End of life

These past three years I have found myself in world of end of life care.

I didn’t choose to be there.

I sort of just found myself there.

It started when I left Salvation Army Officership and sort of fell into a job with a funeral director in London.
The job turned into many things.

Cleaning funeral cars, funeral directing, coffin bearing, driving big expensive limousines, removing bodies from homes, crime scenes and other locations. Yet the thing I developed a real love for was dealing with bereaved families.

I was able to engage my experience of pastoral work along with my natural desire to help people in need.

This experience was honed over 20 years as a Senior Nurse and a further 16 years as a minister.

At the time I had in my head that this job was at it’s crudest level a means to an end, a fill-in to help get me over the sheer havoc that working for the Salvation Army had brought to my life.

But.

God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.

I found the compassion for hurting people that is deep within my soul was being utilised, so much so that I found myself in the midst of the devastation of peoples loss. This place is a mission field that requires a deep compassion, a caring spirit, and a comforting presence. God is already in the spaces of peoples loss and hurt so it suddenly dawned on me that he had pulled me in to join him there.

Fast forward to right now.

In Two weeks’ time at Manchester Metropolitan University, I begin the short academic and practical course to regain my registration as a Registered General Nurse.

And

I will be doing my placement in a Hospice as I have decided to train to become an end of life specialist over the next few years.

A few people I have talked to about it say, “How could you deal with death every day?”

Do you know what? They are valid observations and concerns of course they are.

But.

My faith helps me to know that end of life care is just an earthly term and applies to the end of our existence on earth.

Yet.

My faith determines that it is nothing but a stage on an eternal journey.

So.

With that in mind I will be working not with death but with life abundant, and although a large part of my work as a nurse in end of life care will involve the absence of cure and healing as we know it in earthly terms, it will involve the beautiful administration of making people more comfortable as they reach the final stage of their life on earth.

Not only that.

It will also involve the privilege of being in the middle of peoples hurt, family members, friends and the like.

As if that decision wasn’t enough.

I had the great honour to be part of my own mothers death recently.

I always thought I would be absolutely devastated when my mum passed away.
Yet
I was blessed with a sense of utter peace and joy.

I felt a strength filling me from heaven.

My mum was the most beautiful person to me.

Yes she could drive me insane at times as she could be a bit feisty, and holding back what she thought at any given time wasn’t an option for her, but she was a mast in my life.

I miss her terribly of course. And I have learned that grieving involves many emotions that will be different to every single person.

But.

I am blessed with my faith to know that death was not the end, and for my mum it was the ultimate healing from all that life threw at her and somehow I feel even closer to her now.

This convinces me of the thin veil between that exists between earth and heaven.

This experience has strengthened my resolve to enter the world of end of life care with passion and strength to help others in their respective times of deep need.

And I get the distinct feeling that God has led me to this place.

I leave you with a short postscript.

For those dealing with bereavement just now I know how you feel from recent experience, But I challenge you today to grasp hold of the hope that faith brings and move on in your grief with all the love, memory and experience that a relationship with your loved one brings.

Carry all of that into your future with confidence.

Tiger

I looked into the face of a tiger.

Well

Not a real tiger.

A picture of one.

It had vibrant yellow eyes.

It was baring its teeth.

His face had a kind of "I am about to pounce on you" expression.

But

It made me smile.

Yeah

It really did.

My smile was unforced and came without me trying.

I have documented many times about the fight I had with immense inner turmoil.

Yeah

I'm truly happy to report.

I am out the other side.

I have finally stepped past the vicious tiger that stood in the way of me and my future.

The tiger in the room took many forms in my battle.

It fired stuff at me like, "You're not good enough",
Like how could anybody possibly like you", "you've got absolutely no chance of achieving that".

You know

All that Kings of rubbish.

But

That tiger in the room relentlessly made me retreat backwards into my miserable life.

Its been a long hard journey to step past that scary tiger.

But

I'm past it.

The thing is.

I now see possibilities instead of futile harbourings.

I now feel like I am walking forwards instead of retreating backwards.

Last week I spoke at a Church retreat, the first time I have done it for a while.

My goodness I felt clear.

I felt I have no baggage as I have laid it down.

I feel my creative writing has resurfaced from deep within me.

I feel like I am at the start of my life again.

I have a blank canvas ahead and I have plenty to write on it.

I resurrect my blog today in a new frame of mind.

And

I'm ready to write positive words for the glory of God.

God

Who

I give all the praise for bringing me through the worst ever period of my existence.

Watch this space

.

Reinvention

My coffee was hot, black, straight.

Just as I like it.

My view from the window of the coffee shop, trendily named ‘Smooth Dark Rest’, a coffee joint tucked away from the main drag of the City, was unrestricted. I could see the drab grey paving stones that formed the pavement, they were slick with rain. The sky was grey too, overcast and clogged up with shades of an even darker grey-green set of shadowy clouds that threatened torrential rain. The melancholy of the weather did nothing to bring calm to my troubled mind. It also actually pretty much described the way I viewed my life at that point in time. Dark, unsettled and a little bit miserable.

No

A lot miserable actually.

The main thrust of my state of mind was that I was sick of the person I had become.

My life had been reduced to an insular, almost reclusive existence.

Circumstances of my work had seen to that. Being involved in the Church had seen to that too. The very community that should have issued hope, only had served to rob me of any sense of life.

I carried a heavy weight around with me constantly, my head felt like it was just a single block of steel and my mood was one of self-pity, regret and despondency.

How I wished I had never been a Salvation Army Officer.

How I wished I had developed my nursing career and never gave it up.

The only thing that I could see that I had done right was to marry Dawn and take on a beautiful family.

These thoughts kind of constantly ate away at the core of my being.

I had become, cynical, defeatist, lethargic and convinced that this was it for me. This was the cards that life had dealt me and a 55 years of age I had little prospect of achieving any of the dreams and visions I once held close.

That morning in the Dark Smooth Rest, simply sipping my coffee and staring at the shining wet pavement something shifted in my head.
A vision burst forth!

I began to see a new world emerging from the blackness.

I saw in no uncertain terms in my minds eye the gifts that I have been given. My teaching skills, my relational skills, my speaking skills, my compassion for the less fortunate and the sick. I then began to see a person who I would like to be. Kind, care free, optimistic, loving, genuine and authentic.

I saw a person who loved life, who embraced all the good things that life offered. I saw a person who had no worries. I saw a person who had lost the heavy steel head and the heavy weights I had carried for so long had disappeared.
As I stared at the greyness of the day my body came alive with life.

I then heard words in my mind.

Well, a word actually.

Reinvention.

I thought it was a weird word to pop into my head.

But

I grasped it immediately.

That’s exactly what I needed.

Reinvention of me.

I needed a new identity.

I had lost any identity I had ever had.

I began to imagine what a new emerging Gary in a new emerging world would be like.

In that moment I desperately wanted to lose the Gary I had become, to leave him wallowing in misery in the Dark Smooth Rest Coffee Shop, and emerge into a new world full of hope and new vision.

And

I just decided

To do it.

I sat upright with my eyes wide open.

I said goodbye to the old Gary and walked out of the Smooth Dark Rest into an emerging new world.

The business of reinvention stated right then.

It meant taking an inventory of what I had become.

It was painful to write these things down.

Things that had shaped my life had to be removed.

But

The fresh excitement of taking on a new identity filled me with hope.

Suddenly a life that seemed dead in the water, reignited.

I began to see that at 55 I still had chance to change direction, to embrace a new future, to take back my dreams and visions.

So

I wanted to write this blog today to encourage anyone feeling lost in the greyness of life.

It’s not over

By any means.

It may seem like it.

But

It’s not over.

There is reinvention.

There is the chance to take a hold of that dream you have.

You just need to shift that old you out of the way.

Get out of your own way!!!

There is hope

There is a new identity waiting for you to grasp a hold of.

Take it.

Gary's Book

Hi guys

Thank you to those all over the world who have purchased my book.

especially my blog readers.

Thank you

I'll be shortly looking to write a second book so keep your eyes peeled for info.

Just to remind you, you can still purchase my book "Dejunk" direct from my blogsite or by just requesting a copy by emailing me on wglacey@outlook.com or look out for it in various Christian bookshops.

Thanks again

Gaz

Crushed

The weight of the world crushed me.

I couldn't breathe

I couldn't see

I couldn't hear

Anything.

The crush was total, brutal and suffocating.

Blackness came,

I felt I may well die.

Yet out of the corner of my eye I could always see a chink of light.

A sliver I hope in a sea of hopelessness.

And

For all the weight of the crush,

In spite of the blinding darkness,

I held my gaze on that needle hole of light.

I focussed solely on that tiny piece of hope.

That chink of light held all of the good things that I had to look forward to

A new identity

A new approach to life

A whole new vision that would lead to quiet blissfulness and contentment.

As I concentrated on that light

It began to get bigger.

The crush lessened.

The pitch blackness greyed up.

More and more light poured in

More and more weight lifted from me.

You may feel crushed

You feel shrouded in darkness

But there is always a chink of hope

Aa hard as it is to do

Look at the light

Take the hope.

A beautiful life is waiting to be grasped.

I wrote this this morning. I was sipping my hot black coffee just reflecting on my journey up until now.

I haven't wrote for about a year.

I have had to go through a year or two of fighting to recover from what I experienced as a Salvation Army Officer.

The Salvation Army UK leadership crushed me. Their sad focus on their own sorry progressions meant that they made sure that anyone who threatened that progression needed to be crushed. I have been kind to them despite the total lack of compassion, respect and love. But now I have been able to shake the dust off my feet and finally be in a place where I am free of those sad people for ever. I can only pray for them now.
Some of the wounds they inflicted on me mentally would make you wince if you knew the truth of how they were administered to me.

But

Enough

It feels fantastic to be able to speak about that now.

The bitterness has all but gone.

I started writing this just as a personal note to self.

But

God intervened and reminded me that I hadn't wrote for such a long time on my blog.

I felt a serious prompt to publish this today.

And

I want to encourage whoever feels crushed by whatever today, that there is always light. People may crush you, but they cant win. Hold on to that chink of light. Focus on it. I don't deny there is an easy fix for a wounded soul.

But

There is a fix.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Yeah

That's the light in talking about.

By his stripes we are healed.

DEJUNK!!!!!!!

Hi

My book Dejunk has now been released

To get a copy please make a payment either by cheque made payable to William Gary Lacey to Gary Lacey, 7 Shepherds Fold Drive, Winsford, Cheshire CW7 2UE.

or Alternatively

Pay via the PayPal button on the right hand side of my blog:

Also send me your Postal address to garylaceybusiness@gmail.com so we can send you your book.

Be blessed!!

Goodbye Ealing

I was reading scripture this morning, in the quietness of an upper room in an old Church here in Ealing. A room that has been my writing atrium for a few years now. It has nothing in it but a chair and a table. No distractions whatsoever.

I'll be sad to leave this place.

The scripture?

Genesis 12.

It depicts the call of Abram.

The very first verse says, The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your Fathers household and go to the land I will show you."

In the bare quietness of my writing room, my mind shares pictures of the years of my Officership in the Salvation Army.

Particularly the last five years here at Ealing.

God has showed me the land guys.

We have been blessed to have been used to create new projects and to revive some dying Corps along the way.

Here at Ealing we were appointed as West London Development Officers to try and stem the amazing decline of the SA in West London.

Ealing itself was on the brink of extinction.

I go back to my first Sunday meeting at Ealing.

I was feeling lost as I was about to deliver my first sermon there.

Dawn and I as many of you know are not traditional Salvationists in any way.

I was dramatically rescued by God from the clutches of Salvation Army traditionalism when I got saved.

I looked out as I stood noteless and ready to deliver what the Holy Spirit would have me say that morning, the defiant posture of the death grip of the bad side of  tradition sat before me. They were in serious 'bless me if you can' mode.

I felt the spirit of God ask me to say nothing.

I simply put a picture of Jesus up on the screen.

And

Sat down.

I guess you can imagine the uncomfortable moments that followed.

But I guess God was making the simple point that everything is all about Him.

A lady came up to me after the service and said these very words.

"Captain, (which I hated anyway! My name is Gary!) We don't want Jesus in here! We just want to be the Salvation Army. We don't want any of that spiritual stuff."

Well?

You can imagine my shock.

I was so shocked it made me laugh.

I gently asked her if she would help me to understand what she had just said.

I knew then.

I just knew

That the Lord was asking us to make some very tough decisions and some very drastic changes to this Corps, which had the death rattle and was heading into oblivion.

So some big decisions were made.

I don't want to dwell there, but I want to speak about what the Lord did from there on.

Nearly the whole of the remaining congregation at Ealing transferred to another Corps.

Which left us virtually with a blank sheet!

Prayer has always been the lifeblood of our ministry so we started to pray.

Furiously.

We had nothing left.

So God gave us a simple plan.

Of course we had experienced his miracles in our previous appointments in Liverpool where the amazing Liverpool Boiler Room happened, and in Sacriston and Durham where we saw growth like nowhere else.

We planted and developed Sanctuary 21.

We helped God turn around another struggling Corps in Sacriston.

So we had previous!

But here?

It had to be God's simple but devastatingly brilliant strategy.

That strategy had three elements. Pray and teach others to pray, build solid relationships showing total love, acceptance and compassion to everybody, and in this case get the doors of the Church open.

The doors of this Corps were shut most days accept for Sunday and few hours in the week.

Sounds a bit flimsy.

But it is the strategy God will use no matter what any Church Planting strategy manual will tell you.

So everyday Dawn and I prayed on the streets, prayed in the building, built relationships and opened up everyday for hospitality.

For the first few months?

Nobody really came?

But we had learned a long time ago that you have to dig in with God's plans.

Today?

As we prepare to leave?

We have a team of around fifty staff and volunteers.

The attendance in the month for hospitality and prayer is in the thousands.

Homeless and needy people have been drawn to this place by the bucket load. Refugees, prostitutes you name it come to us everyday to be fed, clothed and blessed.

This week, as we prepare to leave this place I sat with a guy who had come to us early on in our journey. I and others have sat with him and filled forms in for him, prayed with him and gave him food and clothes. He said these words to me? "Gaz, I'm so sorry you guys are going. I will miss you. Then with tears rolling down his face he said, I never had a family, but I honestly have one in this place now."

God spoke into my heart.

He said

"Gary, your job is done. I will look after this family, you move on in the land I will show you next."

So I wanted to say goodbye to Ealing publicly.

I know I resigned here, but that was to do with the Salvation Army System not the people, but hey, you guys have taught me so much. You have taught me about humility and family, community and selflessness, and you guys have added a new dimension to my ministry and mission too.

So thank you.

I say thank you, to Nicky, Sue, Tanya, Cynthia, Linda and the whole team who have contributed so much to the phenomenal growth here.

And

To those who have given your lives to God while we have been here, so many of you, keep going in the faith.

And

To the new leaders coming in I say be blessed.

But

I leave saying thank you to God who has shown me miracles of epic proportions and taught me that he can turn around the most dangerously sinking ships.

God, you are astonishing.

And

Now to a new part of our ministry.

Dawn to Winsford.

Myself to the whosoever.

Where I am waiting like a caged lion to see the breathtaking power of God at work in the everyday.

Book release

Hey

My new book, Dejunk (Less of you and more of God is being launched on July 4th.

Please email me at garylaceybusiness@gmail.com or Message me on Facebook if you would like to join the preorder list.

It's a book sharing some of my experiences as I have gone on a journey to get rid of some of the junk that lay in my life that took up so much space God was getting pushed further away!

It is a book that is not designed to give answers but my prayer is that it will set off some thinking about what we clutter up our spiritual lives with and how we can best Dejunk it.

I really pray you will enjoy it and be  be blessed by it.

It has been priced at £10 in the UK and $13 in the USA

Hope you like it.

G

Book launch

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God; many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40: 1-3)

I thought I would just share that verse with you today.

It's pretty much the truth of my story.

So

I wanted to alert you to the fact that next month my book will be released.

It's called dejunk.

It is about obliterating the junk we collect in our spiritual lives

Is your Spiritual life struggling?
Is your Church life suffering?

Then you may need to minimalise the junk that clogs up space that God needs to fill.

So there will be

Less of you and more of God.

Watch this space for further news on a precise date.

If your interested in a copy please Facebook me or email me on wglacey@outlook.com

Blessings

Two years

Two years.

It’s taken me to recover from total burnout in ministry.

But.
I’m recovered,  healed, restored,  whatever you want to call it.

Last night I took to the stage to preach once again.

And

I noticed a big difference in comparison to my two-year recovery period.

The life was back in my voice.

The life was back in the words.

I felt calmer,  sharply focussed and clear in attitude,  mind and approach.

The clarity has come from a determination to see lives transformed.

That’s the end game for me.

My purpose.

My vision.

My mission.

I took the two year remission from all things church and more specifically all things Salvation Army.

I took Jesus advice literally when he invites us to come to him all of us who are all heavy laden and I will give you a real rest.

And

I should have known.

It really does work.

It works supremely well.

Not only am I now like a caged lion ready to get back to what I am called to do,  but I am changed. 

Changed completely.

Better,  stronger,  refreshed and prepared.

So.

Why do I share this little insignificant piece of information about my progress today?

Well,  when I woke up this morning I had this incredible urge that someone was in desperate need.

I have no idea who that person is.

But I just knew I had to write it and blog it.

Whoever it is.

This is what the Spirit of God says to you.

“Come to me and take a real rest.  I understand your pain. I know you’ve hit rock bottom. Lay down the battle you are experiencing, let me fight that for you. But you,  you need to recover.  You really need my kind of recovery,  a restoration of a broken spirit, a damaged heart and a tired mind. I know about your weakness,  I know about your constant striving to please people that you are never going to please. Leave that battle,  just walk away and run to me. I will give you a recovery like no other. Come to me and I will give you rest.”

Guys.

I know it is never easy to lay something down.

But I sense the urgency this day for you to do that.

O listen to the heart of a saviour who loves you and cares infinitely for you.

Step up and take a real rest.

And you will recover your life.

I don’t know who you are but I will be praying for you.


         

Who is leading you?

Every year I read an old book from start to finish.

It's a book that has had, and continues to have, a big impact on me.

The book inspires me.

It spurs me on.

It teaches me lessons I need to learn.

The book is the Cross and the switchblade by David Wilkerson.

The story of Wilkerson powerful ministry to the notorious gangs of 1950's New York.

This time.

On this year's read through.

My God spoke powerfully into my heart.

I'm about to move to Cheshire.

And I've had all kinds of ideas about how I will continue to minister there.

But.

I couldn't truly see the way forward.

Yet.

I read about how Wilkerson, when everything seemed lost, when he couldn't get to see seven boys who had brutally murdered a young polio victim in Highbridge Park, New York, felt he had met a massive block seemingly in his way. The authorities wouldn't let him see these boys without the signed permission of every parent. He had no names and addresses. He only had the name from a magazine article of one of the boys.

He needed those names and addresses of parents.

But.

He didn't have them.

He prayed this prayer.

"Lord I have reached the limit of my own humble ideas. If I am on your errand, then you must lead me from now on."

In an astonishing answer to that prayer God led them to pull up and park on a Bronx Street right outside the parents apartment of the boy who's name was revealed in the magazine article.

As I read Wilkerson's prayer today, I realised something. That I too have reached the limit of my humble resources when thinking about my future.

Suddenly a scripture appeared in my head.

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. " Psalm 119: 105

And

That was quickly followed by a question.

" Who is leading you Gary?"

Right then?

I had to admit it was me leading me.

Trying to set into motion my humble ideas.

But

I became gloriously aware that I had to trust God, to lead me forward, to put my faith once again where it might get knocked down.

I got a shiver down my spine.

Letting God lead me instead of me leading me, was incredibly more exciting and sure.

So I prayed the same prayer as Wilkerson's prayed on a New York Street in 1957.

Lord, if I am on your errand, then, you must guide me. I have reached the limit of my humble ideas. Lead me where I must go for I do not know.

Maybe there are people reading this who don't know where to turn next in some situation or even in your life?

Then the message for you this morning is that when we step out on God's promise to be a lamp to our feet, and a light on our path, then doors will open on the way.

Who's leading you?