a few others.

Yesterday as I walked and talked with Chris and Olly God was speaking to me directly about these spirits. I've already added to my prophetic report that God requires any attempt to plant a project in this area to be approached with the opposite to all these spirits, for instance, to come against the spirit of resignation we need to carry the spirit of hope, for isolation, friendship, etc etc.

Yesterday I really felt a jolt of God. I sensed just how important in our lives living out christian values that we take this opposite spirit stuff really seriously.

When people are gesticulating out of car windows at us because we have annoyed them with our driving, try saying bless you instead of retorting with our own gesticulations! Come on, you know what I mean! That kind of thing in every day life.

But.

More importantly.

Where there is no life bring life
Where there is no hope bring hope
Where this is poverty bring a giving spirit
Where there is hate bring love
Where there is bitterness bring sweetness
Where there is anger bring calmness
Where there is danger bring safety.

And.

I guarantee I could go on and on and on and on with this list.

Which!

Brings me to a little spiritual exercise for us today.

A little spiritual reconnaissance in the territory that makes up the inside of us.

Where could we make some adjustments in terms of coming in the opposite spirit?

The world desperately needs the Spirit of God which is opposed to all things evil;.

It has to be us with that opposing Spirit living within us, the Holy Spirit, that this wave of the opposite spirit starts with.

I am convinced this is world changing stuff.

Take a look look inside today.

I'm back!!

Guys

I've been resting from writing for a while.

But this blog post marks a return to the blog posts!

With a new approach.

Watch out for a new post every Thursday.

Without going to deep and two extensive which will probably bore the pants off you, I’ve been through a titanic struggle this last year! I’ve experienced all the side effects of the intensity of spiritual battle including depression, melancholy and listlessness! A nasty bunch of things!

So I've had intense prayer, counselling and treatment from the doctor.

I nearly resigned from officership!

I just wanted to get home to the greatest city in the world which is my home Liverpool!

I cancelled speaking engagements, stopped writing, and stopped communicating!

Life has been rubbish.

But.

Today?

I’m back!

Feeling sharp.

Grasping a new perspective.

And.

Recovering a ministry that felt like it was disappearing down the pan.

In the dark times.

Something mad happened.

Dawn and I went and got a puppy!

He is tiny and his name is Jake.

He’s literally helped me!

I’m not sure how theological a dog being sent by God is, but he has really helped me to get strong!

My counselor has helped me too!

I used to pour scorn on counselling thinking it doesn't really help as only Jesus has the answers.

But.

I will never deny the intensity of enablement that talking things through with a professional counselor has opened up my heart and mind to see where there is damage in my life.

It’s helped me to get my life out on the table and have a long look at it!

It didn't look all that nice at times.

I’ll not bore you with all of that!

Although it is pretty juicy!

Believe me!

That stuff would make for a pretty riveting read!

But.

For the sake of my reputation and dignity I’ll stick with the bottom line to give you a picture of where I've been hurt.

Basically?

I've lost myself.

I've tried to be anyone but the Gary I am meant to be.

Also.

I had some mental and spiritual damage as a child that made me pretty fearful.

But another part of me has grown up into an adult.

But the damaged child in me rears his head often. The outcome of which means he reacts out of fear.

But.

The responsible adult Gary has not been looking after the damaged child in me.

This is where Jake the puppy comes in!

I've really fell in love with him!

And in caring for him, walking him, cleaning up after him, sitting with him sleeping on my knee, playing with him, I've somehow learned to apply the same care to the damaged child within me.

And.

Something really clicked within my heart.

The responsible adult has got stronger!

I’m feeling alive again!

I feel like I’m rediscovering the true nature of Gary.

More than that.

I've rediscovered the true nature of God.

Who I understand truly loves me, even if others don’t. even if enemies rally against me.

Jesus loves me.

So I look forward to writing again!

I look forward to a new direction in life right now.

I look forward to being a part of God’s mission to this world.

So keep tuning in to my blog!

Thank you for all your prayers and kind words during this immensely difficult time.

You are amazing.

Gaz

For the brave (Christmas blog post)

This year I've gone crazy for books.

I have read loads.

Over the last few days I treated myself to a classic.

Dickens to be exact

A Christmas Carol.

A massive contrast to my recent brushings with Lee Child and Dan Brown amongst others.

I've been reading like mad to help dull the pain of a difficult period in my life where I am assessing where I've been, where I am now and where am I going in the future.

Hence this.

A Christmas carol got me thinking.

You know the three ghosts.

Christmas past, Christmas present, and Christmas yet to come.

Weird little apparitions that give Ebenezer Scrooge a tough time of it yet they ultimately helped him to change for the better..

when I finished the book I had this bizarre little vision of me decorating three Christmas trees.

Each tree represented Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas yet to come.

I was decorating them with stuff.

Stuff from the past.

Stuff from the present.

Stuff yet to come.

I think I might even do that next year.

The past included stuff like my my Jobs including my relationships, my successes, my failures, my hurts, my joys, my disasters, my mistakes, the stuff I got right, all kinds of stuff.

The present was difficult to decorate. There are some really good things, but I've been a bit disillusioned and unhappy lately, feeling I am not heading towards realising my hopes and dreams. I feel stripped of them in many ways and restricted by circumstance and the bad side of religion. So the tree looked a little drab.

Yet to come? My hopes and dreams don't seem to fit with where I am in my life right now. I feel restricted and a bit trapped at times in my ministry. Yet the decorating seemed to help me focus a bit more on what is possible for my life. As I decorated it I laid on a lashing of tinsel. written in the tinsel was the word bravery.

That was it.

I want my bravery back.

Yet to come looked kind of much brighter than the others.

I thought of the change in Scrooge.

I thought.

That's what I need.

Change.

The heart of the whole gospel is change.

Change.

Change takes bravery.

As I imagined  decorating the future tree, Christmas yet to come, I began to long for change, in myself, in my life, in my direction. I need to be myself, not someone others wants me to be.

Dawn was preparing for a talk at church last week and she was using that amazing song mary did you know.

As I was listening to the song as she was preparing a line hit me.

Mary did you know your baby boy has come to make you new.

I focused on the birth of Jesus.

Born to make me new.

I thought of the things that surfaced in my character when Jesus made me new.

I was brave. prepared to take a chance, a risk, enjoyed being chancy even when I failed. That bravery has helped us to work on Gods plan and plant three churches from scratch. But lately working in my denomination I really believe that my bravery is being stolen. By a system that wants me to be like them. A system that wants me to just accept strict boundaries despite of who I am. My character is just not wired up like that. I want to be myself not some generic robotic leader who a denomination feels I should be.

I want to rediscover my uniqueness.

i have to be myself.

That takes bravery.

My prayer, my desire, my aim from now on is to be myself.

Christmas began to look better.

I've changed massively over the years since giving myself to Jesus.

Yet I need him to make me new again right now.

I need change.

I need to be brave.

I will be brave.

I need newness more than ever.

A new future.

Christmas is a great reminder of the new.

Christmas is a great pointer to change.

Christmas is a time where the past is past away, the present is worth reflecting on and the time yet to come can be glimpsed.

If you had those same three trees to decorate, what would you put on them?

what is past, what is present, what is yet to come?

I pray this Christmas will be special for you. I pray you will be blessed and you will be touched not by the magic of the season but by the Spirit of God.

I pray bravery all over your life.

And.

My message to you is this for what it is worth to you right now.

Don't be afraid to be brave. If there are things that need to change, change them, If there are desires that need to be fulfilled fulfil them, If the is vision in your heart then pursue it. Do not settle for being like someone or something wants you to be like.

Be you.

Do all of this despite what others say.

And I pray that will mean?

Change.

And.

A dramatic realisation of your dreams in the time yet to come.

Thank you for your encouragement, comments and kind words about my blog this year. I pray you've been challenged and blessed.

Have a great Christmas

Gaz

Tiger

The cool of the autumn was invaded by a late October sun.

The colours that Autumn naturally produces have an ability to warm the soul. 

I sit in amongst it and wonder at the splendour of it all. It evokes a spacious feeling inside my mind. Autumn seems to give me space to think and reflect. 

Osterley Park London, it's hard to believe I'm in urban Hounslow. It's a country park in the City. Autumn has blessed it with the majesty of the season. 

And. 

I am clear. 

A moment of clarity in the midst of the fastness of this city, this ministry, and my life. 

I am fully aware that I am not alone. 

God is close. 

Protecting me. 

Surrounding me. 

In the clarity I glimpse the way ahead.

Some decisions lay close. 

Change has to be.  

I need to get past the tiger in the room. 

That is utterly possible. 

For the first time in a long time, I see that is definitely possible. 

The tiger in the room. 

In the world of counselling I believe that "the tiger in the room" seems to be talked about as those things that seem to be blocking the way forward. Those things that seem so ferocious. Those things we think will attack us if we get too close.  

They get in the way. 

So we stay where we are. Or worse retreat back into the oldness of life. 

I see that is where I have been standing lately.

A bit too fearful of the tiger in the room.  

Somehow that has become clear in the autumn splendour. 

I haven't wrote much on my blog lately.  

I've been kind of retreating back a bit. 

But here. 

Now. 

I'm ready to become unstuck.

To start forward again.

It's not going to be easy. 

But I feel a divine reassurance today. 

It's true. 

Anything and everything is possible with God. 

So. 

Anyone feeling a bit stuck out there?

Feeling like the way forward is blocked?

It could be the tiger in the room. 

Could be fear of telling people, could be fear of letting people down. Whatever.

Have a think.

See if you can identify those tigers.

They are just tigers. Only not really there!

Just give it to God. 

With God you can walk past them. 

You really can. 

Dry Lands

It was never going to be easy.

Ministry.

Don't get me wrong, there are times of great reward, joy and favour.

I'm not going to lie to you though.

There are times of extreme dryness, where one feels alone and abandoned.

My scripture this morning is important to me right now.

Psalm 63:1

(A Psalm of David, when he was in the desert of Judah) You, God, are my God. Earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land. where there is no water.

A desert.

Hot.

Dry.

Devoid of any useful living thing.

No water.

I honestly have felt that lately. I didn't want to plant another prayer centre. Before we moved to London I dreamed of not doing any planting or Corps work in the Salvation Army at this stage of my officership. I am tired of the hard work of planting into dry, parched land, and genuinely am ready for a different type of challenge. I can't see myself overseeing a corps at this stage either. Both Dawn and I were ready to lay the vision we have carried down for others to pick up and carry forward. In my spirit I know I am ready for a change in my leadership direction.

That is what Gary feels and desires.

Yet.

I am here.

Planting the third prayer centre of my officership.

And.

It has been the hardest yet.

We came to a dry, parched, land.

A genuine spiritual desert.

And yet.

Dawn and I, despite the Salvation Army not listening to us in terms of our readiness to grasp a hold of a new role and new things in leadership, and listen,  i'm not knocking them (The SA) for that as I believe others definitely listen to God too,  It's not just about Gary and Dawn! We were nevertheless able to stand in that dry land and say You, God, are my God.

And.

As we declared that and continue to earnestly seek him, as we thirst for him, he has began to rain down his living water on the dry ground here in Ealing.

Despite what Gary and Dawn might want, what God wants doesn't always line up with that.

We have been blessed here with some lovely people, who have joined us since the Corps has been realigned a little, people who have helped us to lay down a new direction, without them we couldn't have got to where we are right now, which is a little way down a journey that hopefully will now span decades. They are infectious and loving and have been like a refreshing rain in the dryness. We have been blessed by seeing the start of some serious transformation happening in peoples lives and that is the sensational love of God at work. We have seen the seeds of unity springing in the togetherness of the churches here in Ealing. Ive seen healing and restoration going on right here, right now.

This is water.

Living water.

Beginning to seep into the dry, parched land.

The thing is.

Even though I am tired of this type of ministry and probably do need at some stage to move into something different, God is still working. God is still moving. God is still carrying out His massive life saving plan on this earth. Despite what I feel or whether I am enjoying my ministry or not, he continues to astonish us with his gift of love to this world.

And.

I have to believe he can use us right here, right now.

Despite my feeling.

Despite my feelings of needing a change.

God is always on the mission.

The key is?

Listen to Davids declaration in the Judah desert.

"You, God, are my God!!!

When we can say that with confidence, or even if we can say it when we are not feeling that confident, even when stuff around is not seemingly happening, then we have a chance!

Because God is the living water!

He is the refreshing rain.

He is our hope.

He is our sustenance in a dry, parched land.

Hey Gary why are you speaking like this on your blog I possibly hear you say?

Yeah.

Because?

This morning as I prayed alone in a very quiet upper prayer room. I reflected on this scripture. I stayed with it.

I had a picture, it could have been me, but I don't think it was, I saw someone in a very empty room sitting on a chair with their head in their hands.

There was a perspex shield on the window.

Outside there was an golden city gleaming in the distance.

It was etched on this persons face the longing to head towards that new place.

I felt the loneliness and the pain of this person who longed to head towards this city. But the perspex was strong and the door of the room was locked and there was a feeling of complete trappedness in the air. The spirit of God whispered into the air that  that the key to unlocking the door was the declaration. You, God, are my God! The declaration was freedom itself.

And I felt God say, "I need you to write this down Gaz"

It may well be there is someone out there who is feeling trapped by circumstance. There maybe someone who feels they are living in a dry land and feel so thirsty that you feel like you could die. There maybe someone who feels they are not being listened to? or that they are in the wrong job, the wrong place, the wrong relationship, the wrong ministry? There maybe someone who feels so far from God or vice versa, that the spiritual dryness is suffocating you.

God is always there!

Stand with me now and say this.

You God, are my God!

He is right there.

Living water.

The cool water of hope.

The refreshing water of life.

The sustaining water of God.

No matter how dry you are, no matter how devoid of blessing you feel, then cling to God.

Hold on with all your strength.

Hold on.

Hold on to the movement of God.

Earnestly seek him.

He will give us the desires of our hearts if we would only hold on to him.

Blessings. (Hope this helps someone today!)

Gaz

Forgiveness and Compassion

I'd only stepped out of the room for 5 minutes.

When I came back into the main room at Sanctuary West London, someone had stolen my laptop.

There was just an empty space where it had been!

Ten minutes earlier I had been working on the multi media for our service.

So I lost all that work.

No one saw who it was.

No one saw anything.

Its one of the hazards of working with some desperately troubled people.

Straight away?

I felt nothing but compassion.

I know some of the guys who come into our place are hopelessly gripped by the evils of homelessness, drugs addiction and alcoholism. This in turn means being lost in a world of crime and deception.

I've worked with people long enough now to know the things that people will do just to get money, just to feed an addiction.

I was reminded of the day in Durham where I was threatened with a knife by someone we had showed the love of Jesus to. He ultimately went to prison for the offence. But I remember the day he came back and said, "Gaz, can I come back in I'm really hungry." I remember how my heart just reached out to him, and I said "of course you can mate." I saw a flicker of light come into his sad dead eyes.

Those words in a worship song that start with "Everyone needs compassion," Are so real and so true.

I was thinking this morning as I pray, how forgiveness and compassion are key components of justice.

How they open up the arms of Jesus to those who are wounded and broken.

In this world right now where talk of  bombing  raids, murder, war, and so many other horrific things seem to dominate everything. Where Justice seems to mean different things to different nations, people, and even religions, the words "everyone needs compassion" pierce the gloom of that with hurricane type force. Forgiveness and compassion ultimately are the only things that can successfully turn this world around.

Why.

Because they are the ultimate messages that flow from the blood of Jesus, that flow from the cross, that flow from the heart of Jesus himself.

Jesus lights up dead eyes.

Jesus is hope.

Jesus is indeed the answer to a world gone mad.

So.

It really can start with us.

It really can.

If everyone needs compassion where are we in all that right now?

Come on where are we?

Are we carrying unforgiveness around?

Are we ready to show compassion to whoever?

These words just penetrated my mind as I pray this morning, "A repentance to Justice."

Repentance.

A big word.

A big thing.

It means turning away from sin.

Turning away from sin?

That is never going to be easy I know, believe me!

Forgiveness is the massive key in all of that and I think compassion is too.

Turning away from injustice to the justice of the kingdom.

If we really want to bring about the Justice system of Heaven to this earth, then I think it really starts with us.

In the simple things especially.

So whats holding you back?

Whats in the way?

If you know?

Do something today, do something now!

Turn away from it.

And we may just bring more of Gods justice to this world.

Sanctuary update 5

it was a busy day.

The Sanctuary opened early on Saturday and the people came in gradually during the morning.

Hospitality and Prayer working in complete harmony.

In came a new guy, sam, just released from prison after serving fourteen years.

He was a little drunk but not much, he needed just to talk.

He shared how he had messed up his whole life big time.

He said the only thing he wanted in this world was a new start, a new chance, a new existence. Dawn and I shared with him about the new starts that we had when we encountered Jesus. I could see in his eyes he wanted that. He's coming back on tuesday to talk further.

A new start.

It was almost prophetic confirmation of what was taking place this day.

It was the day of our official opening as a house of prayer.

The main event being a service of dedication and release at 7pm that very night.

The first thing was at 4pm members of our community gathered to prepare the hall for the night ahead. We had to move the cafe area to our lesser hall and create a theatre style seating arrangement in the main hall. Hard work that involved moving couches, chairs and tables, then shifting 100 chairs next door. As we worked I couldn't help thinking just how marvellous God actually is. We had hardly any people last year. It's just miraculous really.

People started to arrive around 5pm for a 7pm start.

Friends, people from our new community, colleagues from the Salvation Army, people from other Churches in Ealing and loads more came in their droves.

The event started at 7pm.

Worship was led by Sara Williams, the atmosphere being almost electric, as the presence of God surrounded us.

Our Divisional leader (Salvation Army) Paul Main then preached an amazing word on Ezekiel 37, reminding us that God always wins and that the truth of the matter is that dry bones can live as we connect with God.

I had to follow that with a glimpse of the vision for Sanctuary, in which I used a series of moving testimonies on screen from members of our new growing family at Sanctuary including homeless people, new volunteers, even a person who is one of the very few who stayed from the old Corps that was in Ealing. As I watched I could sense a series of disconnected bones beginning to come together as our new community is built by the breath of God. I used the scripture Psalm 127 Unless the Lord builds the house the builders labour in vain.

Then Divisional leader Jenine Main Led a time of declaration and dedication using Solomon's dedication of the temple as a backdrop to releasing us into a new phase of the life of Ealing Corps. This was the crux of why we have these dedicating events, to have our leaders bless this vision is of massive importance in the Heavenlies.

We finished on a nice note of praise as Sara led us to the throne of God with that amazing song everyone needs compassion (Mighty to save).

Then the tea started to flow and the cakes started to be eaten!

A new era begins.

As I sat down when the building was almost empty, tired but blessed, Anya came and sat by me. She had wandered in right at the end (She is the lady I spoke about in a previous post that lives in an elevator) She wanted some food. She said to me, "I can't even remember how my life got this bad, I want things to be different, I need a new start.

This morning as I write this update, I can't help thinking how my day started and ended with two broken people, Sam and Anya reminding me of the responsibility we carry as Christians, to bring healing, restoration and transformation to those who need Jesus desperately.

Sanctuary has commenced its new start as people have listened to God and followed his will and taken big risks for the sake of the Kingdom.

But my desire is that the Sam's and Anya's of this world encounter the same reviving Spirit that has created a new way forward for the Salvation Army in Ealing London, and get their new starts.

The road ahead is hard and full of danger.

But.

The hope is bigger.

A lot bigger.

Because God is awesomely and infinitely massive.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement.

Emergence (A Prophecy)

6am

The emergence of the morning appears slowly from the shadows of the night.

Grey turns to autumn gold.

Emergence.

My prayers are quiet.

peaceful and easily centred.

God speaks to me through the emergence of the morning.

It's a new beginning.

The emergence of the morning speaks to me clearly.

The darkness we sometimes feel will soon be gone. The tough times are fleeting. The blackness of night that sometimes envelopes our lives will dissapear.

The emergence of the morning.

It speaks of hope.

Hope eternal.

It speaks of life.

It speaks of a new start.

It is a glimpse of Heaven to the eyes of our souls.

The emergence of morning is a pilgrimage.

It's not a journey with maps, coffee shops and travel documents.

It's a journey of the soul.

In the emerging morning God speaks this word prophetically this day.

Beyond the darkness there is a light. A light so majestic, a light that flashes its electrifying beams in glorious splendour, healing light, a saving light, a restoring light, a transforming light. Beyond the darkness is new ground, ground that we do not know. beyond the darkness there is a new hope. Beyond the darkness there is a glory that will touch the very heart of you. Beyond the darkness is new life far greater than anything we can comprehend. The emergence of a new morning. the Spirit of God says this day that its time to push through the veil of the night. It's time to pilgrim towards the new ground that lies beyond. You will not see what is there in the first morning light. You will have to trust me says the Lord almighty. You cannot know the whole picture. Don't search for the answer, search for the new ground, search for the light of the day. Be brave, be braver than you have ever been. I have prepared you, I have equipped you, I will not leave your side even though I have gone before you. The night is drawing to an end, morning will soon be here. We have to go to places not yet discovered, we have to go beyond the curtain of night in to uncharted waters. You have to push through, do not be afraid for I am with you says the Lord almighty. It is time to walk from your darkness, its time to stand. You don't have to reside in the shadows of the past. Stand says the Lord. The morning is emerging says the Lord almighty. The mechanics of your soul are in my care says the Lord. Be free, head towards the light of the day. My glory will save you, my glory will shape you, my glory will connect you with my true and perfect will. The night has to end. The morning is emerging. Go child, trust me, keep your eyes on me, I know the big picture, you absolutely don't know it. It is time! You have stayed in the darkness too long. It is time to discover things you never would believe. Its time to discover depths of my love you never thought possible. It is time to herald the morning of the miraculous. So push on through. Through the veil of night into the emergence of the morning.

So here we are.

It's up to us.

As I sit in the gold of the autumn morning I pray this for you.

Lord, You are astonishing, so astonishing that we lift your name high forever. Please allow your word to penetrate our lives. Thank you for the morning, thank you that you alone can rescue us from the grip of the night. Thank you for the hope that lies beyond what we think or know. Thank you Jesus. I pray for anyone reading this who knows you are speaking. Help us to know you mean business. Help us to get up. Help us to walk into the emergence of the morning. Help us to not be afraid of pushing into new ground, in our personal life or in the corporate life of your church. We declare that you are the hope of this world. We make the very real declaration that you are Lord Jesus over all of mankind.

Lord please touch lives through this word as it is tested in your name.

In Jesus name

Amen

Sanctuary Update 4

Her broken English has a strong quality.

Deep.

Resonant.

Anya is Polish.

I sat opposite her today over a cup of tea.

Her eyes are deep set and glint a vibrant rich green.

Yet.

They reflect something sad, something terrible even.

Anya lives in a broken lift (Elevator) in a disused office block here in London.

She wanted to show me her arms which she said were extremely sore. They were livid with needle marks.

She is addicted to some of the most deathly drugs known to man.

She shared with me a desolate story of hopelessness starting with her journey from Poland to England, and then the desperate story of the relationships she made with the wrong kind of people ending with an addiction that is slowly leading her down the steep road to oblivion.

I gently prayed over every needle wound and saw her tears drip rhythmically on to the table.

This week at sanctuary the fruit of the hard work of prayer has began to roll out.

We've seen it before.

So expect it.

But.

This week?

God has drawn people like Anya into our beautifully developing community at Sanctuary West London.

Like Tom.

Just this morning.

Tom sleeps in the park and was so desperately hungry that he could hardly stand up.

I watched as our amazing developing volunteer team lovingly took care of him giving Tom food, clothes and let him wash in our toilets.

Like Karl, who has been coming in every day since we opened, homeless, penniless, locked in a seemingly hopeless position.

Like Elvis, yes Elvis! Although Im not sure it's his real name. spaced out by some drug that has hit his nervous system like a bullet made of evil.

Like Elaine who just came in and asked if we would pray with her. She feels devoid of any direction in her life whatsoever.

Like the lady who came in and asked Myself and Ian one of our great volunteers if she could talk to us in the cafe, and shared how her marriage is falling apart.

All day we have been opening Jesus arms to people.

Its like a trickle of need is now turning into a steady flow and it feels like we are gearing up for a tidal wave.

And

I watched the developing little community at Sanctuary today.

I was privately moved to tears myself.

How willing people are to reach out to help these people who are in desperate need of a saviour.

I thought how God is at the heart of community.

And.

I saw how today the world so desperately needs communities with a heart.

There is so much work.

The harvest is massive.

I prayed with so many people today that my brain hurts tonight.

But my heart is alive.

And this newly born community is alive.

And as the leader of the West London development project I truly know that God is at work. He is building this community, this church, this prayer centre. He is changing the face of the Salvation Army in Ealing.

And I guess this is a bit of a weird update, and it in no way covers all the amazing stuff that is happening right now as newness envelopes the direction we are taking through Gods leading.

But.

I wanted you guys to catch a little of the heart of what God is doing through prayer, mission and Justice.

And.

I continue to speak out that prayer is vital.

It will bring healing to the nations.

Sanctuary West London came in for some real criticism lately on a Facebook site ran by Salvationists.

One guy had wrote about prayer communities declaring "where is the mission in them?"

I'm not mad at these guys.

I really bless them.

But today?

As I ministered amongst the sometimes devastating brokeness that lies in our cities and communities I can firmly proclaim that prayer not only fuels mission but is mission!

God is at work in the mess of peoples lives and unless we are talking and listening to him then I guess we should call ourselves the headless chicken church.

Seriously.

Psalm 127:1 says it all.

 I leave it with you.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain."

Thank you guys for all your encouragement which comes from all four corners of the Earth. Thank you so much.

Blessings